Falling

Chapter Seventeen

(HARRY POV)

“Harry! Louis’ hand moved… It moved!” Niall yelled and I sighed. “Niall, you must be seeing things… Maybe you didn’t get enough sleep.  He can’t be awake…” Niall jumped to his feet and hovered over Louis. “Look! Harry, look!” Niall exclaimed and I sighed again. I looked at Louis, not because I believed Niall, but because I wanted to be able to tell him that Louis didn’t move.

But he did. His fingers were moving. I jumped to my feet and pressed the button to call for the doctors. “Oh my god,” I breathed. Anxious, I walked to the door and opened it. I stepped outside, waiting for the doctors and nurses to come in. My heart was thumping wildly in my chest as I smiled like a love struck fool. Louis was finally awake.

Words couldn’t describe the happiness and relief I felt at that moment. And suddenly Niall was next to me as the doctor and nurses rushed towards me. “He moved, he moved!” Niall exclaimed. The doctor and nurses pushed pass the both of us and shut the door. One remaining nurse ran towards the room and explained, “They’re doing checks on the patient, and you have to stay out here. We’ll inform you how he’s doing as soon as we’re done.”

Niall was shaking, but yet he was grinning like a complete fool like I was. I didn’t know what was going on with him, but I guided him towards the seats in front of us. I motioned for him to sit down, but he shook his head. “I can’t sit down! Not when Louis just woke up! Oh god. I’m so happy I think I could do the Macarena!” Niall cried.

I looked at Niall, amused. I haven’t seen him act like this in a long time. And I haven’t smiled in a week. Suddenly a thought hit me. Niall really loves Louis. I could tell. It was so blindingly obvious. It was alright though; I didn’t have anything against that. How could I? Niall’s love for Louis was like the only thing keeping him going. Louis was the reason that Niall was happy.

“Whoa Niall, calm down,” I laughed. He was practically bouncing on his feet and he was still grinning. It was nice seeing the old Niall back. The one I’d been seeing for the past two days was just… Depressing. And I almost thought that that Niall would be permanent…

“I can’t Harry, I can’t! He’s finally awake! I’m so happy! I’m going to go pee! And grab some food in the cafeteria! Would you like something to eat? Or I could go buy like bags of chips and order Nandos takeaway and we could have a little party!” Niall hopped around like a kid going to the playground.

“Niall! Louis just woke up! He can’t eat chips or Nandos! What is Nandos anyway?” I laughed again. I liked having this Niall back. “Oh. Yeah… Whoops! But I’ll go to the cafeteria anyway! See what they have there! So would you like anything?” Niall asked, shrugging. I shook my head and sat down as I saw Niall skipping happily towards the lift.

These few days without Louis had passed by surprisingly quickly. I had no idea how I lived without him. I don’t even remember doing anything much except coming to the hospital and back home. I smiled to myself and bit my lip, trying to stop. Just as Niall was happy, so was I. Words could not describe how I felt and how much I felt like jumping up and down like him.

My thoughts were interrupted when the doctor and nurses walked out. I sprung to my feet and walked towards him. “How’s Louis? Is he awake?” I asked anxiously. The doctor smiled. “Yeah, he’s awake, you can go in now. But I haven’t made sure if he’s completely fine yet, so he’ll have to stay in the hospital for a week more or so,” he explained before walking away.

The nurse from the other day walked by and I smiled at her. She smiled too, before walking on. But moments later she turned around. “Hey, I told you miracles do exist.” I smiled at that. “Thanks.”

I put my hand on the door handle, took a deep breath before pressing it down. For some reason I was feeling nervous to talk to Louis again, after only a week. I got reminded of the time I confessed to him. The butterflies in my stomach, how I had to rub my palms on my jeans because they were too sweaty. All of that was back now.

I pushed the door and walked in. Louis was lying down face up. I walked slowly towards him and sat down at the chair by his bedside. “Hey…” I whispered.  He turned to look at me, and I continued. “You’re finally awake… I missed you so much… Niall’s back. But he’s in the cafeteria eating.” I chuckled slightly at the end, and held his hand in mine.

Louis looked at me blankly, and to our hands, and back to me. Why wasn’t he responding? Oh god, could he speak? Could he even hear me? “Louis?” He still stared at me blankly. And moments later he finally opened his mouth to say something. I let out a sigh of relief and let a smile grace my facial features. He was okay. But I didn’t know what was coming next would hurt me so badly.

“Who are you?” He questioned, confusion evident in his eyes. My smile fell, and I loosened my hold on his hand. Was this some kind of joke? “Louis, are you joking?” Yeah that was it. He was playing a joke on me, being his usual bantering self. He couldn’t have really forgotten me, could he? I was his boyfriend…

“No… Who are you? Why do you know my name, and Niall’s too?” He asked again, suddenly sounding more alarmed that a “stranger” was in his ward. I felt tears welling up in my eyes. Nothing could have felt worse than this. Nothing could have felt worse than having to hear your current boyfriend ask you who you are.

“I’m Harry, your boyfriend... Come on Louis, stop playing me!” I begged desperately. If this was a joke, it was going way too far. “Please tell me you’re kidding. You couldn’t have forgotten me…” I continued, and Louis looked even more confused as his eyes widened in shock.

“You’re my boyfriend?! No, Niall’s my boyfriend… I’m starting to get quite scared… You should get out of here. Or do you want me to press the button?” Louis sort of threatened, but I could see the fear in his eyes. Pain filled me as the tears rolled down my cheeks. “Whoa, why are you crying? Oh my god, I’m going to press the button now!”

“No Louis, don’t. I’ll leave… I’m sorry for scaring you… I must have gotten the wrong person… Sorry.” I stood up and prepared to leave. I rubbed my eyes and sniffed, trying to stop crying. I heard Louis heave a huge sigh of relief as I walked out of the room. I shut the door and leaned against the wall, sliding down to the cold, hard tiles.

Louis forgot me… Why was this happening? Why did there have to be so many obstacles between our love? Was god seriously playing me? And why did Louis say that Niall was his boyfriend? He wasn’t… I was his boyfriend. It was me, Harry Styles…

I clenched my fists in sudden anger and stood up. I had to go look for the doctor and ask him why this was happening. He said that Louis was alright. He didn’t say Louis had “Forget-Harry-Syndrome”. Why were doctors so useless? I grit my teeth as I trudged down the hallway towards his office.

I barged into his office, not caring that there was a patient sitting in there. “Louis forgot me.” I emphasized every word, my voice harsh. “I’m kind of in the middle of something now. I’ll go there in five minutes okay?” The doctor explained and motioned for me to leave the room. The patient turned around to stare at me in disbelief. I snorted.

“Not okay. Louis fucking forgot me. He forgot his boyfriend. He doesn’t remember my name, Harry, and he thinks his ex is his boyfriend. Go there now. Please.” At first I was pissed, but then after that my voice softened into a pleading tone. “Please… I beg you…” Tears streamed down my face again and I bit down on my lip until it drew blood so that I’d stop crying.

“Harry…” He started, and I looked at him, desperate. He sighed. “Okay. Ms Cameron I’ll be right back. This is an emergency…” The plump woman huffed and looked at me again. I ignored her, but I could feel her shooting daggers at my back as I walked away.

When we got back to Louis’ ward, Niall was already there. I could hear his laughter from outside. Oh god. It hurt. It hurt knowing that my boyfriend now thought that his ex was his boyfriend. It hurt knowing that Niall was having a great time while I was out here wallowing in my misery. I couldn’t help but hate Niall for that.

The doctor and I walked back into the ward and Niall jumped up happily. “Hey Harry! Where have you been?” He grinned, and I forced out a smile, taking a little sideway glance at Louis. His eyes widened in shock that I was back, and that Niall knew me. “I need you to wait outside while I perform some checks on the patient,” the doctor said, and motioned for Niall and me to leave the room.

When we were outside, I muttered, “Louis forgot me. He thinks you’re his boyfriend, and he totally forgot me. It’s like I was never in his life before…” I licked my lip, and I felt it sting because of the harsh bite I did just now. It hurt, like how my heart was hurting. I watched as Niall’s expression morphed into shock.

“What?! He can’t remember you?! And he thinks I’m his boyfriend?! No wonder he grabbed my hand and kissed it…” I winced, thinking about the fact that my boyfriend just did that. Niall seemed to realize what was on my mind as he apologized for saying that. I shook my head and we stood there in silence for the next few minutes.

The doctor came out with a horrifying expression on his face. It was one that told me that he didn’t have good news. “I’m afraid Louis is having partial memory loss. Sometimes when someone means a lot to a person or has hurt him greatly, he might well, sort of “choose” to forget about him, in a sense. But the chances are that he’ll remember soon enough, but if he’s unlucky, he may never remember…”

My heart sank as I heard that. The doctor shot me a sympathetic glance and pat my back. “You could bring pictures or something symbolic to the both of you to jolt his memory, but don’t force him too much, he might get a bit stressed out.” With that, he walked away. Next to me, Niall’s eyes widened comically as he seemed to struggle to process the information thrown at him.

We stood there in silence again, before Niall spoke. “Do you want to go in…?” I shook my head immediately. I didn’t want to be in there where Louis couldn’t remember me at all. I didn’t want to have to face the pain of seeing Louis act so lovey towards Niall, without being able to do anything or voice my displeasure at that.

I moved to sit down at the hard seats that I had gotten used to. I buried my face in my hands and took deep breaths, trying to calm myself. I felt like crying again, but I stopped myself. Crying wasn’t going to solve the problem. Instead, I began thinking about how I could jolt Louis’ memory and make him remember me. More importantly, make him remember our love…

I moved my hands away slightly, enough to see Niall’s feet moving into the ward. What if Niall took advantage of the situation and played along with Louis and acted like he was his boyfriend? What if Niall decided to be selfish? What if Louis never remembers? It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Niall, but he could be so clueless at times. He probably had no idea what to do right now but play along with Louis.

I sat there, running my fingers through my hair, trying to think of ways to make Louis remember. Photographs… Now that I thought about it, we didn’t take many photos. In fact, we didn’t even take any photos… Except for one picture of the Christmas market along Champs Elysees we went to for our first date. And now, we probably wouldn’t ever have the chance again, unless he remembers. What was I going to do? I had no way of reminding him…

Then it struck me.

 I could take pictures of that street Louis tripped, and of Julia’s café. I could show him the picture of the Christmas market and tell him about it. I could buy him a cup of caramel macchiato from Julia’s café… I could sing him a song too… Would that be enough to make him remember? Even if it wasn’t, it was worth the try.

Suddenly I heard Louis wailing, “Niall! Why are you doing this to me?” Instinctively, I stood up, ready to barge into the room when I heard Niall speak. “Louis, I’m not your boyfriend. Harry is your boyfriend, and I think you should give him a chance to help you remember that. Your love, it was perfect. He’s perfect for you and he deserves you as much as you deserve him. Give him a chance, Lou.”

Wow. Niall actually said that. Niall didn’t take advantage of this, but instead, he helped me. He asked Louis to give me a chance. That was really nice of him, and I appreciated it a lot. Suddenly Niall opened the door. “Hey Harry… He said he’d give you a chance. Would you like to go in and talk to him now?”

I shook my head. “I’m going to go get a couple of things before I come back. You chat with him first okay? Thanks by the way, I heard what you said. Thanks.” I smiled and Niall grinned back at me, giving me a thumbs up.

I went off to that street I’d first met Louis at. I took a picture of it, before sprinting to Julia’s café, took a picture of its signboard and walked in. I ordered a takeaway extra hot caramel macchiato and one for myself as well. I didn’t want it to get cold so quickly. I took a cab back to the hospital in my haste to give Louis the coffee. In the cab, I wrapped my hands around Louis’ cup of coffee to try and keep it warm.

Back at the hospital, I rushed into the room and Niall was no longer there. Louis explained that Niall was hungry and he had to meet someone for dinner. “Hey, Louis… Try this cup of caramel macchiato. It’s from Julia’s café… I don’t know if you remember it, but it’s where I took you when I first met you.” Louis forced out a smile as he tried to sit up. His broken ribs had healed, and he could sit up now.

I heightened the bed for him, as I gave him the coffee. “I remember the place and the coffee, but I don’t remember being there with you… You could tell me about it though.” Louis offered and smiled genuinely before sipping on the lukewarm coffee. I smiled, because he was willing to give me a chance. I began singing one of my favourite songs. It seemed to apply to our situation quite well.

“Do you remember back when,
we fell in love in your best friend’s basement?
Spun the bottle, hoped it would land on you.
Thought we were cool, listening to Zeppelin,
making out on a stairway to heaven.
Nowhere to go, so we slept out on the roof.

But now, we hardly even speak at all.
Looking back, how did we get away?” 

I stopped just before the chorus to look at his reaction. He seemed to enjoy it. “You’re good, Harry. What song is that?” He asked, smiling. I chuckled slightly. “It’s “When we were young” by The Summer Set.” I paused before continuing. “Well I know we didn’t fall in love in your best friend’s basement, we didn’t spin bottles or listen to Zeppelin, and we didn’t make out on stairways or sleep on roofs, but I could tell you what we did instead of all that. The first and the last line kind of apply to us.”

He nodded, leaning back down on the bed, holding his coffee and sipping it.

I told him where we met, and exactly what had happened in the months that we’d known each other; from his needing stitches to my confession to him to our first date. He listened intently, his eyebrows furrowed as he was forcing himself to remember something. A part of me couldn’t bear to see him torture himself like that, but another part wanted him to remember right that instant, even though I knew he couldn’t.

When I got to the part about him getting knocked down and how the phone went dead, I couldn’t help but let out a few tears. “It’s okay Harry, I’m alright now,” Louis comforted. I nodded, taking a deep breath to stop myself. “Do you remember any of that, Louis?” I asked, hoping that he would say yes. But of course, he didn’t remember anything.

“No… I’m sorry. I’m trying, but I can’t… I can’t even remember what happened the day I got knocked down… I’ll try harder next time… I promise.” Louis’ expression softened as he shot me an “I’m-sorry” look.  I shook my head, forcing a smile, telling him with my eyes that it was okay, that it wasn’t his fault and I understood.

“Could you continue singing the song? I like it. I like your singing too. You’re talented.” Louis grinned at me, his clear blue eyes shining. I know he was trying really hard to remember, and give me a chance, like he’d promised Niall. And so I closed my eyes and began to sing again.

“I never thought that we’d surrender,
when I was yours and you were mine.
Never regret, no, we learned how to love
when we were young and still together,
no there was nothing left to prove.
Never regret, no, we learned how to love,

when we were young and reckless,
dumb and fearless, fighting in the streets.
Will you remember me?”

When I was done, I opened my eyes and I saw Louis’ eyes closed, a smile gracing his perfect features. “Wow,” he whispered. “You’re really good,” and he smiled again. It was the only thing he could do to someone he didn’t exactly know very well.

“Thanks… Kind of suits our situation now doesn’t it?” I laughed awkwardly, expecting him to stay silent. But he spoke. “Yeah, I guess so.” He replied quietly and began twiddling with his fingers. Well this was awkward. We sat there in silence, except for the sound of the air conditioner mixed with our breathing. We didn’t move either, except for Louis’ playing with his fingers. Then suddenly he spoke.

“You know I’m trying really hard… I feel like there’s something missing. And I know it must be whatever you just told me about. But I just can’t remember any of that. All I remember is the time I spent with Niall… And Joe and the Frozen Ice. Nothing else. It’s like you were never in my life at all…” Louis whispered.

I looked up at him, and saw that his face was full of pain and anguish. My heart hurt, knowing that this was hurting him too. I knew that he was trying, I knew. But it didn’t seem to be helping. Harry, give it some time. He just woke up hours ago. He needs time. Miracles do exist. Remember that.

Louis looked at me, a pained expression hung on his face. I opened my mouth to speak. I wanted to tell him not to worry too much, that it’d all come back to him in due time. But before I could do that, he cut me off.

“No Harry, don’t tell me that it’ll all come back soon. I want it to come back now. I can’t stand not knowing what happened in the past few months of my life. The little bits and pieces of Niall and Joe and the ice cream shop couldn’t have filled up so much time. I know that it’s you who filled up the rest, and you kind of look familiar. But I just can’t remember. I just can’t…

I know that it’s hurting you so badly. I mean, I thought Niall was my boyfriend when you’re actually the one. I want to remember Harry, I have to. I can’t leave you like that, all broken because I can’t remember. I can’t… And what if… What if nothing comes back? What if I’m left with this huge hole in my life? I’d be missing out on a lot. It’d be like missing the most amazing chapter of a book. And what if you don’t know what to do anymore because I can’t remember you? I don’t want that to happen to you. Harry, please. Think of more ways to help me remember. I have to… I can’t miss this. I can’t miss out on a great guy like you…”

Tears started to stream down Louis’ face. He let out strangled sobs and sniffed. I couldn’t stand seeing him cry. Before I knew it, I was crying too. I took his hand in mine, like I did before. “Louis, I’ll help you. And you will remember. It will all come back to you soon. I promise, okay? I won’t even leave your side during the next few days. I’ll always be here. Until you remember. And you will. Don’t worry Lou, miracles do exist. Even if the doctor says you’re never going to remember me, I’ll keep trying. I’m never going to give up on you. Not after you fought so hard to wake up in the past week. I promise… ” I soothed, sniffing along with him. Louis nodded.

And then silence for long moments again. Long moments of silence between us were starting to get common, and I got used to it. Eventually our sniffs stopped and our tears dried.

“I’m tired,” Louis murmured softly, and I smiled slightly. “Sleep then. I’ll be here. Night Lou-Lou. I love you.” I replied, almost as softly. I watched as Louis closed his eyes and drifted off into a deep slumber. His face was so angelic, so at peace, compared to the pained expression just now.

God, I never wanted to see him so upset again. Even if it meant that he’d never remember me… I wished that that whole accident never happened. I wished that I hadn’t called him at that time. Then all this wouldn’t have happened. My life wouldn’t have been so screwed, and Louis would have never forgotten me. We’d be happy right now. We’d probably be snuggling on the couch in his apartment watching the television now, instead of him lying here on the hospital bed and me in the chair next to it.

For some reason, I began singing the first song that popped into my mind.

“If we could only have this life for one more day,
if we could only turn back time.

You know I’ll be your life,
your voice, your reason to be
my love. My heart is breathing for this
moment in time;
I’ll find the words to say
before you leave me today.”