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HIS FRIENDS
"oh come on finnie, it's just a game."

a week passed since the last time i saw finn. i haven't talked to him or saw him. i guess we needed to think of this weird situation.
i never done something this special in my whole life, i'm habitually your good two shoes girl. i know this is insane and we shouldn't be doing it but it's therapeutic, it makes me feel better.

grace and my ex-boyfriend have been really oblivious this week, if you didn't know they were together 6 days ago you sure do now. they are sucking face in the corridors and always holding hands. it hurts me but i can't do anything. they will broke up and romeo will come back crying.

i gave up, i will not forget him. he will love me again i know it. our love was so strong, you can't forget your first love.

every days sadie, gaten and caleb are here for me and i don't cry in front of them anymore, last week i broke but now i'm hidding my feelings again, its better for everyone.

caleb is now really part of the group, he used to be only "gaten's boyfriend" but now that he eat at lunch with us we learned a lot about him and it's so cool because we have a lot in common. i just find it stupid that after all this months that they've been together we just started to really talk.

i've been texting finn all morning and he didn't saw my texts. i want to see him again today because i don't have anything to do and this week wasn't emotionless, even if i make everyone believe it was. i'm still broken and i still need time for myself.
but now all i want is for finn to hold me and to make me think there is still hope.

i check my phone, still no answer.

"what the fuck..." i mumble.

i get up from my bed and start getting ready, i'm gonna walk to the treehouse to see if he's there.

i don't wanna look ugly so i put makeup on, tuesday i started putting more makeup on my face : foundation, concealer, highlighter, eye-liner, mascara and lipstick.
i know it's a lot but i need that to look descent.

i finish my wing with my liner and put my jean jacket on. i put some lipgloss on, to lazy to apply real lipstick and get out.

the cold wind it my face, i close my eyes and breathe in slowly.
what am i doing with my life?
i breathe out and open my eyes. i put one foot in front of the others. i hesitate a second, and keep walking, step by step. i feel bad doing this. i'm not some whore why i don't say to finn that i want to stop?
because i don't want to. and i feel so numb.

i hate the sundays when my friends can't hang out because i always end up doing fucked up things. last time i tried to make up like adore delano from ru paul's drag race, a tv show i like. i failed. i chuckle at the idea, i was full of life and it was only three months ago. since i'm single my friends never leave me alone, they always want me to smile and it's growing really annoying. i need time to myself even if i'm just crying. this is the first week end they can't babysit me. Sadie's at her aunts and gaten and caleb are going to some spa.

i'm in front of the threehouse, i hear screams and laughs. is finn with other peoples?

i start climbing the tree. when i'm all the way up i end up in front of 8 teenagers, all looking at me with wide eyes.