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♡
FORGIVENESS
"she doesn't deserves our pardon"

The cold wind reddens the end of my nose and my cheekbones. I shiver, the breeze crunches the end of my fingers.
As i'm playing with soft fabrics of my coat i think about Sadie, Gaten and Caleb.
I need to apologize to them but I'm sure they won't forget me.

At least I will be able to spend time with Finn more now. I can't wait to see him, it feel like it's been ages since I last saw him but it was yesterday.

The school bus arrives with a high-pitched squeal. The door opens and the driver smiles at me, i quickly smile back and look at the empty places. There is one next to Sadie, I decide to go apologize now.

I make my way towards her wearing a stressed grin on my face. With every steps i take the anxiety i'm feeling in my chest grow.
She looks at me a second, and puts her red backpack on the seat I was gonna take.
I quietly gasp. My lungs tightens. I must have messed worst than I first thought I did.

"Why do you even bother acting surprised?" she asks, not waiting for an answer.

"Sadie, let me ap-" I start but she cuts me off.

"I don't care Millie. Go find another seat." she says, then puts her headphones on.

I sight, I don't know how I could obtain her forgiveness.
I need to find a way, I will find a way.
She's my best friend after all.

I sit in a empty seat at the back and open the book i''m reading at the moment The Ballroom.

The bus stops and others high schoolers hop in. I watch as Gaten waves at Sadie. She removes her backpack from the spot next to her and taps it to make him understand that she wants him to sit there. He obliges and they start laughing at some stupid joke he did.
I miss this, the song of our laughter harmonizing to create a perfect melody of joy.

A single tear rolls down my cheek. I push it away from my face with my sleeve. I'm fighting the instinct to weep. If only I could find a way to make them forgive me.
Another tear leave my eyes quickly and leave a mascara mottled stain on my book.

"shit" I mumble, holding a sob. I try to wipe it out but i just spread it.
I close my book violently and put my head in my hands. Sobbing quietly, I try to make every thoughts stop.

The car finally arrives and I wait for every student to leave before getting out.
Once they all have left I put my backpack on my shoulders and hop off.

While I make my way to my first class I wipe off the mascara under my eyes. I hope no one will see that i cried. I take a sit in the back of the class and wait for Finn to arrives.
Students are filling the class and I finally see him. I smile big, he know how to cheer me up in every situations.
He see me, then look away and take a seat far from mine.
I feel my hearts beats fast again, i want to but i can't cry in here.

I want to go back home but I can't because my mom has others things to worry about. This morning she was a mess:

As I was going down the stairs I heard my mom screaming.

"Where are you? We need you here! The kids need you! I know what you are doing but I can't do anything about it because i love my children and I don't want them to be sad! Millie's already going through rough times but you didn't saw it because you were to busy making eyes at your boss weren't you!"

I left the house without eating and tried to be quiet. I don't want her to know i overheard their conversation.

I hope my mom's just making up stories in her head because she is jealous.