make out buddy » fillie

eleven » starry eyes

♡
I DON'T WANT TO LIKE HIM
"i can't help but look at his eyes. a tear escape them as he say those three words"

locked eyes.
wide eyed looks.
hang open mouths.
confused mind.
fast heartbeats.

he look so handsome in the old classroom light, his curls are falling angelically on his dark eyes who make me melt,
his long eyelashes flap like a butterfly wings, his freckles look like little stars,
his elegant nose look so cute,
his sculptured cheekbones make my heart flutter,
his soft lips are parted and naturally dark pink.

"can you introduce yourself finn?"

my eyes goes to my hands, locked together on the wooden table. his went to the teacher.

"uh... i'm finn wolfhard, i love to play guitar and videogames." i hear his seductive voice talk as i watch his delicate hands playing with each others due to nervouness, iwant to hold them, make him feel safe like he do with me. he look so scared, so anxious.

i didn't even know he played guitar.

how can he be so attractive?

i see some girls giggling and whispering, some boys too. some of them even have pink cheeks. what if finn end up liking one of them?

oh god millie, you did the thing you promised yourself you wouldn't.

catching feelings for your make out buddy.

"do you already know someone here?" ask the teacher.

what if he say something about me? i start freaking out, i don't want him to say something about me but as the same time i  want him to.

"well, noah's my cousin." finn explain.

noah schnapp. it's been long since i heard this name in my head.
he used to be my best friend in kindergaten but we just drifted appart after a stupid argument and he ditched me for this sabrina girl.

"then go sit next to him." the teacher sweetly propose.

finn mumble a thanks and make his way to next to noah.
we make eye contact again and my stomach gets warm as he smile beautifully.

why didn't he told me? why am i learning this only now? why are my feelings coming back?

—————
this afternoon was awfull, i couldn't focus at all, finn is in most of my class and he just kept looking better and better. i didn't find the courage to come and talk to him i was so intimidated by him.

what's happening to me?

i'm back home, i didn't eat i wasn't hungry.

i let my curls falling on my pink pillows as my thoughts get as tangled as an indefeasible knot.

i stay up 'til two in the morning, thinking of what to tell finn tomorrow.

——————
i hear my phone ring three times, my eyes slowly open and the black i was sleeping in let place to my band posters filled walls.

i rub my eyes slowly and push some hair out of the corner of my mouth.

i get up and go to the bathroom. my stomach hurting too much for me to eat, i'm so stressed for today.

i want to look good so i only put mascara like finn love, but i decide to add a little bit of gloss.

i apply the cold substance on my lips as i go through my notifications.

i choose a black cropped sweatshirt and a jeans skirt with some cute black tights with a heart pattern with my iconic black vans.

in the bus sadie and gaten kept asking me if i was ok and i kept answering i was just a little tired. but the truth was that i was tired of this situation.

this morning i had no classes with finn but i kept thinking about him. about how he can make me nervous without even being around.

it's lunch now, and i'm about to talk to him.

i saw him sat at noah and sabrina's table, all laughing. why is he laughing so much with her? i'm sure she's not even that funny.

stop millie remember you're gonna end this weird situation.

"did little mills have a crush on the new boy?" ask my best friend, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"gaten shut up, i'm not in the mood." i answer coldly.

"i would understand if you do, he's really hot." add sadie.

"shut up." i say through my teeth, she has no right to talk about him like that. he's not just hot, he's an amazing person.

it's gonna be so hard to stop everything.

i text finn.

me: janitor closet. now.
12:14 a.m

he look at me weirdly before directing his gaze to his phone.

finnie😋: idk where it is...
12:14 a.m

me: next to noah's locker, i'll be waiting you.
12:14 a.m

finnie😋: how do you know where's his locker? i'm coming.
12:15 a.m

i leave to go to the closet.

me: shut up and hurry
12:15 a.m

i heard a knock on the door, he's here. i'm so nervous.

i open, he look at me innocently and tenderly. i don't want to do this.

"what do you wanted to talk about?" he ask, his voice sending chills down my spine.

"what are you doing here?" i interrogate, closing the door.

"i was expelled from my last school because i skipped too much time. i didn't know you were studying here." he explain. i feel bad for him.

"we can't keep doing this." i go straight to the subject.

"doing what?" he ask, clearly knowing what i mean but not wanting to admit it.

"meeting at the treehouse, all that."

"why?" he frown.

"it's so awkward, no one have to know about what happened between us, we don't know each others. i never met you and it's the same for you. i can't even be your friend because i'll be oblivious, i'm sorry. you're a really great guy finn but i can't do that." i admit.

"are you sure?" he ask, stepping closer to me.

the little closet becomes smaller and my breathing accelerates.

"y-yes." i stutter.

"even if i do that?" he whisper, is mouth so close to mine, i can feel his hot breathing on my neck.

i feel his soft lips on mine and all my body become warm and butterflies are flying in my stomach.

i don't move, i just enjoy my last kiss with the finn wolfhard. he deserve a girl who will love him like i can't. i'm too weak for feelings.
i pull away.

"i'm sorry finn i can't." i look down at first but then i can't help but look at his eyes. a tear escape them as he say those three words who killed me inside.

"i hate you." he speak before leaving, drying his watery eyes with his sleeve.

i hate myself too.

—————
after this, finn left school i think because he wasn't in english.

but good news: romeo's single.

—————————————
i loveesss!!
i hope you liked this chapter don't forget to vote and comment.
i want to thank you for 11k i'm so happy i can't express how much i'm thankful. you all are amazing and your comments are so funny.
i love you so much guys.
i know my chapter are shorter everytime i'm so mad at myself.
sorry for the late update school stressed me a lot this last two days.
see you next update.

-jeanne