make out buddy » fillie

twelve » sunbeam

♡
MY FRECKLED BOY
"you look pretty today."

i fucked up.
i miss finn, i miss everything he is and everything he did to me. the way he hold me and let me cry on his shoulders. the way we kissed and cuddled. the way he told me i was beautiful.
why did i have to fuck this up too?

i know i don't deserve him but i should have been selfish, for once i really think i deserve happiness.
he gave me happiness.

my dad's still not back and i wish he was because he would not leave me alone and i wouldn't be here, crying alone in my bed.

waking up seems impossible, i don't want to stay in my bed because it only remember me my call with finn weeks ago but i can't make myself to get up, my sadness always brings me back in my bed.

i dry hot tears with the back of my hands and let them hanging here a second before wiping them on my sheets.

i know i should be happy that romeo and grace broke up but i don't really care. i'm joyous about it but two weeks ago i would have jumped everywhere and i would be smiling all day long.
but i'm not, because finn said he hated me. it's selfish coming from me, i deserve it. it look like i totally used him, i asked him to make out with me and then i ditched him like he was nothing. but for this past days he was my everything.
i really think i liked him at a moment but it's not how it work. finn hate me now and that's the moment i choose to realize how i really feel.

i like finn wholfhard.
and i think i do for longer than i first believed.

yesterday i just stayed under my blanket, watching gossip girl on my phone, too sad to do anything else. i ignored sadie texts telling me how great her and peyton date was, i'm happy for her but i'm jealous at the same time because i could have that too.

i close my eyes and put my hands on it, trying to forget where i am. i imagine me and finn, alone laying on the cold roof. i can almost feel how freezing was the ground and how the sun was warming me up. i was gazing into the sunshine.
"if i pulled you closer would you mind?"
echoes his voice in my head.
i can entirely feel my heartbeat fastening.
the memory will forever stay in my mind.

i know it's to late now but it will take so much time to forget his amazing personality and his cute freckled face.

in front of the school i start shaking a little, i'm not ready to face finn.

my mom drove me to school again because she think i'm sad because i'm bullied or something, it's getting very annoying but i let her do it anyways for the reason that the only thing i can do now his making others happy since i can make myself feel this way.

i open the schools imposing doors and watch the other teenagers, noses in their decorated filling lockers. they look happy but i don't think they really are because happiness isn't staying long, there is always a sunbeam that comes to burn your skin when you're contemplating the sun.

i arrive to my locker and sadie's not there. i open it, it feels so cold on my fingertips. outside the weather is freezing, i'm wearing a long sleeved shirt, a pull and my coat but i'm still cold. i take my books when someone closes my locker.

"you bitch, i will kill you." the blond girl scream on my face.

"what?"

"what did you do to him? tell me! how can he like a ugly skinny boy like you!" grace vociferate.

it becomes hard to breathe and i feel my heart beating out of my chest: i'm having a panic attack. how can she still make me have some of them?

"grace, leave her alone." i hear a boy say calmly. i immediatly recognize this lovely song.

my curly haired boy.

i sat on the ground, my breathing getting worse. no one cares.

i stare at him, he looks more handsome than ever; he wear a black jean jacket with a guns n roses shirt and large black jeans accompanied by black shoes.

he push her away with his hand on her chest and leave right after, not looking at me.

i stay on the ground, looking at him leaving, my breathing calming. grace's gone.

"oh my god millie what happened?" i hear sadie freak out handing me her hand.

"i-" no words come out, i gulp and blink my eyes to put my ideas back in place. "i don't know." i take her hand and stand up.
she helps me put my books in my bag and ask me maybe five times if i was sure i was okay. she apologize for being late, again, and we head to my classroom. she accompanies me.

i sat in the back of the class and sadie wave at me before leaving to whatever class she have.

i draw abstract shapes with my fingertips, feeling the hollows of the wood of my desk.
i hear a latecomer entering the classroom and i already know who it is because he's the only one missing.

"would you have the pleasure to explain to us the reasons why you are so late mister wolfhard?" ask my teacher.

"i had stuff to take care of." he answer, his voice calm.

"and what stuffs to be precise?" push the professors.

"i had a girl to get out of my head." he answer. i look up instantly and lead my gaze to finn who's looking at me.

that was awkward.

i hear some girls giggling but i know this girl he was talking about was not one of them.
he go sit behind me and the teacher start talking about whatsoever again.

why would finn say that?

i then hear the desk behind me creak lightly and feel the flirty boy behind me hot breathe on the back of my neck.

"you look pretty today." he whisper only for me to hear, his mouth so close to my ear that i can tell when his lips find her way to each others again. i don't move, i just enjoy his presence this close to me. he sit back on his chair and i miss the feeling of his warm breathing right away.

i want to thank him for what he did earlier but i can't bring myself to do it. he make me so nervous.

after lunch i go put my books for the afternoon in my bag. when i open my locker i see a note falling from it. i pick the paper up and read it.

"meet me behind the school after lunch."

no signature or anything but i know it's finn. it can only be him. i finish packing and go at the meeting point. i see a boy, but not the one i was attempting.
romeo

"hey?" i'm really surprised.

"millie can we talk please?" the voice i missed pronounce.

"i guess so." i answer quietly, i don't know how to react i feel so nervous.

"i fucked up, i know it. you were there, loving me and i fucked everything up for a girl i didn't really cared about. the only girl i care about is you millie and i still love you." i froze.

"wh-what?" i stutter.

"would you go on a date with me? please?" he ask.

"yes."

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i feel like you're all hating me a lot because of the end of the last chapter and now it will just be worse lmao.
don't hate me to much aaaahh!!
thank you for 13k it's unbelievable i really don't deserve it.
today was a bad day and i know your comments will make it better like they always do. i can't express how much i love all of you and how much i want to be friend with each one of you.
see you next chapter, hope you enjoyed this one!

-jeanne