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[and one day,
your name
didn't make me
smile anymore]
m.h↬
every moment spent with hayden were getting even more painful than the ones before. i couldn't even have a normal conversation with him without calling him daniel or imagining that i was with daniel.
it felt weird, i didn't really know what was the feeling that i was feeling right now. i had thought of meeting up with cassandra since she was always my best confidante but she was in canada, visiting her mom. she had to leave quickly because she had learned that her mom had breast cancer one week ago.
i didn't want to bother her with my stupid feelings problem so i googled them up. i wrote everything i was feeling and the first things that appeared were: what to do when you're not in love anymore?
and as i read the text in front of me that described every single details of how i felt, i felt my heart stopped for a moment. i was not in love anymore. i wasn't feeling anything for hayden anymore.
but why? two months ago i was in perfect love and when daniel came back into my life all my feelings changed.
"mad, what is up with you?" i heard my boyfriend exclaimed and i immediately snapped out of my thoughts. "i'm sorry, haybaby, what were you saying?" i said lazily and i heard him sighed. "what is wrong with you these days?" he sighed and i raised my eyebrows. "don't make that face. you know what i'm talking about. you aren't listening to me at all, you never hang out with me anymore and the only rare times we do, you're so distant." he complained and i felt bad.
all he said was true. the thing was that i didn't know the answer to his question. i didn't know what was happening to me anymore.
"i don't know, hay." i answered truthfully. "what is it? me? cassandra? stress? work?" he asked and i shrugged every time. "i don't know. maybe it's work." i said. "maybe it's a mix of all of that." "listen mad, i think you deserve a break. you're always working and it's clearly tiring you. babe, this week i want you to relax. i'll call you're boss, i'll work it out. you'll see, i promise." he promised, smiling.
i tried smiling back. i really did. but i couldn't.
"can we go home?" i asked as i started to feel sick. "sure, baby. you're alright?" he asked and i slowly nodded.
we got out of the fancy restaurant, hayden had brought me to, hoping that i would talk to him there. we both headed to his car and the car ride was silent, an awkward one. hayden only let out sighs and i stared outside the window during all the ride.
