Fullmetal Alchemist: The Way To The Top

Chapter 18: Broken

Riza sat at a fire. Everything was dark, except the white walls, which reflected light from many fires beneath them. Equivalent to the fires in the dark desert, stars shone on the dark sky. Everything was silent. Even the soldiers sitting at the fires spoke only in whisper. Everyone had a gun somewhere close, just to be sure. The calm desert was ironic compared to the tension in the military camp.

She looked at the ones sitting next to her. There were Fuery, Falman, Breda, Maes and Havoc. And most importantly Roy. No one spoke. All of them had had enough. Their eyes were deep and tired, underlined with dark blue rings. They looked into the fire. Their eyes were empty, though. They were no eyes of heroes. In their eyes, there was no triumph or pride to find. There were only exhaustion, horror, pain and guilt. A look of broken people. The fire changed into screaming faces in front of their eyes.

Riza closed her eyes. It brought her no relief. Without faces of her friends in front of her, everything became worse. She had no idea how many she had killed since the beginning of the war. But she remembered the face of every Ishvalian she shot today. She remembered the face of every Ishvalian she shot yesterday. And the day before... She didn't count them, but she remembered them. Just a week ago, she shot a girl about in her age, maybe younger. It felt terrible to watch the war destroying lives. Not only the lives of the Ishvalians. It destroyed also the lives of her and her friends. She could see it. She tried to imagine, how long she will be seeing those pictures in her dreams. Probably forever. They all will.

She opened her eyes. Everyone sat there without a movement. She sighed silently. It was like watching statues. Her eyes looked at the gun by her side. When the sun goes up, she will have to use it again. She will have to take lives again. It will be a long day. Riza knew she should get some sleep. But going to the bed had no sense. She slept only a few hours each night. They all did.

Maes watched the fire. He saw faces there. Many faces. Faces with red eyes filled with horror. What they were doing was just terribly wrong. He has killed so many. Old and young. Just yesterday, he shot a little boy. He saved the Major Armstrong doing so, though. The boy was about to pull the trigger on his gun. This war changed kids into killers. Instead of toys, they had guns in their hands. Maes thought also about himself and his friends. They were still too young. They all went to the military academy on their free will. But now, they regret the decision. They wanted to protect the people, who were close to them. And to protect the people in their country. But instead of protecting them, they were killing them now. He will do anything to give his kids a better life. A life in peace. He thought about Gracia, who was waiting for him. She was there to support him. He will try to end this war and come back to her. Alive and unharmed.

The fire was Roy's everyday reality. He felt his gloves in the pocket on his trousers. He never fought face-to-face, but he felt the blood on his hands. He thought he had caused more deaths than any other soldier in this fight. Even no one of the alchemists knew alchemy as powerful as he did. Only one snap of his fingers killed hundreds of people. He could see the faces. He could smell the smoke, the smell of burning bodies. He could hear the screams.

He looked at the other side of the fire, where Riza sat. She sat straight, but he could see a broken look in her eyes. He felt very sorry for her. Joining the military was a logical choice, for she had no one outside the military. She even hasn't promoted the academy yet. She was just too good sniper to be left behind. The guilt hit Roy's heart. He has brought her to this. He has destroyed her life. He decided he will keep her safe, no matter what will come. A decision he knew he couldn't fulfill.

Breda was about in Roy's age. He promoted the academy also only shor ago. During his studies, he never imagined he would have to kill the citizens of his country. Only short ago, he found friends on the battlefield. He met Roy by chance, when he was going down from the city wall. Breda always thought Roy was cruel and inhuman. That opinion spread in the military very fast. But when he saw Roy, he understood that he wasn't doing that because he liked it. He did that because he had to. The same as Breda. Roy noticed that Breda watched him and they started to chat. Now, Breda was lucky to have friends around him. All of them were ordinary people with extraordinary abilities. That was their pity now.