Fullmetal Alchemist: The Way To The Top

Chapter 44: Madness

Riza ran out from the house. She didn't try to stop the tears anymore. She jumped quickly into  the car. She saw the car which followed her on the whole day parking a bit further away. There was no one inside. Obviously, the person who was in the car got an order to control if she had done everything as she should. Riza laid her hands on the driving wheel. She held it very strongly, she couldn't feel her fingertips after a few minutes. She  pushed the gas pedal to the floor. She drove with the highest velocity as if she hoped that she could flee from her own thoughts.

The heaven was dark. Riza could see many stars. Normally she would be happy about it. Starlight had always given her hope during the night. Now she ignored them. Nothing could give her hope anymore. She shot her friend. She would never forgive herself. She could barely see the road over the tears.

Riza didn't know how much time passed. It could be five minutes or five hours. She felt like a shell with nothing but pain inside. On the way, she could see some distant lights. There were a few farms in the west area. She had no thoughts in her head. She couldn't hear the motor of her car, nor did she hear the sound of the tires on the uneven way. She heard only sound of the shot. Over and over. The shot which went from her gun. The trigger which was pulled by her finger. The way before her was only in her subconsciousness. The driving was automatic. She didn't see the land around her. She saw only the bullet flying through the air and hitting Havoc in his chest. Riza knew she had to think about other things. She could be easily driven mad. But her head decided on its own. It played the whole scene over and over again.

The sunrise cut the sky with red light. Riza looked quickly away. It was red like blood. All the blood she had spilled in her life. It was red like the blood of the Isvalians. Like Roy's blood. Like Havoc's blood. Like her blood. She thought about all the situations. Roy, standing in front of her, blood dropping from his stomach.Havoc with blood escaping from the wound on his chest. Wound Riza was responsible for.

The trees around the road slowly got shapes in the first morning light. The branches pointed to all directions. They looked like needles, which waited for their bait. A little bird flew to one of the trees. It was swallowed by it. It disappeared between all the needles.

Another bird flew past Riza's car. It flew quickly and even. Like a bullet on its perfect trajectory. Bullet, which hit her lung when she tried to save Rot. All the bullets she had shot in her life. The Ishvalians. The Amestris soldiers who stood against them on the Promised day. The Amestrian soldiers she killed in Creta. Havoc. The bullet she didn't shoot because Roy got back to normal after she pointed her gun on him. A bullet she shot in Barry the Chopper. Bullets she shot on the Homunculus Lust. Bullets she shot on Scar. And countless more. Riza could almost feel the hit of the gun at the shot. There were more birds coming. They were in a formation. Like soldiers marching down the Ishval streets. They flew like bullets shot by snipers, who sat next to each other on the city wall.

Riza stopped the car. She wasn't able to think normally anymore. She stepped out and walked slowly to the dry grass next to the road. She touched the grass. It was sharp. At the touch it felt like stings on Riza's hand. It was piercing her fingers. Like the finger of Homunculus Lust, when she pierced both Roy and Havoc. Like the injection Havoc got when he was taken hostage. Like all the injections she got in the hospital after she almost died.

A mouse came close to Riza. Its teeth looked like swords. Sword which cut her throat. Swords of Bradley or Wrath, which pierced Roy's hands to the ground. The knives she used in the battle to reclaim Ishval. A knife Maes tried to use before he was killed.

Pictures ran in front of Riza's eyes. The Isvalians, running away and screaming with horror. The children with wide red eyes and guns in their hands. The bullets which ended their lives. The Elric house with blood all over the floor and some alchemy symbols around a huge container filled with various elements. An empty telephone booth with blood on the ground. Elicia's screams. Roy's tears. Roy falling to the ground with holes in his stomach, which he burned before. Havoc pierced through his whole body lying in a pool of blood. Her throat being cut. Roy pierced to the ground. Roy saying his eyesight was taken from him. The bullet hitting her chest. The pain in her whole body. She, Roy and Havoc pinned to a wall in a cell in Ishval. She and Havoc being beaten. Fuery falling dead to the ground. A bullet hitting Havoc, his lifeless eyes looking at the ceiling.

Riza fell to her knees. She looked at the sky. She whispered: "Why?" The pictures played in her head. She could feel the pain in each of the situations as if it happened on that moment. She could feel the pain on her body and on her soul. She took a deep breath and then she screamed. She had never screamed so loud in her life. It was a scream full of pain, horror and grief. It was a scream, which displayed everything bad what ever happened in her life. It scared all the birds on the trees, which flew away in all directions.

Riza never knew how she fell to the ground. She felt the grass on her face. She saw the land in front of her, but the pictures never reached her mind. Slowly everything disappeared in a white fog.

When Riza woke up, the sun was already high on the sky. She must had been there for a few hours. She sat up, confused how she came there. It took a few minutes, until she remembered everything. She laid her head on her knees and cried. 'Am I getting mad? Or am I mad already? Roy, where are you?' Riza watched the country around her. It wasn't that creepy at all. The birds sang in the trees. There are a few flowers, which found their way between the stones. They were small but they hang on life with their whole strength. Riza looked determined on the car. 'I have to do this. I chose my path long ago. I have to protect Amestris. If I fail, all of them will die. All the people I care about. If I want to get back to Amestris, I have to survive this. I have to stick to the plan. I have to pull out of them as much information as I can. I can't afford being mad. I have to act with my pure mind.'

She stood up and walked to the car. She continued with her journey. After another few hours, she reached the city she was in yesterday. Riza was surprised that she reached the city so quickly. She drove much faster than she thought. She was surprised that the car could do that. It was better than it looked like. This time, she didn't stop there. After the events of the previous evening and after two nights without any sleep, Riza wasn't hungry at all.

Riza continued without break to the Creta borders. She waited there for about half an hour, until the car, which was following her for the whole time came. Riza was surprised to see the Colonel stepping out from the car.

"Good job, Hawkeye," he said when he came to her. Riza could make a weak smile. "Thank you, Sir." He looked straight in her eyes. "You look unlucky. I hope you aren't so sorry for shooting whom you claimed to be not your friend anymore. Or did you lie to me about that?" Riza shook her head. "No, Sir. I am just tired after the whole night I haven't slept." The Colonel began to walk in front of Riza. "To be honest, I didn't think you could to that. That's why I decided to follow you to Amestris and make sure that you can get the job done. I waited in the house on the staircase to the upper floors. When you went away, I went to the basement. And I controlled if you really did shoot that man. I found out that you did a great job. He was dead. You did also drive very fast away as I told you. I was surprised that I reached you first here. I think you did pull the car very strong. Now, we can return to Creta. I think it would be inappropriate for you to start as an Officer in the military. Therefore I decided that you can start as the Warrant Officer." Riza saluted. "Thank you very much, Sir."