Inked Parchment (formerly: Unspoken Words)

Am I? (Spoken Word Poetry)

Am I?
Melody Candano

Am I depressed?

'Cause I feel like I'm in a box slowly filled with water, barely breathing, but no matter how hard my situation is, I gotta find a way to escape in order for me to survive.

It's like I'm a facing a 4 sided wall seeing nothing but grey.

I feel like I'm a daisy in a field of roses. Worthless.

It's like I'm in a maze not knowing what direction to take, losing hope how to escape.

I feel like I'm in the middle of a battlefield unable to move because I'm afraid I might get hit by a bullet.

It's like I'm a bomb that in any minute will explode but I tried not to because I'm afraid I might hurt someone.

I feel like I'm mute, unable to express what I want that's why I keep it to myself.

I don't want to face the mirror because I'm afraid of seeing my imperfections.

This feeling is the darkness that eats up my only light, it eats up my only hope. It destroys me, and the worst is it might kill me.

And yet, a lot of people were saying, "It's okay, everything will be alright" because they don't know.

They don't know how lonely I am,
They don't know how pained I am,
They don't know how broken I am.

It's because no one knows what's inside of me.
No one knows what I'm going through.

Yes, I am fine outside.
I am calm but inside of me is a mess, it's a total disaster.

There's a scream, and behind that scream is almost a whisper asking, "Why does it have to be like this? When will this end?"

There's a lot of questions running on my mind but there's no one to answer me because no one hears me out. No one understands me.

And it hurts.
It hurts knowing the fact that nobody is on my side.
That I'm alone,
That I'm ignored,
That I'm abandoned.

I feel like my good isn't good enough, that no matter how hard I try I'm still nothing, just another nothing.

Worthless, Stupid, Coward, Ugly, Loser, name it all!
I hate my personality,
I hate my appearance,
I hate myself.

That's why I decided to build up a wall.
I build up a wall that covers up my flaws, my imperfections, and behind that wall, I feel safe because I'm free to do anything I want without the fear of being judged.
And I want it this way.

I'm supposed to be strong,
I'm supposed to handle things but I can't.

I have lost interest on everything,
And it feels like the world turned its back on me.

So can anyone tell me,
Am I depressed?
Am I?

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AM I?
Spoken Word Poetry
Theme: Depression
Written by Melody Candano

[Credits to the rightful owner of the photo in the media section]