Reddie Nights

🔸Shot 12 ~ For The Better I🔸

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RICHIE'S POV

Eds💘: Richie, please, can
we talk?

Eddie's name lit up my phone screen as my phone chimed from his text. I was laying in my bed and staring at the ceiling with red, stinging eyes. No matter how much I wiped them away, they kept coming.

Me: We shouldn't, Eddie

Eds💘: Why not? Richie, please,
it's been months, I
can't keep going like this without you.
I can't breathe
without you, I can't sleep without you.
What happened?

Me: I loved you

Eds💘: Then why did you leave me?
If you loved me...why did you
leave me, Richie? Did
you never love me at all?

Me: I left you because
I was hurting you.
I loved you, my God I
did and I still do...but it's
never just as simple as
that. Day in, day out I hurt
you. I took everything
out on you. I blamed you.
And I broke you...you
weren't the same person you
were the day I met you,
especially not after It, It made things worse.
Your smile slowly faded and
each day would be a
new argument. It wasn't easy,
for any of us. But it's all
for the best. I promise, you'll
find someone who
treats you better, who cares
better for you, who
protects and shelters you
from hurt better than
I ever did. I didn't mean
it, I swear I didn't.
But coming from a broken
home as you know, a
broken family, I was
constantly stressed.
I'm a Trashmouth, right?
I'm trash, always will be.
It was never fair on your behalf.
I know you say "I love you, and I
promise I'll be here
every step of the way. I don't
care if you're upset, I'll help you.
Take your anger
out on me, it's okay".
But honestly, it's not
fucking okay, not by me.
I'm torn, I can no
longer pretend it's all fine
just for the sake of
making you happy.
So please, don't say I never loved
you, because I do.
I still love you, and I promise
I always will. Forever.
But it's best if I leave
you alone, you deserve better, Eds.
I'm nothing, always have
been and always will be

Eds💘: Dammit, Richie,
don't you get it?
You're the only one for me,
you always have been
and always will be.
I know we can get through
anything, just like we always have,
together. You're not nothing, you're
fucking everything to me.
Please don't leave me!

Me: I'm sorry, Eds. You're
everything to me too. I can't
live without you...

Me: But I can't go on hurting you
like this. You deserve better than me,
you always have

Eds💘: Dammit, Richie please.
You're everything to me, you're
the only one I want. Let me help
you, please

Me: I'm sorry, Eddie.
I love you, more than anything
and I promise, I always will.
But you deserve better.
Goodbye, Eds

Eds💘: Richie, please don't leave me,
I love you no matter what, I always have
and always will. I want you, I want us

Eds💘: I know it's hard, but I know
we can get through anything together. You're
a really great guy, Richie. The best. Please, believe me
I love you

Eds💘: Richie

Eds💘: Richie?

Eds💘: Richie, answer me, please!

But I didn't answer him. I sat up on the edge of the bed and held my head in my hands. I threw my phone across the room after a few moments. It didn't break, even though I sort of hoped it would.

I love Eddie so much, but he deserves better than me. I'm not just a Trashmouth, I'm downright trash, like my family says. I don't deserve Eddie's unconditional love. I don't deserve Eddie at all. I don't deserve a happy life with him.

I don't deserve to live at all.

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11|23|17

Part 2? ~ Jae👑