Sincerely, Sara

Chapter 6

Unfortunately, I didn't go to that movie. I need to reread that book anyway.

I had to get up early again this morning to go to the hospital, another day in the life of a cancer patient.

I remembered not to eat this time. I think I would have thrown up without the chemo, my stomach was churning with apprehension.

Would I have limited days to live? Would I have to get surgery? Would I ever recover? There were so many questions, questions without answers.

Yet.

Today, there is a different nurse that leads us through the hallways. She is much older, stiffer, and prudish almost. I miss the nurse that was so warm and happy, even though she kind of annoyed me.

I didn't see the man with one arm that reassured me last time, or the little girl that played tag, but some faces I recognized. A boy about my age, maybe a little older, wandered around the halls. He has tousled brown am hair and practically the bluest eyes I have ever seen. Frankly... he's hot.

His eyes meet mine and I realize that I have been staring, for way too long. I feel my cheeks heat up, he smiled at me and I grinned back at him sheepishly.

"Miss! This is your room, before your treatment your doctor would like to speak to you" I raised my eyebrow, suddenly concerned.

Why would I need to see the doctor first? The room looked more like a doctors office room than a hospital room.

I sat on the cot and my mom took a seat in a chair that looked far from comfortable. I tapped my fingers against the paper, my moms leg bounced up and down. Obviously she didn't know this would happen either.

After what seemed like 2 hours the door opened. "Hello, I'm Dr. Fretti." this tall, blonde, and young looking woman was not my normal doctor...

"Where's my normal doctor?" I interrupted her.

"Your normal doctor doesn't specialize in cancer." She smiled at me, but something about her smile was off. As if she was sympathetic.

"So I'm betting you want to know why you came here first, instead of going straight to treatment." She paused "We have some bad news."

My mom sucked in a sharp breath, I squeezed my eyes shut. I just got diagnosed with cancer and now I was getting even more bad news? Great.

"Sweetie, we have come to a conclusion on the stage of cancer you have. You... you're in stage 4. I'm so sorry." I gasped. How had I not known for so long. "You have only around 3 or four weeks to live. I... I am so so sorry."

I felt my mouth go slack, I heard my mother sob, I couldn't help but think back. "It doesn't seem like it, but it gets better". It wouldn't get better, not for me.

This time I did not find a courtyard, I did not scream or pull at my hair. I just sat there. When the crabby, old nurse came to take me to chemo I told her no.

She was pissed, of course, she tried to grab my arm but I shot her a venomous look and she backed off.

I shuffled down the long sterile hallways, I saw a lot of people but I still didn't really see them. My mom didn't protest as I walked away from the chemo room and straight out to the car.

3 to 4 weeks. That's all I had left. What was I going to do?