Lost Then Found

Lost Then Found (17)

After lastnight I fell into a little depression. I woke up back on my old schedule, I stayed in the house walking around like a zombie. Everyone went out so I was home alone drowning my sorrows in Häagen-Dazs 'Vanilla Swiss Almond' ice cream watching the "Boy Meets World" marathon. He really let me down man... I don't usually get like this over a boy, but he's different. He cut me.

By now it's like 2:30pm and I'm in the exact same place I was a hour and a half ago. My room, my bed, watching Boy Meets World yearning for the endless love of Cory and Topanga, just depressed.. I hear someone's car pull up in my driveway very recklessly. I looked out my window and saw that it was Bennie's car and immediately I knew something was wrong. I ran down the stairs, to the front door, opened it and he was standing there. I could see in his eyes that something very horrible had happened. He wasn't his normal self.

"Bennie what's wro-" before I could even finish my question he fell into my arms holding me like his life depended on it. Right then, I knew. I knew why he was acting like this. He let go of me, I closed the door, took his hand and went up to my room.

I crawled into my bed under the covers and signaled for him to do the same. He took off his sneakers, put them outside of my door and crawled into my bed under the covers as I did. I unpaused my show and grabbed my tub of icecream from my nightstand. We sat there passing the tub and spoon back and forth, I was just waiting for him to start talking, and a couple minutes passed. He rested his head on my shoulder and started...

"You're right you know," I looked at him confused and listened as he explained.

"I never learn. She hurts me over and over and I just go back to her, erasing the past as if it never really happened. Because I don't want it to happen, so I just ignore it. Ignore the fact that she cheated on me, many times at that, she really doesn't care about me. And I damn sure know that she doesn't love me. Not at all as much as I love her."

"You deserve better than her. You're way out of her league Bennie. I know it's hard, trust me I definitely do, but guess what, it'll all work out in the end. You need to let her go."

"I want to... but I can't."

"What do you mean you can't? There is nothing stopping you. Nothing in your way for you to not be free of her.."

"...I know, you're right."

I now lay my head on his shoulder, thinking about Marcus.

"We have to let go of them. They aren't worth our unhappiness. I've been feeling unhappy for some time, and I'm now realizing it. When I first met him, I never would've thought in a million years that he would make me feel like this. I don't want to let him go, but I have to. I have to think about me."

We sat there, silently for a couple of seconds. Listening as the rain trickled down my windows..

"When are we gonna find good people? People who don't cheat, or do drugs. When are we gonna be happy, with genuinely good, loving people?"

"I don't know Sam. I wish I had an answer to that question, but I don't."

I moved into his arm and rested my head on his chest and 20 minutes later, we were knocked.

~~~~~~~~