Next part, heres you gooo.
They are sort of crap chapters, not much is happening yet.
Sorry about that.
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Chapter six - Let's talk
Wednesday morning.
That's what I said to Jay. We didn't end up talking in the end, but never mind. I went to sleep for a while, and then woke up feeling a little better. This was after I chucked up a few more times. I swear, it sucks! I was talking to Lisha when Cole decided to come round again, he went home for a while to change and get clothes and stuff.
I was still in bed when he came round; I was hot one minute then freezing the next. I re arranged my bed to try and get comfortable but my whole body hurts so I gave up. Cole climbed in next to me and pulled me to his chest. 'I need to hold you, and not let go,' he said. I didn't object. I was curled into his side with my head on his chest still talking to Lisha when he said the same thing I said to Jay. 'Let's talk. We need to talk.' Honestly, the worst conversation I have had so far in my life.
We didn't spend long talking though, he was saying what would happen if I was sick, that he'd always come to the hospital, and he would be there for me when I had treatments and needed them. I thought I would be the first to cry, I was wrong. He shut himself away in my en suit washing his face. I went to check him a while later and then we went back to bed. He wouldn't let me go, and spent the night hold me so tight. I don't even think he moved.
I woke up this morning and had a message for Lisha, asking if I was up, at two in the morning. I would have answered her if she needed to talk, but Cole had turned my phone off.
Before she went to sleep, Lisha asked me what my mum had said when I told her about my tests. I told her my mum said 'It's just tests' hugged me and that was about it. I dunno what to make of that, she said it may be hopeful but I kinda agree with Lisha when she said it was maybe a little cold. Maybe she's worried and doesn't want to let it show? I dunno. I'm just going to wait it out and see what happens.
Jay says he isn't avoiding me, I never said he was? Either way, I give up; he can talk if he wants to. If he doesn't, guess I'll live. Ugh, I take that word for granted. I mean, if I do have Luke, what are the chances I am going to end up in a box at the end? Oh well, I made a playlist yesterday while I was curled up on the sofa. A few songs, old school by Headly, airplanes by B.O.B and Hayley Williams. Then there was; good to you, lover dearest, beside you, cross my heart, all by Marianas Trench. And I named it, the funeral list. There was also chasing cars by snow patrol, from where you are by lifehouse, Stand in theRain by SuperChick. Then there were a few more. Cole wasn't very happy as you can bet. Something made me want to do it though; I want decent songs at my funeral!
I get my results tomorrow, I'll admit it. I am totally pooing my pants. But what can I do about it, whatever the results are, that's what they are. I can't change them. I'm going to be prepared for a leukaemia diagnosis. That way, I'll be ready if I have it, and bouncing off the walls if I don't. Then again, if it isn't leukaemia, then what the hell is it? Because it isn't just a little sick bug I can tell you that much.
That's all; I will come back to you later. Ciao x
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