Beneath Your Beautiful (H.S. AU)

Chapter 19

I heard people around me screaming and yelling, but I couldn't place what they were saying. Everything around me seemed to turn into slow motion. I felt my body going weak beneath me, and I fell to the ground. "I'm just dreaming," I told myself over and over again like this was just some stupid nightmare, but it wasn't. It was reality, and it was literally tearing my heart apart piece by piece.

It's my fault. I could have prevented it if I'd just known. It was like a burning knife had been stabbed right into my heart and all I'd done was let it. I was tormented and in that moment I just wanted to fall asleep and never wake up again. I couldn't feel my body anymore, and I felt the air like a grid trying to suffocate me. My whole life seemed to be flashing in front of my eyes and no matter what I had changed or done differently everything seemed to lead me right back to this place. To this moment.

I could see shadows move, but they were no longer nothing but a blur to my eyes. No sound was any longer audible, and I just wanted to disappear along with my hearing and my sight. I wanted the pain to stop, and I wanted not to feel again.

A pair of arms grabbed me from the ground and pulled me back to my feet, but I didn't want this. I wanted to be left alone and escape into the darkness and not once look back to this life.

"It'll be okay," I heard his voice whisper into my ear, but I shook my head frantically not believing him.

"Leave me alone!" I yelled or so I thought I did, but I wasn't sure anymore. "Leave me alone," I said again while hitting his chest repeatedly. "Leave!" I demanded, but he didn't budge. He just stood still, and I wondered if I my actions had all been in my head.

"Leave," I tried again, and continued to hit while tears streamed down my face, but it wasn't because I actually wanted him to go. It was just my way to get rid of my anger because of everything that had happened.

"It'll be okay," he said again and wrapped his arms around me as I cried into his chest and as I smelled his familiar cologne my words changed taken me by surprise.

"Don't leave me," I sobbed like a child afraid to say goodbye to their parents on the first day of school. It was foreign territory -something new and something completely scary and I knew then that I would no longer be the same person. I needed him now more than ever.

Harry placed a hand on my nape and pulled me tighter trying to hush me, but it didn't work. When I looked up after some time and directed my gaze away from Harry's warm jacket I noticed the stretcher, and I literally felt my soul tear up in two by the sight. On top were a black plastic back wrapped around the body - her body. I quickly buried my face in Harry's jacket again trying to let go of the reality happening around me. "I'm not leaving you," Harry promised, and though I wanted to smile at the fact that we were actually talking again and that he was being the Harry I had come to like so much, I couldn't. Maya was gone and I couldn't help but wonder if a smile would ever fall upon my lips again.

"Trinity Roberts?" I heard a man's voice behind me, and I quickly pulled away from Harry's comfortable embrace, missing him instantly.

"Y-yes," I mumbled trying to pull myself together.

"Hi. I'm William Abraham," he showed me his badge letting me know he was from the police. I gulped. I didn't want to have to be interrogated, but I knew it was probably necessary.

"So you were Miss Evans roommate?" He asked, and I nodded. It felt odd to me to speak about her in past tense and even more odd to talk about her as Miss Evans.

"Can't this fucking wait? Her roommate just died for fuck sake!" Harry yelled taken me aback by his use of words.

Died.