With nothing better to do and Maya constantly telling me things were okay even though I knew they weren't, I went to the cemetery. Normally, I would have taken the subway since it was quite far, but the weather was nice for October, and I needed to clear my head.
School was the same, Maya barely showed up, Harry ignored me, and Niall and I barely spoke to each other. It was better that way though, I reminded myself. I couldn't keep running back to Niall when life got hard. And honestly it wasn't the fact that we didn't talk much that bothered me. It was Harry. He was back to being the mean person I despised, and I hated him for it. I really thought we had made progress but no, he just had to get one of his tantrums and destroy everything. What hurt the most though was that in every break I saw him with Paige which surprised me since Zayn had said they had history. It seemed to me that Harry didn't sleep with people he knew already. Maybe after all she could make him feel better and he had decided to let her? I didn't know his reasons, and in all honesty I had hoped it would be me and not her. Especially since I couldn't help but think that the only way she could make him feel better was in bed and the thought of that made me want to throw up. The wind hit my face like a calm breeze. I liked being outside to enjoy the weather. It made me relax, and I really needed that with Harry constantly haunting my mind and Maya constantly worrying me with her distance. As I entered the gate to the cemetery I felt uneasy. I didn't know why, but something just seemed off. I figured it was probably just the thought of all the dead people being buried in here so I began to shrug it off, but it stayed with me in the back of my mind.
"Hey grams," I said, when I found her grave and tried to find a smile but failed. Apparently nothing could change the frustrating mood I was in. "I really wish you were here. I could really use your advice right now. I don't know what is happening around me." I looked up at the sky and let out a sigh. If only I was six years old again.
"Everybody seems to be lying to me, and nobody wants to let me in," I ran my tongue along my lips. "I'm not any better though. I haven't told anyone about you, and I know it's wrong but I don't want their pity. They already look down at me because of the clothes I wear, and I really don't need another reason for them to talk, you know."
The temperature seemed to have dropped and I hugged myself and started walking a little on the spot to keep myself warm. The sun was hiding behind a cloud, and I felt goose bumps prickle my skin. "I miss you a lot," I said, and tears I didn't know I had been holding started to fall. "I miss talking to you, and I just miss being happy," I spoke honestly and wiped away my tears. I placed a hand on the headstone, "I love you, grams. With all my heart," I whispered the last part and more tears stained my cheeks. I knew how stupid it was that I still desperately loved the dead, but I had no one left in my life and because of that I kept opening a door that should have been closed a long time ago. I needed to let go; yet I couldn't.
When I got home after being gone for hours the same feeling of something seeming off reappeared and I hugged myself as coldness seemed to consume me the minute I stepped inside. "Maya?" I said, wondering if she was still home. "Maya?" I tried again, and when she didn't reply I quickly called her afraid of what might have happened to her. The last time she was gone really scared me, and I wasn't ready to go through that again. Her cellphone rang from the bathroom and my eyes narrowed in confusion as I hung up. I rapidly headed to the bathroom wanting to know what was happening only to find my worst nightmare. The minute I saw what was in front of me I collapsed on the floor and started crying hysterically. My whole body was quivering and I didn't dare look up afraid that if I did I would know that this wasn't a dream, but a nightmare - my nightmare.
"Maya?" I tried to say, but it was nothing but a whisper, and I wondered if her name had actually left my mouth.
Tears streamed down my face, and I just wanted to wake up from this. I didn't want this. I didn't want any of it. "Maya?" I tried again, but it was no louder than a whisper.
"Maya!" I screamed and looked up hoping to get a reply, but I didn't. Her lifeless body was haunting my mind - haunting my soul. I wanted to scream again. I wanted to shake her to wake, but I knew no matter what I did nothing could wake her from her never-ending sleep.
Sleeping.
That was all she was I wanted myself to believe, but I couldn't as her pale body with her mouth slightly open and motionless eyes told me otherwise. "Don't leave me," I whispered and found a cloth wanting to wipe away the solidified blood underneath her nose, but I simply couldn't so instead I found my phone and quickly called 911 as I wiped away my tears and tried to find my voice.
"911 what's your emergency?" I heard a woman on the other line ask, and I wasn't sure what to tell her.
"I- I- she-she's," I mumbled, trying to find my words through my cries.
"Miss, I need you to calm down and tell me what happened," the woman said, with a calm voice, and I wondered how she could be so calm about this. Maya wasn't okay. Maya was- I wasn't sure, but this lady shouldn't be this calm. I took a deep breath trying to calm myself, but it didn't stop the tears from falling or my body from shaking with each cry. "My friend-" I started, "s-she isn't responding-" I mumbled and realized that was probably the worst way of describing the state Maya was in, but I simply couldn't form the right words on my tongue. I was afraid that if I did there would be no turning back and I needed that slight hope I still had left.
"What do you mean?" The woman questioned, and I wanted to scream at her to get me an ambulance, but my outburst wouldn't help anyone so I didn't. Instead, I explained the scene in front of me or at least I tried.
"S-she's been drinking," I said as I noticed the half empty vodka bottle next to her. "And she's-" I looked around and noticed a bottle of pills next to her. "And she's taking pills," I stuttered and wiped away my tears. "She's on drugs. Please just come. I- I don't know what to do-," I cried. I wasn't sure if Maya had intentionally tried to make a deathly cocktail, but as far as I knew she had. Why else would you mix alcohol with drugs and medicine? Besides she'd been in a terrible state lately and I thought maybe it was my fault she had come to this. I should have tried harder to help her.
"Okay, I need you to stay calm. What's your name?"
"Trinity- Trinity Roberts," I looked down at Maya once again, and she looked exactly the same she had done a moment ago. I poked her with a finger, hoping to get some movement from her, but she didn't budge.
I gave the woman my address as the last thing before I hung up and turned my attention back to Maya. "You'll be okay." I tried to assure myself. "They are coming for you," I spoke with a smile forming on my lips as I actually started to believe my own words though I knew very well she wouldn't be okay. I took her hand. It was cold, and when I placed two fingers on her wrist I didn't feel a pulse. "Don't leave me," I whispered and wiped my face with the sleeve of my shirt. Without thinking twice I tilted Maya's head back a little and closed her nose with my fingers, as I placed my mouth on top of hers and blew twice. "Cmon!" I screamed through my cries, but just as before I didn't get a response from her. I wanted to start making CPR on her, but I knew very well there was no way I could get the clothes off her upper body and even if I could my poor attempt of CPR wouldn't make much difference. I had learned how to do it in school, but I knew deep inside it was already too late, though I tried to fight away the thought of that. The paramedics would come and they could help her, I kept reminding myself.
In the distance I heard the sirens coming closer, which reminded me of an old dream or more like an old memory which made me question: Why does this keep happening to me? Was this what my dreams had been telling me? Was this my fate too? To leave way too early? I had already survived one accident and three peoples' death in my life. How much more could I take before everything would come crumbling down around me and destroy my world too? Maya's emotionless eyes haunted me. "I can't do this," I mumbled to myself. "Not again!" I stated and shook my head like a small child refusing to open her or his mouth to the dentist. I refused to believe this and maybe if I just shook my head long enough the reality of it all would disappear.
The knocking on the front door took me by surprise, and I rapidly walked towards the noise. Opening the door, I saw two paramedics, and I didn't even wait for them to ask me anything I just pointed towards the bathroom before I crumbled to the floor and curled my legs up under me to cry once again.
YOU ARE READING
Beneath Your Beautiful (H.S. AU)
Fiksi Remaja'True love doesn't only bring out the best in you. It brings out the worst.' When Trinity meets Harry things change, but it isn't for the better. However, she is eager to know what is behind the wall he has built so high around himself, and...
