The Agency

LXV. little flower

A/N: This chapter shows a brief glance at what Virginie's life was like before the Agency and why she is the way she is. Also what her relationship with David was like. If this kind of thing makes you uncomfortable, you can skip this chapter.

TW: Rape, pedophilia, depression, suicidal thoughts, addiction

David grunted one last time before rolling off of her. Rose stared at the intricate design of the comforter as her bare breasts were once again exposed to the cold air conditioning. She laid on her side, playing with the soft fabric, waiting for David to catch his breath.

David was one of her milder clients. He didn't ask for much when it came to the sexual aspect of their relationship. But he wanted an emotional connection with her. He wanted to hold her for hours and kiss her cheeks real soft like she was made of the strung-out sugar they used for cotton candy. He asked about her name, her life, her interests, and who she wanted to be. She lied. She pretended she was a regular girl because that's what he wanted her to be. It wasn't easy being a police chief who liked teenage girls but David made it happen. It benefitted her to lie as well because she didn't want to talk about the truth. That would make this even more real.

She made him promise not to say that he loved her because she was basically useless once she heard those words. She tried to push that day away from her memory because that identity wasn't a part of her anymore. She wasn't sure if it ever was.

"But I want you to know how I feel," he had cried with puppy eyes.

She remembered looking at him with a dead expression and just turning over. She did not care about his feelings. She couldn't comprehend them either.

What was...love? She only understood it through her brief memories of her late mother and the stupid movies that some of her clients liked to put on before they went to sleep. The romance would go about the same way. Girl is miserable or unhappy. Boy meets girl. Girl kind of hates boy at first. Girl becomes smitten. Boy or girl messes everything up. Everything is fixed. Boy and girl get married and have a wedding. In the movies, they gave away 'I love you's like candy on Halloween. How did they know? What made them so sure?

Before she had her first client, Madam asked her if she had any triggers. "Girls like you always come with some baggage, and I don't want to hear about you seizing up in the middle of a session with a client. It's not good for business. Don't lie and say you don't if you do because it'll do you a lot more good to let me know now so we can fix it," Madam said, leaning across her massive desk.

"I can't hear the three little words other people want to hear so badly," Rose mumbled.

"Why, dear?"

"It's what my mom kept whispering to me when she slit her wrists. She died while I was in her arms and she didn't stop saying it until she did so whenever I hear them I completely lose control. It's like I'm back in the bathtub, trapped in her bloody arms." Rose didn't know why she was telling Madam this. She had never told anyone. Not even her social worker.

To Rose's surprise, Madam only nodded. "I'm sorry to hear that, but I'll take care of it. You'll never hear those words while you're here. I promise." She gave Rose a strange smile. The only time she had ever smiled in her presence. "I'm not sure a girl like you will ever even know what love is so I wouldn't worry about it."

She knew the average woman in her position would feel betrayed, but she didn't care. She learned quickly that she wasn't there to actually 'love' the men. It wasn't like she was the other woman. Rose was just a body to them. Someone for them to pour their hopes and dreams into and talk about how much they hated Sally in HR because she was such a bitch. She wasn't a friend. She wasn't a human being to them. She was there to put on a show. A performance. She was an actress and just being alive and surviving was her role. She would laugh at their jokes, smile when appropriate, and say sexy things for tips but she didn't feel anything. She didn't want anything.