Pushed

Chapter 1

For the next few days Callie had been able to keep herself from cutting but her struggle began to come out in other ways - she wasn't eating or sleeping nearly enough and she was constantly tired and found it hard to concentrate on anything. She did, however, try hard to keep her promise and just like before she went to Stef or Lena whenever she felt down. True to there word, they were always around for her but surprisingly she never felt that they were hovering. She knew that their concern came from the love they had for her and she was trying to do her part as well. But as the day of her first session with her new therapist arrived she got increasingly panicked. Right now Callie was up in her room, supposedly getting ready to leave for the therapist's office but she just couldn't bring herself to get dressed so she was laying on her bed wishing she could get the chicken pox or bit by a rabid dog instead. She was glad that Stef had found her blades and that she had given them the knife because if she hadn't, she was sure she would have lapsed by now. She knew that one of the two adults would be up shortly to find out why she was taking so long because they had to leave but she really didn't care. Anything was better than going to see the therapist. Just as Callie expected, a few minutes later there was a knock on her door. "You ready honey?" Lena asked as she poked her head in. "Callie why aren't you dressed?" She asked as she entered the room and saw Callie lying in bed, still in her pajamas. "I don't want to go." Callie mumbled into her pillow. "We've been over this Callie." Lena said calmly. "Please Lena." Callie begged. "Just give me one more chance. I promise I'll never do it again." Callie felt like such a hypocrite - she had just thought to herself that if she had something to use she would have cut by now. "Sweetheart, you know that's not going to happen." Lena said as she patted Callie's back. "Get up and get dressed before mom comes up here and gets mad." Callie groaned but climbed out of bed and dug through her drawer for something to wear. Lena waited a few moments until Callie had all her clothes and then left the room to give her some privacy to change. Lena headed downstairs to the kitchen where Stef was packing a sandwich into a brown bag. "What's that for?" Lena asked her. "Callie." Stef said. "She skipped breakfast again. Lena nodded. They had both noticed just how little Callie had been eating and they had planned to bring it up with the therapist today. It had worried them considerably but so far they hadn't pushed her. "Where is she?" Stef asked, noticing when Callie didn't appear right behind Lena. "Getting dressed." Lena said and Stef raised her eyebrow. "She was still in bed. She begged me to cancel the appointment." "I don't get why she's so against this." Stef said frustrated. They had battled with Callie over this topic so much over the last few days that Stef was just about done. "We're not the ones who need it." Lena sympathized with the girl as Stef glanced at her watch. They really had to leave if they were going to make the appointment. Stef headed upstairs to get Callie to hurry up and found her rummaging through the bathroom drawer. "Looking for something?" She asked Callie. Callie instantly startled at the sound of her voice. "Um... a rubber band." She said, looking guilty. Stef reached over the counter towards a small basket filled with rubber bands. "Take your pick." She said giving Callie a look that told her that she wasn't fooled for a second. Callie cautiously took the first one that came in her hands, never taking her eyes off Stef. Stef then guided her out the door and to the car. She knew there was nothing for Callie to find in the bathroom but the statement Callie had made about finding something if she wanted it bad enough kept repeating in Stef's mind. Waiting at the therapist's reception area was torture for Callie. If she had to be here she'd rather just go straight in and get it over with. But no, instead Stef was given a clipboard of forms to fill out and Lena was trying to calm a nervous Callie down. "It won't be so bad honey." Lena said softly to the teen. "We'll be right in there with you." Then a thought struck Lena and so she added. "But if, at any time, you want us to leave you just need to ask. We don't want you to worry." Callie nodded. She could see that Lena was trying to make this as easy as possible for her. Unfortunately the easiest thing was to just get up and leave and that just didn't seem to be an option. Finally after twenty minutes of waiting and what seemed like a hundred questions on the forms they were called into the main room. All three entered the room, Lena first followed by Callie and then Stef, to find a slim, short haired woman with a pleasant face waiting for them. She extended her hand to Lena. "I'm Sarah Briggs, please call me Sarah." She introduced with a smile. "Lena Adams Foster." Lena shook the woman's hand. "Stef." Stef also extended her hand. "And you must be Callie." Sarah turned her attention to the girl. Callie didn't respond. She just stared at the woman. But Sarah didn't seem to mind. She motioned for them to sit on the couch while she sat in a chair across from them. She could tell that Callie was nervous and she wanted to make this as comfortable for her as possible. "So why don't you start by telling me a little about yourselves." Sarah began. It was always easier to ease into things rather than jump right in. Stef, Lena and Sarah all waited a few moments for Callie to say something but she remained silent so Stef began. "Well Callie here is currently our foster daughter and has been for over six months now but we are in the process of adopting her. We were able to adopt her brother Jude about a month ago but a problem with Callie's birth certificate has delayed her adoption. We have three other kids at home, two of whom are also adopted and the third is my biological son." "Sounds like a lovely family." Sarah said with a smile. "We're happy." Stef smiled back. "Callie, what about you?" Sarah asked. "It must be nice having such a big family?" But there was still no response from her. Stef reached out and wrapped an arm around Callie encourage her but it didn't work and Sarah continued, not wanting to upset the girl. "Tell me about Jude." The doctor asked. She had been informed of the bond between the siblings and hoped that topic would get the girl to talk. "I hear he's a sweet little boy." A small smile crept up Callie's face. Jude was always a ray of sunshine in her dark world. He could always make her laugh and smile. He was the sole reason that she had survived this long. If it wasn't for him, she would have just given up ages ago. But she had trudged on knowing that she was all he had and if she wasn't around he probably wouldn't have survived either. And even if he could, she knew that she could never do that to him - force him to deal with it all on his own. She had to be there - to protect him and love him - there was no one else. "Can you tell me about him?" Sarah coaxed with a smile, but Callie's defiance was strong. She had no idea who this woman was and yet she was supposed to just tell her everything. How did that even make sense? She didn't want to be here and she was going to make sure they knew that. She wouldn't give in and she wouldn't talk. She promised Stef and Lena that she'd get better on her own but they didn't trust her so why should she trust them? Stef and Lena looked at the doctor helplessly. They could see that Callie wasn't going to talk and neither of them knew what to do. They couldn't force her to say anything. The doctor sensed that the moms had something to say but didn't want to in front of Callie.
"Okay Callie." The doctor said gently. "Why don't you go on and wait outside for a bit while I talk to your moms." Callie tensed ever so slightly in Stef's arms. She didn't want to leave. What would they say while she was gone? What would they decide? She felt Stef pull her closer and she leaned in, relishing the security it brought. Stef knew that Callie was afraid but she knew that they needed to talk to the doctor without Callie. She had questions and concerns but she didn't want to bring them up in front of the girl. But at the same time she was reluctant to let Callie out of her sight. She had a habit of running and right now Stef could tell that Callie wanted to do nothing more than that. "We have a a collection of books and magazines outside." The doctor continued, "Why don't you go have a look and I'll call you back in when we're ready." Callie looked uncertainly up at Stef who nodded encouragingly, giving her a tighter squeeze. "It'll be fine love." Callie sat for a moment longer until she saw this as an opportunity to get away. It would be the first time in almost a week that Callie would be unsupervised. She finally got up and headed towards the door but just as she was leaving she heard Stef say "Stay put Callie." in a warning tone. Stef always knew what she was thinking. Callie paused for the slightest second before letting the door close behind her proving to Stef that her warning wasn't unfounded. The moment the door closed Stef turned to the doctor. "She has a habit of taking off." She explained. "We can't leave her out there too long." "Don't worry about that." Sarah said as she got up and walked over to her desk, picking up the phone. "Grace," She said into the receiver. "Keep an eye on Callie please and don't let her leave. Thanks." "The receptionist will make sure she's okay." Sarah reassured the two women. "This isn't the first time we've had someone want to escape." She gave them a small smile. It was clear to her just how much these two women loved Callie and she could see that they were willing to do whatever it took to help her. "Why don't you tell me what's been happening?" The doctor said. Lena was the first to speak. "Well as we mentioned on the phone, we've caught Callie cutting herself twice now. It was something she used to do some years ago and a few months ago Stef caught her slitting her wrists. We were able to get her through it and she didn't do it again until last week. We didn't really know how to handle it and we needed some help." "Do you know what caused the need for her to hurt herself each time?" She doctor questioned. This time it was Stef who answered. "The first time it was right after we asked if we could adopt her. It seemed to become too much for her and she became afraid that we would change our minds. This time it was because the court ordered that her biological father sign away his rights before we can adopt her and we are going to have a baby and she was afraid that we'd cancel her adoption once the baby came." "A baby?" The doctor asked. "I'm two and a half months pregnant." Lena answered. "Congratulations." Sarah said with a smile. "How has Callie been otherwise?" She asked. "It's generally a very loving and helpful girl." Lena said with so much love in her voice. "Especially towards Jude. She's protected him for so long." "How is he doing?" Sarah asked. "Has he had any difficulty settling?" "No." Stef and Lena both said together." "Jude never lost his ability to trust because Callie never broke a promise." Stef explained. "I just wish someone kept a promise to Callie." "You are." Sarah reminded them. "She's struggling and I know it's hard but whatever you're doing is right. Reassuring her that she's loved, but not letting her get away with unacceptable behavior is the key. She needs to know that she's loved no matter what she does and that even if you do get upset with her she is still safe and wanted." Lena smiled. "Stef's already given her that speech." She said. "I'm sure she has." The doctor laughed back causing Stef to smirk. "I just want her to be safe and happy." Stef said. "That's what we all want, Callie included, I'm sure. And we're going to work together to make that happen." Sarah assured them. "We're going to take it slow so that she's not too uncomfortable or overwhelmed so don't expect progress immediately but it will happen." "In the last few days she hasn't cut herself." Lena stated. "But we've also been watching her like hawks. But she's struggling in other ways." "Like what?" Sarah asked concerned. "She's not eating much and hardly sleeping. She's tired easily and has trouble concentrating." "Alright." The doctor said as she wrote something down on a notepad. "She is trying." Lena said firmly, hoping to get her point across. "I think she just don't know how to open up when she feels things get out of her control." "That's possible." Sarah said. "She has had no one to depend on for so long that she may not even know how to. Also she's been let down so many times that she's afraid to trust. It's not uncommon with children with her background." Sarah waited a moment before asking another question. "Does she ever come to you with a problem?" She asked. "If it concerns Jude then always." Stef said. "No matter how uncomfortable it makes her, she will do what's best for him. "It sounds like she's sacrificed a lot for him." Sarah observed. "Don't worry, we'll get through to her and she will be okay." Both Stef and Lena nodded. They hoped that the doctor was right and that eventually Callie would learn to trust them and allow them to love her. "In the meantime," The doctor continued. "Keep talking to her, show her that she's safe and encourage her to talk to you. I'll have another session with her at the end of the week, you two can wait outside for a while and hopefully she will talk. As for the eating, I don't want to get too worked up about that just yet, it may just be a result of stress so for now give her things that she likes and avoid snacks in-between meals, hopefully she'll be hungry to eat a proper meal. I can give you something to help her sleep, but that also I'd prefer if she could do without." "So do I." Lena said. "I'd rather not get her hooked on pills." "Don't worry. This is a mild sedative and doesn't have any side effects." Sarah said as she handed them a prescription. "One a night, only if she can't sleep on her own." "Thank you so much Sarah." Stef said as she stood up and held out her hand. "We've really been at a loss lately." "My pleasure." Sarah replied as she shook first Stef's and then Lena's hands. "Callie seems like a wonderful girl and she's lucky to have you." Sarah walked the two women out so that she could say bye to Callie and found the girl sitting in an armchair nervously. The moment the door opened she darted up with worried eyes. "Ready to go love?" Stef asked her as she walked over. Callie looked carefully from one adult to the next trying to figure out what had happened. "I'll see you on Friday Callie." Sarah said with a smile. "It was a pleasure meeting you." As expected Callie remained silent. Stef finally held on to her shoulders as she lead her out of the waiting area.