Pushed

Chapter 9

After a grueling twenty minutes Stef makes her way upstairs, afraid of what she might find. Will Callie have hurt herself? Will she have thrown up? Will she even still be there? Stef held her breath as she carefully opened Callie's bedroom door and found her curled on her bed fast asleep. Her face was streaked with dried tears and her nose and the rims of her eyes were still red and puffy. Stef wanted to go and hug her to take away her pain but she was afraid that Callie wouldn't like that. So instead she grabbed the blanket off Mariana's bed and carefully draped it across Callie. She stood over her for a few minutes just looking at her. How could life be so cruel to one little girl, she wondered. What could Callie possibly have ever done to deserve this? Stef felt tears fill her own eyes so she quietly left the room but left the door open so that she could hear Callie when she woke up. She headed into her own room and tried to figure out what had happened. Callie had been a little down when they left the doctor's but she came into the kitchen by herself and she seemed to want to talk to Stef about something, but then suddenly she got completely upset. Only Stef didn't know what about. Stef continued to go over the entire thing in her mind until she was driving herself nuts. Then she pulled out the card that the doctor had given her and dialed the number. "I'd like to speak with Dr. Briggs please. My daughter Callie is a patient of hers." Stef said and then waited to be connected. "Mrs. Adam's Foster." Sarah said into the phone a few minutes later. "Dr. Briggs. I'm so sorry to call like this." Stef began. "It's no trouble. Is Callie alright?" Sarah asked. "I'm not sure." Stef admitted. She then proceeded to tell Sarah exactly what had happened - at least as far as she knew. "I'm just so worried that she'll hurt herself if I don't watch her." Stef ended. "What she was trying to share with you isn't bad I promise." Sarah said. "We talked about it but she isn't quite ready to share it with you yet. What I can tell you is that Callie doesn't want to hurt herself. She does want to get better, only she isn't sure how to do that. Her goal isn't to get away from you to cut herself or force herself to throw up or anything else, that's just her way of coping when her emotions get too much for her. That's when you come in and remind her that she's still loved and still wanted. The rest of the time give her her space." "How do I know when she's reached that point?" Stef asked. Sarah thought for a moment, trying to answer that question without giving away too much of what Callie had said. "When she pushes you away or does something just to annoy you, that's when you worry." Sarah said honestly. Stef was shocked at the statement and she was now more curious than ever about what Callie and Sarah had talked about while she stepped outside. But she didn't ask. She knew that Sarah couldn't tell her and it wasn't fair to Callie to even try. Besides she was more concerned about making sure that Callie was safe and she wasn't sure she'd be able to read the signs correctly. "I know it's hard to let her go and risk it but we want her to trust us and so we need to trust her as well." Sarah continued as though reading Stef's thoughts. "We take every precaution we can but we still need to give her some freedom. It will mean a little more work for you though." "That's not important." Stef said quickly. She's go to the moon and back if it meant helping Callie. "Check on her a couple of times and set aside some time for just the two of you to talk so that she feels like you're still around but she needs some space as well." Sarah explained. "Don't rush her into saying anything she isn't comfortable with, let her come to you in her own time." "I can do that." Stef said. Things seemed more manageable now with the things that Sarah was telling her. "Did she eat anything for lunch?" Sarah asked. "A sandwich." Stef said. "That's good." Sarah said. "Hopefully our plan will work but if it doesn't and she stops eating again don't threaten her with trips to the hospital. If at all she does need to go in we don't want her terrified of it." "She thinks we'll leave her there doesn't she?" Stef asked before she could stop herself and Sarah's silence told her that she was right. "Just relax and take things easy. See how the weekend goes and call me on Sunday night to discuss her progress and school." Sarah said. "Sunday? Are you sure?" Stef asked. "Positive." Sarah said with a smile. "And feel free to call me any time before then if you need to." "Thank you Doctor." Stef said. "You've really been a big help." "My pleasure." Sarah said. "You're doing great. Don't worry." They said goodbye and Stef hung up feeling a little more relaxed and capable of handling the situation. Somehow Sarah telling her that Callie didn't actually want to hurt herself helped her a lot. If she could just make sure to be there when Callie got to that point then Callie wouldn't have to do anything. Stef's thought's continued to play through her mind for the rest of the day. She knew that Callie's biggest fear was still being sent away but unfortunately she couldn't do anything about that until Robert Quinn was found. No amount of reassuring was going to convince Callie - she obviously needed that tangible piece of evidence to prove that she was theirs. The other part that bothered Stef was what Sarah had said about Callie doing something just to annoy her. Thinking back she realized that that happened very often. Does that mean that each time Callie did something she wanted to hurt herself instead? Stef also knew that she didn't do it as much to Lena. Was she more afraid that Stef would leave her? Just as Stef was getting worked up again she was pulled out of her thoughts by a sound in the house. She knew it meant that Callie was up but both their doors were open so she decided to wait a moment and see what would happen. Sarah's confidence in Callie was catching and Stef found herself hoping that Callie would just come to her. Stef was rewarded a moment later by a figure standing at her door. "Come in love." Stef said as she patted the bed beside her. "Good nap?" She asked as Callie climbed in, rubbing her sleepy eyes. Callie nodded and snuggled close to Stef. Stef smiled - now was obviously not one of those times. At lease Callie seemed more willing to come to her by herself now. Just a few months ago Callie would never initiate any physical contact by herself. As Stef was marveling at this progress that Callie had made, Callie was scolding herself yet again for needed someone so much. Stef was the first person that Callie had never needed to be around to feel safe and loved and that angered her more and more. It was ironic that the thing that made her feel calm and happy was also the thing that angered her and took away her strength. Callie felt Stef's hand reach up to her head and begin to comb through her hair. The feeling was so soothing that Callie found herself moving closer to Stef and calming down. Her thoughts were momentarily pushed away as she just enjoyed being in Stef's embrace. Callie imagined that is was how Jude must have felt after a really bad day when Callie would hold him close at bedtime, stroking his hair and promising to protect him from everything. She had tried her best to keep that promise but it hadn't always been possible. But he believed her each and every time. Callie wished that she was naive enough to believe it whenever Stef said the same thing to her. After laying like that for a while Callie pulled herself up to look at Stef and Stef smiled at her. "Can we go for a walk?" Callie asked. "Sure." Stef said. "A walk sounds great." Soon Stef and Callie found themselves walking towards the school. It was almost time for school to end so they decided to walk their and drive back with Lena and Jude. Brandon was spending the night with Mike and the twins both had practice. Stef thought it would be nice for just the four of them to have some time together. She knew that Jude missed his sister a lot lately and while she was feeling better she decided to give them some time together. Lena and Jude was surprised to see Stef and Callie waiting at the car. "Callie." Jude yelled as he ran over and gave Callie a hug. "What are you two doing here?" Lena asked as she reached the group. "We thought we'd surprise you." Stef said with a smile as she and Lena watched the siblings hug. Callie looked so happy to be around Jude and Stef knew that this was the perfect therapy for her. "How about some ice-cream?" Stef suggested. "Yeah!" Jude looked up with bright eyes. "What are you gonna get?" Stef asked as they all climbed into the car. "Banana split, with chocolate, vanilla and strawberry ice-cream, whipped cream, chocolate fudge sauce, nuts and a cherry." Jude rambled off. "Not a chance buddy." Lena said. "Dinner's in a few hours and after that I'm sure you won't eat again until next Wednesday. "I'll share it with you." Callie quickly piped up and Stef and Lena both looked at each other. They had imagined that Callie would try to avoid eating anything but here she was offering to split a sundae with Jude. Stef gave Lena a look telling her to give in. "Alright." Lena said. "You two can share." All four of them smiled but for very different reasons. Jude was getting his sundae so he was thrilled. Callie not only agreed to eat but actually offered which thrilled Stef and Lena and Callie was happy because not only was she helping Jude get what he wanted but she also found a small way to show Stef that she was trying. She knew that the gesture didn't go unnoticed - she could see their smiles. Soon the four of them were sitting at a table at the Daily Scoop, Callie and Jude sharing an enormous sundae that made Lena's stomach ache just looking at it while she and Stef shared a double scoop dark chocolate with white chip cup. Callie and Jude were laughing and talking and anyone who looked on would think that they were the happiest kids in the world. "The teacher made him write her an apology note and read it out in front of the whole class." Jude said laughing so hard that he nearly choked. "It serves him right for being so mean to her." Callie replied smiling at him. "I'm proud of you for sticking up for her baby." Lena said. "Yeah," Stef added. "It takes a lot of courage to do that." By now they had all finished their ice-cream and just as Lena said Jude felt like he couldn't eat another bite for at least a week, and that was after sharing his ice-cream. But Lena couldn't have cared less right now. Both her kids were happy and safe and that's all she wanted. Three hours later the family was sitting down to dinner. Both Callie and Jude were pushing their food around their plates, still too full to really eat. Jude didn't care much but Callie was worried about how it would look to Stef and Lena. She had promised to eat a little and all she had in front of her was some pasta and some salad but after a few bites she began to really feel sick. Her stomach had gotten used to the smaller amounts of food and today's ton of ice-cream wasn't helping at all. Callie was terrified of actually throwing up that she was concentrating so hard on keeping her food down and totally tuned out the whining of the twins. "We want ice-cream too." Mariana whined for the fifth time. "How come you didn't wait for us?" "We don't love you as much." Stef said as she winked at Lena. Mariana knew it was only a joke but she mocked hurt anyways. "Geez thanks mom." "Any time love." Stef teased back. "We should stage a protest." Jesus suggested as he cleared his and Mariana's plates. "Okay. But then you guys won't get any of this." Stef said as she pulled two tubs of ice-cream out of the freezer. "Ohh." Mariana smiled reaching for the raspberry sorbet and passing the cookies n cream one to Jesus."Thanks moms." They said as they dug in. Stef and Lena smiled before turning their attention to the other two. Both were struggling and they felt bad for them. Callie had eaten a little more than Jude but Stef suspected that it was more out of fear than anything else. "You guys can be done." Stef said. Jude immediately looked relieved and got up to put his plate away but Callie looked apprehensive. "It's fine love." Stef said. Callie followed Jude and put her plate away as well. She was feeling more and more nauseous but terrified of throwing up. She didn't want to be sent away. They wouldn't believe that she was really sick this time. Why the hell had she ever started that she wondered.