Pushed

Chapter 27

Monday morning was another difficult day for Callie where breakfast was concerned and Stef and Lena began to see a pattern - bad days were days when she didn't want something to happen like her check ups or days when she had her therapy appointment. Though Callie was doing a lot better with Sarah as well as in general, she still thought of therapy as some sort of punishment and a sign of being weak and crazy. But still there was significant improvement. Callie wasn't hurting herself and though she had bad days food-wise she still made an effort to eat something at each meal. Lunch at school was the only meal she seemed to skip but they made up for it by making her eat as soon as they got home. The rest of the time Callie focused on her school work. There was only one more week till midterms and after missing almost two weeks of school she was afraid that she wouldn't catch up so she threw herself into schoolwork and that not only helped her study but was also a welcome distraction from all the dark thoughts that frequently filled her mind. After school on Monday Stef drove Callie to her appointment while Lena drove the other kids home. As Stef watched Callie she could see the dark cloud that hovered over Callie as they neared the doctor's office. "Honey what's wrong?" Stef asked. "I don't want to go." Callie said. "Why not?" Stef questioned. "I just don't." Callie said, looking out the window. "There had to be a reason." Stef stated. "You need to talk about it." Callie remained silent. She didn't want to go because she was sick and tried of being a freak. She was fed up of trying to figure out how she was feeling every second of every day and she was done with being different. But she knew her mom's wouldn't be thrilled at hearing any of that. "We have a deal Callie." Stef reminded her. "You tell us when something big's going through your mind." "It's not big." Callie said. "If it's changed your mood this much then it must be." Stef said and Callie sighed. "I'm just tired." She finally said. "I'm tired of trying to get better. It's harder than I thought." "What part is so hard?" Sarah asked fifteen minutes later. Stef had related their conversation in the car and now they were in the process of figuring out how to help Callie deal with her new feelings. "All of it." Callie said. "Trying all the time and being watched. It's like being under a microscope." "Your moms?" Sarah asked, as if they weren't sitting right there with them. "And my brothers and sister, the kids at school, the teachers, you." Callie listed. "It's like they are always watching me, like I'm some caged animal in a zoo or something." "Your mom's said that they've cut down on your check ups and that you sleep in your own bed every night now." Sarah said. "Yeah, but I'm grounded." Callie said. "So they're still always around." "Sweetheart you are not grounded because you hurt yourself or because you need help." Stef said. "You're grounded because you snuck out of the house to go to a party we specifically told you not to go to." "Are you staying by their side the whole time you're home?" Sarah asked and Callie shook her head. "So you're just basically in the house, they aren't actually watching you?" Sarah clarified. "Just mealtimes." Callie said. "So that's better than before right?" Sarah said and once again Callie nodded. "Why do you think that they've stopped hovering?" Sarah questioned "because I don't hurt myself anymore." Callie answered easily. "And what does that mean?" Sarah asked. "That I don't cut myself." Callie explained, confused about the question. Sarah smiled. "Yes, but it means that you are getting better." She said. "It means that all that hard work that you are putting in and that's making you feel so exhausted is actually paying off." "She is doing a lot better." Stef agreed. "She's trying hard with everything. She doesn't hurt herself and she's eating more, even when she doesn't want to." "She looked better." Sarah said. "She smiles now, which she never did at first. It's such a pretty smile and I'm glad I got to see it." "That it is." Stef said. "We are so proud of her." Callie smiled shyly but squirmed uncomfortably under all the praise and laughed as she pulled Calle close for a hug, giving her a squeeze. "We are very proud of you baby." She said. "I know you thing that you're becoming weak and losing control but the truth is that you're so strong. You're strong enough to fight through something that's so hard for you. You just can't see it but it's there and we can see it clearly." "You're mom's right." Sarah said. "It takes a lot more effort to get better than it does to just let things continue." "I'm not all better." Callie said. "I had a fight with Mariana." "About what?" Sarah asked. "I was mad at her for telling Jude that I cut myself." She explained. "And what did you do?" Sarah asked. "I yelled at her and told her that she wasn't his sister." Callie said softly, looking guiltily at Stef. She knew how much her moms hated it whenever anyone was told that they weren't a part of the family. "Mariana is a twin right?" Sarah confirmed. Stef and Callie both nodded. "Her brother is Jesus." Stef said. "And do they fight?" Sarah asked Callie. "All the time." Callie said with a small smile. "And have they ever said that they wished the other didn't exist or that they wished they weren't related?" Sarah asked. Callie nodded slowly. "Does that change the fact that they are, in fact, brother and sister?" Sarah asked. "No." Callie said softly. Sarah smiled. "All siblings fight, and they should." "Oh great." Stef mumbled jokingly, receiving a grin from Callie. "She's right." She added. "Siblings do fight." "I never fought with Jude." Callie said. "At least not like that. I'd get mad at him sometimes and he'd get mad at me, but it wasn't like that. We never said that we hated each other or that we wished they didn't exist." "That's not a good thing." Sarah said, receiving an odd look from Callie. "It's not." She confirmed. "You and Jude didn't have a normal sister / brother relationship. You two only had each other so you'd never say you didn't love each other or wish that he didn't exist. You spent your time protecting him. You didn't fight like siblings because you weren't just his sister - you were his protector, you were like his mom for so many years and now even though you have two moms to take over you still find it hard to just go back to being just siblings." Callie looked to Stef who nodded in agreement to everything that Sarah was saying. "What you and Mariana have is just a normal sibling relationship." Sarah continued. "And though you fight and say mean things to each other sometimes, it's still a good thing - a very good thing." When Stef and Callie got home Lena and Mariana were in the kitchen making dinner. Callie went straight to Mariana and hugged her. "I love you." She said to the startled girl. "I love you and I'm glad you're my sister." Stef and Lena looked on with a smile. Lena turned to Stef with a questioning look, silently asking what had happened. "She realized that fighting was part of being siblings." Stef whispered and Lena raised an eyebrow but smiled nonetheless. As the days passed all the kids began to get anxious about the upcoming exams and Lena spent hours sitting with each one helping them out with areas they found difficult. It wasn't too hard since Callie and Brandon had the same work and so did the twins. At least she was able to work with them two at a time. Jude was the only one who needed her full concentration when it came to math. He was still struggling with that sometimes and though he had gotten a lot better, he tended to mix up formulas and strategies when it was all put together. Stef, on the other hand, was making sure that all of them, including Lena, took some time away from their school work. She was the one reminding everyone to stop for lunch and dinner and to go outside for a while for some fresh air. "Okay guys, it's five, let's all go out back and have some fun." Stef said, poking her head into the dining room where Lena was sitting surrounded by the kids - text books, notebooks and worksheets all around them. "Mom's right guys." Lena said as she closed Mariana's textbook. "Let's take a break and we can continue for a while after dinner. She knew that they needed breaks as well - it helped them focus better and remember more. Soon all seven of them were out in the back yard. Jesus and Jude were expelling some pent up energy - a much needed activity for them. Brandon and Callie were sitting under the tree with the guitar - Callie was getting so much better and lately she had been practicing more and more - another sign that she was on the mend and Mariana was sitting with her moms, just relaxing and enjoying the peace. "So Miss. Thing." Stef said, playing with her daughter's ponytail. "How's Matt?" "Okay I guess." Mariana said. "I hardly get to seem him except for lunch at school." She almost grumbled. "But you're still up texting until late at night." Stef said with a straight face. Stef and Lena watched as Mariana's eyes went wide at the realization that her moms knew what she was up to. They laughed at her and leaned over to kiss her on either side of her face. "As long as you aren't falling asleep during the day it's fine." Lena said and watched Mariana visibly relax. "He's nice to me." Mariana said softly. "He kinda makes me think about stuff." "Like what?" Lena asked curiously. "Well, he's the first one outside of you guys that questioned why I changed my hair." Mariana said. "What did he say exactly?" Stef wondered, hoping that he hadn't hurt her feelings. As much as she wished that Mariana would go back to her natural hair she didn't want anyone making her feel bad about it. "Just that I didn't need to be someone I'm not just to impress someone." Mariana said and both Stef and Lena smiled. "But when we said that, you thought we were crazy." Stef teased. "I told you that you were beautiful just the way you are." "You're my moms, you have to say that." Mariana said. "Right." Stef said. "So there can't be any truth to it." She gave Mariana a sly look and pulled her hair gently. The three turned their attention to the two younger boys, chasing each other around the tree as the sound of Callie's guitar filled the air. Finally Monday morning was here and all the kids were up early, ready and down at breakfast with their noses in their books for the last bit of cramming. Stef had insisted that they stop studying early the night before and watch a movie before heading to bed early and it payed off because all the kids seemed relaxed and rested as they came downstairs. Both moms were anticipating a struggle from Callie about breakfast. Over the weekend she had grown more anxious than the rest about the upcoming exams - her greatest fear being that she would be held back and have an extra year at Anchor Beach. As a result Lena made french toast in an attempt to make it a little easier on Callie. The moment Callie came down the steps Stef lead her into the living room. "I know you're stressed right now and you'd prefer to skip breakfast but I need you to eat at least one french toast okay." Stef said. Callie nodded and Stef smiled as she lead Callie back into the kitchen to join the others. Stef sat next to Callie and held her hand tight as Callie ate her breakfast. The room was eerily quiet considering there was seven of them but all of them were concentrating on their work. Finally Stef sent them all off, saying that she'd handle cleanup. She watched as Lena and the kids headed off to school a little earlier than usual, wishing them all luck and kissing each one before they left. Stef was done with the breakfast dishes and was getting her stuff ready to leave for work when her mind drifted to Callie. Both Stef and Lena had been extra cautious of Callie over the weekend - the stress had been getting to her and they wanted her to know that they were there if she needed them. They were only checking her twice a week now and had avoided the weekend to refrain from adding more stress for the girl. Though they were both starting to feel convinced that she was done with that part of her life. Ultimately it had been Jude who put a stop to it completely. Callie's therapy sessions were only happening once a week now and usually held on Mondays but this Monday they had cancelled for the exams. But Callie was still made to sit with her moms for at least an hour each night just talking. Some days they talked about insignificant things like movies or books but other days they talking about more serious things. Callie told them a few stories of her previous foster homes and she told them what she remember of her mother. She even asked them questions about their pasts and was surprised to learn just how much Stef had struggled to get to where she was. "I never realized that you had such a hard time too." Callie said softly. "I wasn't truly myself until I met mama." Stef said, looking lovingly over at her wife. "She changed my life and I can't thank her enough." "I can't imagine you with anyone but mama." Callie said, looking between her moms. "You guys just belong." "We all belong." Stef said. "Mama isn't the only one who makes me who I am - all you kids are a big part of that too." "Honey, when you look at mom do you think she's happy?" Lena asked, interrupting the conversation. Callie looking confusingly at Stef. "She seems happy." She answered, wondering if Lena thought otherwise. "She is happy." Lena confirmed. "But she wasn't always this happy. She struggled with who she was for a long time and tried to pretend that she wasn't hurting, just like you do. But she got to the point where she learned to accept who she is and more importantly, love who she is and so will you." Callie was practically staring at Stef, trying to imagine a less confidant, unhappy Stef but she couldn't. Stef had really found a place where she felt accepted for who she was and now Callie was in that same place as well. "I think I'm getting there." She said softly but smiling at her moms. "I have no doubt that you are." Stef said as she kissed Callie. Finally the last day of midterms arrived after the kids finished their final papers they headed towards the car. Stef and Lena were waiting for all of them. "How about some ice-cream?" Stef said as the kids piled into the car. "Double scoops for everyone." "Mom." Callie stopped her and Stef was sure that Callie was going to ask if she could skip the treat. "What love?" Stef asked as she started the car. "Do you think we could maybe go to Coco's Bakery for lunch first?" Callie asked sheepishly. "I'm in the mood for some chicken." Both Stef and Lena were too stunned to reply. They just stared at their daughter, eyes wide and mouths open. "You can say no if you want to." Callie grinned, knowing that her moms would never say no to that. She had been planning this all morning. They had been so supportive of her and helped her through so much and she wanted to do something for them and she figured this was something they'd really appreciate. "No." Stef said quickly. But then shook her head. "I mean, yes." They began laughing as Lena cleared it up for them. "Coco's it is." She said and drove to the restaurant. Stef gave Callie a right squeeze before letting her enter the restaurant. "Parmesan Crusted Chicken and Coconut Cream Pie." Stef ordered for her. This time Callie reached across and grabbed both her mom's hands. "Thank you." She whispered. They smiled back at her knowing that Callie wasn't just thanking them for her food. She was thanking them for knowing just what Callie liked and making sure to get it for her. She was thanking them for sticking by her and keeping each and every promise they ever made no matter how hard she made it for them. She was thanking them for taking over when she was falling apart. But most importantly she was thanking them for being her moms. Callie would always struggle with her past she was learning to accept her future. She had pushed her moms as hard as she could and tried everything she could think of to push them away but they had stayed. She had pushed until the end - only it was her end that she had reached, not theirs. They, instead, had pushed back with double the force, leaving Callie with no option but to just trust them and accept their love.