Pushed

Chapter 12

When Lena got back out from her shower Stef wasn't in the room anymore. Lena could hear the faint sounds from the TV downstairs but decided against going to join Stef. She was still too annoyed with her at the moment and the fact that Stef wasn't waiting outside for her proved that she was just as annoyed as well. Lena lay in bed reading for another hour and Stef stayed downstairs not really watching some comedy that was playing. Her mind was torn between her argument with Lena and on how Callie might be doing. She was so angry with Lena right now. What kind of parents were they if they shoved their broken daughter out the door just so they could have sex. Right now all Stef wanted to do was save Callie from whatever it was that was eating away at her. She needed to make sure that Callie was safe and happy just like the rest of her kids and until that happened Stef couldn't concentrate on anything else. Stef heard the car enter the driveway and immediately made her way to the door. She opened it and found the kids and Mike climbing out of the car and walking towards the house, all of them in a sombre mood and the tension that surrounded them was palpable. Brandon and the twins looked resigned, Jude looked like he'd been crying and the last to enter were Mike and Callie - the former holding on tightly to the latter. Callie looked like she wanted to be anywhere but here and Mike looked exhausted. All the kids headed upstairs including Callie and Stef wanted to stop her but she first wanted to know what had happened. Lena had heard the kids come in and come out of her room but the looks on their faces concerned her just as much as they had Stef. "Brandon, Mariana stay with Callie." Lena instructed as she headed downstairs to join Stef and Mike. "What the hell happened?" She heard Stef ask as she entered the living room. "She wouldn't eat." Mike answered. "Why?" Lena asked. "I don't know. She was fine while we were bowling, she was laughing and talking and then we headed over to get some pizza and hotdogs and she just refused to eat." Mike explained. "I tried to convince her but she snapped. She yelled and basically threw a fit. She tried to run off and Jesus caught her and Jude got so scared and started crying and people were staring at us. We just packed up and headed home." "Did she go anywhere by herself at all?" Stef asked, worried that Callie might have hurt herself. "No." Mike assured her. "She only tried once and Jesus was on top of her in a flash." "I'm sorry Mike." Stef said. "We shouldn't have sent her with you like that. Not when we knew she was having such a hard time." "I'm fine." Mike said. "I just didn't realize how bad things really were for her until today." "Have you guys eaten?" Lena asked. "The kids have." Mike answered. "They ate in the car. I'll get home and eat." "You sure?" Stef asked. "I can get you something." "No." Mike smiled sadly at her. "You got enough to worry about." He got up to leave and Stef walked him out. Lena stayed sitting in the kitchen, regretting her earlier outburst at Stef. Stef had been right after all, Callie wasn't ready for any of this. Stef came back into the kitchen a few minutes later, her face grim and her expression hard. "Stef..." Lena began, wanting to apologize to her for doubting her concerns. But Stef was still too annoyed with Lena. "Still thinking about sex?" She asked bitterly as she walked up the stairs to get Callie. Stef returned to the kitchen a few minutes later with a very silent, subdued Callie in tow. "Alright Callie dinnertime." Stef said in a tone that didn't leave Callie with much to argue about. "You have a choice of the pot roast, squash or a sandwich. You have thirty seconds to pick." Lena could tell that Stef was trying to stay calm. She was already upset by their argument and right now she wasn't in any mood to fight with a teenager. She decided to help. "How about I make you a nice scrambled egg with cheese?" Lena suggested standing up. "I'm not hungry." Callie said angrily. All she wanted was to just be left alone. She had had such a great evening but it was ruined by Mike. She thought she'd be able to just skip eating since neither Stef nor Lena would be there but Mike took over and insisted and she was so mad. "I really don't care." Stef said flatly. "Make a choice or I'll do it for you." "You can't force me to eat." Callie challenged. "Don't underestimate me Callie." Stef said, beginning to get annoyed. "How about just some yogurt?" Lena suggested, trying to defuse the situation. "No Lena." Stef stopped her. "She doesn't get to eat just yogurt. The deal was that she had to eat a meal. If she wants our trust then she needs to earn it and this isn't earning it." She pointed to the way Callie was behaving. Callie watched as Stef and Lena argued. At least the attention was off her for a while. "Fine, I'll have a yogurt." Callie said, knowing that it would get the mom's to argue some more. "Well that's not on the menu tonight." Stef told her flatly. "Why not?" Callie asked. "Lena said I could." She knew she was pitting one mom against the other but right now it was working in her favor because as soon as she said that Stef blew out a frustrated sigh. "Fine." She said in anger as she left the room leaving Callie alone with Lena. Lena looked at Callie and saw the smirk on her face. They had played right into her game and she seemed pretty proud of herself with the results. Lena couldn't help but feel like she had helped Callie along by contradicting Stef. Stef really was just trying to get Callie to eat a proper meal and thinking back Lena realized that she hadn't had one of those in days. The amount she had been eating was less than an toddler. Meanwhile Stef headed to her bathroom and washed her face with ice cold water before heading to check on the other kids. They had all looked so shaken up. She found them all sitting with Jude in their room. "Hey buddy." Stef said as Brandon moved over so she could take his spot. "Why does she do that?" Jude asked in a tearful voice. "Sweetheart she's having a hard time." Stef explained. "Don't worry. She will be okay. We'll make sure of it." Jude didn't look convinced but he did look tired and so did all the other kids. "Off to bed now babies." Stef said as she gave each one a kiss. "Don't worry about Callie. She'll fell better tomorrow." But things weren't much better the next day either. When Lena finally came to bed they never said a word to each other and Lena made no comment each time Stef got up to check on Callie. Every sound had Stef on high alert and as a result she had barely slept a totally of three hours all night. The following morning they were forced to do something that they were all regretting - Callie's first checkup. She had spent two nights unsupervised now and it really was long overdue. Stef brought Callie into their room. Both women, though still not quite on the same page agreed that they needed to do this as a team. Neither of them knew what they'd find and they needed to work together. "Okay Callie." Stef began as she lead Callie to their bed. "Let's just get this over with." Callie looked miserable and her eyes darted around the room for a way out but she knew this was inevitable. She decided to just get this over with - at least she had nothing to hide or lose, apart from her dignity. She quickly stripped out of her clothes until she was only in her bra and underwear. She avoided looked at either of the moms as she knew their eyes were roaming her body. "You can get dressed." Stef said after what seemed like an eternity. Stef felt such relief when all she saw marking Callie's skin were the faint scars on her wrist and thigh from where she had hurt herself earlier. She wanted to hug Callie and tell her just how proud she was of her but guessed the girl wouldn't be too happy about that while she was half naked. Callie quickly dressed and left the room not wanting to have to talk to them or even look at them. When she had agreed to do this at Sarah's office it hadn't seemed as embracing in theory as it ended up being in reality. Stef and Lena discussed Callie's progress like they were discussing the war in Iraq. "At least even with the way she's been acting she hasn't hurt herself." Lena said softly, hoping that her statement wouldn't upset Stef. Lately everything she said seemed to be doing just that. Stef nodded. She couldn't even express how relieved she felt. She hadn't admitted it, even to herself, but she had been so worried about what they would find. She was preparing herself for the worst and really got a pleasant surprise. But her concern wasn't subsided too much - now that the check was over for a couple of days they had to make sure that Callie didn't do anything. Through the day the whole family basically did their own thing. Brandon offered to help Callie study for the history quiz, which hopefully she would be able to take at the end of the week, since she had missed a lot of the chapter already. He figured that he'd keep Callie with him so that his mom's could get a break. The tension between them was obvious and no one liked it when their parents fought. "So the Aztec civilization began around the fourteenth century." Brandon began. "It covered about half of modern Mexico." He showed her a map marking the area. Callie listened as Brandon went on about the people and the culture of the Aztec civilization. Thought she wasn't really paying much attention to what he was saying she was grateful for the excuse to be away from Stef and Lena's gaze. She was still embarrassed and somewhat annoyed with their 'checkup' and the further she stayed from them the better. Meanwhile back in the girls' room Mariana was organizing her jewelry when Jude walked into the room. "Hey." Mariana smiled at him. "What's up?" "Could you help me with ideas for my solar system project?" Jude asked her as he sat down on Callie's bed. It was the closest he could get to her these days. "Sure." Mariana said smiling, glad to have something to help take his mind off his sister. "What do you have in mind?" "Well, so far we have two refrigerator boxes and we know that the fair is gonna be held in the gym." Jude explained. "And...?" Mariana waited for him to continue. "That's it." Jude answered. Mariana laughed. "Aren't you guys supposed to start work on it this evening?" She asked. "Yeah." Jude said sheepishly. "But for today we're just gonna pitch some ideas." "Well with two refrigerator boxes we can make it really big." Mariana said as her mind started to conjure up the perfect solar system model. "We'll paint the whole thing black and maybe spray splatter some glittery white across it to look like stars." Mariana said. "That sounds cool" Jude said as he wrote down her ideas. Mariana could just see the whole thing come to life so she carefully explained it to him in as much detail as she could. "I would keep the smallest side open so that it will give the dark effect that we want." She said and drew a diagram for him where the box was lying on it's side all sides but the base of the box were closed. "Then we can get some large styrofoam balls and paint them in neon colors so that they glow and for Saturn's rings we can use glow sticks." Mariana said with a smile. She was getting really excited about his project. "Wow you're good." Jude said, loving her idea. "For the moon we could use some silver paint and day-glow yellow and orange for the sun." Mariana continued. "And you can set up a cooler at the end away from the sun so that as you walk further away from the sun you get the feeling of the universe getting colder." "That's great." Jude said. He was glad that he had such a great idea to share with Conner. "Thanks." "No problem." Mariana smiled, glad to see him smiling again. "Let me know if I can help you build it when you're ready." "I will." Jude said. Mariana expected him to leave then but he just sat their looking down at his hands. "Something else?" She asked gently. "What's wrong with Callie?" He asked slowing, not looking up. He wanted the truth and he knew that neither of his mom's would give him that. Mariana thought for a minute before answering. She knew he was asking her because he wanted the truth and she really wanted to give it to him but she didn't want to scare him and she definitely didn't want her moms to be mad at her for telling him. But at the same time she knew he deserved the truth - she had seen how worried he was about her and if it were her she was sure she'd rather know. "She hurt herself." Mariana said. "Hurt herself?" Jude asked confused. The thought of someone actually inflicting pain on themselves was above his head. "She used a knife to cut herself." Mariana explained. She watched as Jude's eyes went wide as he finally understood. This was definitely not what he expected. He thought that maybe she was sick or hurt - but not that she was hurting herself. "Why?" He asked in complete shock. "I think she was hurting inside and needed a way to get it out." Mariana said, not really sure of the answer herself. "But that doesn't make any sense." Jude said. "Not to us but I guess it does to her." Mariana said. "That's why she's been sleeping in moms' room?" Jude asked and Mariana nodded. "They needed to make sure she didn't do it again." She said. "Where did she do it?" Jude asked her. "Her wrist and thigh." Mariana said. "So the bandage she had two months ago wasn't because of cooking?" Jude asked. Mariana shook her head. "She cut herself." She confirmed. "Oh." Jude said, still not fully grasping the situation but trying to make sense of it. "And she's not eating." He said. "No." Mariana said. "She's been skipping meals." Jude looked like he was about to cry so she went over to him and wrapped an arm around him. "But mom's are really trying to help her." She assured him. "They won't let anything happen to her." "Why can't she just be normal?" Jude asked miserably. It hadn't been so hard for him to adjust in this house so why couldn't she as well. "I don't know." Mariana said honestly. As she thought back to her own childhood she realized that in one way or another they had all had to deal with their insecurities. "We all had our own way of adjusting." She explained. "I never spoke to anyone besides Jesus and he would fight with everyone all the time. Remember how you stuck to Callie in the beginning? You wouldn't leave her side. Even Brandon had trouble adjusting when Stef and Mike split up. Callie is just dealing with this in her own way." "But we never hurt ourselves." Jude said. Everything the rest of them did was to protect themselves but Callie seemed to be doing the opposite. He couldn't understand that even just releasing some blood from her system helped Callie cope with her feelings. "You should really talk to moms about this." Mariana said. She wasn't sure what to tell him because she didn't know the whole truth herself nor did she know how much he could handle. "No, it's okay." Jude said. He wasn't ready to face them yet. He didn't want to find out what they really thought of Callie and whether or not they were regretting keeping her. Jude picked up his notebook and the drawing that Mariana had made for him and walked out the door. "Thanks" He said as he left and Mariana knew that it was more for her honest answers than for her help with his project.