Pushed

Chapter 5

Lena left for her doctor's appointment and was then heading to school for some meetings about the upcoming mid-terms. She was also going to talk to Callie's teachers about what was going on and get all the work that would be covered in the mid-terms so that hopefully Callie wouldn't have to miss them. Stef took Callie upstairs and sent her for a shower. She was going to allow Callie to shower and change without checking up on her at all - although she didn't tell her that. They really wanted her to be in a place where they felt they could leave her side without worrying about what she'd do. Stef sat on the bed as she heard the shower start. Callie was going to wash her hair so she knew that it would take her longer than usual. Every few minutes she felt the urge to check up on Callie but stopped herself from entering the bathroom. Finally after about fifteen minutes Callie came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel. Stef sighed with relief. Obviously Callie hadn't done anything to herself. As Callie changed Stef took another leap of faith. She allowed Callie to go watch TV while she went for a shower herself. She planned of having the quickest shower of her life but still she was willing to try. "I love you so much." She told Callie as she sent her out the door. Stef was showered and dressed in under seven minutes. She ran a brush through her hair and headed downstairs. She tried to look casual but couldn't help gliding her eyes over Callie. "I didn't do anything." Callie said, not looking away from the TV. Stef felt her heart stop for a moment, wondering if Callie would be upset. But Callie just looked up at her and smiled. "You can stop worrying so much." Stef smiled back as she took a seat next to Callie. "It's my job honey." She said. "Did you even use soap?" Callie teased. Stef smiled at her. She watched as Callie snuggled closer to her and turned her attention back to the TV. She realized that just one piece of toast had really helped lighten Callie's mood. She was smiling and joking and she looked relaxed - things they hadn't seen in almost a week. She loved this side of Callie and hoped that she would continue to make progress. They continued to watch what was left of Love Happens, laughing and commenting throughout. It was such a refreshing change and Stef hoped that it wouldn't end. Callie kept commenting on all the arrangements in the flower shop and how pretty they all looked and Stef suddenly had an idea. "Have you ever been to the San Diego Botanic Garden?" She asked her. Callie shook her head. "They have some of the most beautiful flowers there." Stef told her. "Fancy a trip?" "Today?" Callie asked. "Yeah, we can go hang out and look at the flowers. You can take some pictures. Just you and me." Stef said with a smile. Callie smiled back. "Yeah, I'd love that." For the first time Stef saw what Lena had talked about, that pure love and admiration in Callie's eyes. Stef would do just about anything to make sure that it never died out. Two hours later the two were walking though the gardens and Callie couldn't take pictures fast enough. There were so many plants all around and each one more beautiful than the last. Stef watched as Callie darted from side to side taking pictures and smiling away. She suddenly wished that Lena was here to see her. She took out her own phone and took a few pictures of Callie. She got quite a few of Callie smiling away and having a great time. Then suddenly Callie looked up and saw that Stef was taking pictures of her. She aimed her camera back at Stef and began taking pictures herself and soon the two were at war, trying to get funny pictures of each other. Stef mocked annoyance at some of the pictures Callie took but in truth she wouldn't have traded those moments for the world. For those few hours Callie seemed to have forgotten her troubles and was genuinely happy and her smile filled Stef with joy. They continued through the garden taking more pictures along the way and it was a little past lunchtime when they finally made it through to the other side. Callie was still smiling but her was getting tired and Stef could tell from her posture and the slightly pale look on her face. Stef hated to see this morning end but she knew that she had to get Callie to eat something before she got lightheaded again. She hoped that their carefree morning would make it easier for Callie to eat but she was preparing for a battle. "So would you like to go somewhere for lunch?" Stef asked casually, hoping Callie's mood would last. "Let's just go home." Callie said as her face fell slightly. Stef wished that Callie had chosen to go out. Going home meant that Callie was probably going to make a fuss, but she didn't let it show as she guided Callie back to the car and they drove home. She kept up a lighthearted conversation about the morning in an attempt to keep Callie's spirits up but she could tell that Callie was already retreating to her now usual self. As predicted, lunch was a battle. Callie refused to eat saying that she was still full from breakfast. "It wasn't even a whole toast, Callie." Stef said as she pushed Callie's plate of chicken strips in barbecue sauce and carrots in front of her for the third time.
"Well I'm still full." Callie said stubbornly. "Honey, please don't do this." Stef said. "Every meal can't be a battle. You have to eat something. I can see how weak you are." "It doesn't have to be a battle." Callie said. "Just let me be and there will be no battle." Stef sighed. She was trying to stay calm but it wasn't working anymore. "You know I can't do that." She said. "Why not?" Callie asked "because I love you." Stef answered exasperatedly. "That's your problem not mine." Callie shot back. "Why are you doing this Callie?" Stef asked. "It's been such a great day so far. Why do you want to ruin it? "I'm not ruining it." Callie snapped. "You are. You're forcing me to do something I don't want to. I"m not a baby. I'm not even yours." "Oh don't start that Callie." Stef said, her voice getting stern. "Every time something doesn't go your way you can't retreat to that." Lately whenever Callie felt backed into a corner or was forced to do something she didn't want to she would remind them that she didn't need to listen to them because she was not their daughter. At first Stef and Lena had both assured her constantly that she was theirs and that she was loved but lately they realized that Callie was using it as a weapon. They knew that she was still afraid of being taken away and they were still trying their hardest to find Robert Quinn, but they were still not going to allow Callie to live her life based on a technicality. She was theirs and they would do whatever was best for her - no matter how much she hated it. "Well it's true isn't it?" Callie asked. "Do you love Jude?" Stef asked, ignoring Callie's question. "Of course." Callie answered forcefully. "With your whole heart?" Stef continued. "Yes." Callie said, starting to get confused. "But he's only your half brother." Stef pointed out. "So?" Callie said. "So does that mean that you now love him only half as much?" Stef asked. Callie didn't answer. She finally understood where this was headed and she knew she was going to lose so she opted to remain silent instead. Stef smiled. Callie couldn't argue. "It doesn't matter how much or how little you are related to someone. If you love them then that's all that matters." She stopped for a moment as just observed Callie. She was looking down at her hands and fidgeting. "And you know that we love you yes?" She asked and waited until Callie gave her a small nod. "So then you know that this argument is pointless." Stef finished. Stef could see Callie struggling. She didn't like to lose - another thing that they had in common. She could also see that Callie was pulling farther away from her so she caught hold of the stool and pulled it right up against her own so that Callie was sitting right between her legs. She quickly wrapped her arms around her and just held her. She needed Callie to remember that even thought she was mad at her she still loved her. "You are all my babies." Stef said. "The only difference between Brandon and the rest of you is that you weren't all mine from the beginning. But that does't matter, all that matters is that you are mine now and will be for the rest of your life." Callie relaxed a little into Stef and Stef used it as an opportunity to try and get her to eat again. She picked up a strip of chicken with her fingers and handed it to Callie. "Come on baby." She said, still holding Callie. "You did so well this morning. I know you can do it again." Callie took the strip but didn't eat it. She just held onto it, looking at it like it was poison. Stef kissed the side of her head. "It's not so hard, little bites." Stef encouraged. Slowly Callie took a small bite of the chicken. It was more like a nibble, but it was a start. Stef distracted her by talking about the flowers they had seen and asked her which one was a favorite. As Callie finished one strip of chicken Stef handed her another and then a third and fourth, until finally all five pieces and the carrots were gone. It was the first decent meal that Callie had eaten in over two days. "Can I go lie down?" Callie asked. "Sure." Stef said. "I'll clean up here and be up in a minute." She watched Callie go before she picked up the plate and rinsed it out. She put a few things away wanting to give Callie a few more minutes of space and then headed upstairs. She was proud of Callie and she wanted her to know that. Stef entered her bedroom and found it empty. Callie had been sleeping there all the time for a week now so she assumed that that's where she'd be. She checked Callie's bed and found that empty too. Her heart began to race as she ran into her bathroom. She didn't see what she was imagining but instead she found Callie leaning over the toilet using her fingers to force herself to throw up.

Stef raced to her and pulled her hands down and trapped them there pulling Callie into a hug.

"Let me go." Callie struggled against Stef's hold, tears pouring down her face.

But Stef held on to her wrists firmly as she hugged her. "No baby, this is not the way." She said as her own tears fell along with Callie's.

"Please." Callie begged, she began shaking and Stef held on tighter.

"No baby, this isn't healthy." Stef tried to calm her down.

"I need to throw up." Callie said.

"Not if you need to force yourself to do it Callie." Stef said in a firm tone hoping to attract Callie's attention.

Stef tried to turn Callie around without releasing her wrists and when she finally managed to look at her daughter's face she realized that this situation was far more serious than they had originally thought. She suddenly realized that is was a new way for Callie to control herself now that they had put a stop to the cutting. Stef began to feel very afraid. What were they going to do?