The Bartender [JiKook]

XXVI

Guilt is such a strange feeling.

It's not like other feelings. You don't get it instantly, it's not because of the exact situation you're in.

Guilt is that monster you thought you'd outwitted, but that's really just waiting around the corner to devour you. And once it does, it consumes you whole, down to your very bones until nothing is left of you.

That's what I feel.

That's what I feel right now, holding Jimin tightly in my arms as he stares into my eyes so expectantly, after finally saying the words I've been longing to hear for as long as I can remember. I don't feel happy, I don't feel relieved, I feel fucking guilty. Only a few hours ago I made a stupid mistake because I seem to love jumping to conclusions like a damn rabbit.

I kissed him, for fuck's sake. I kissed Taehyung.

"Jungkook?" Jimin's sweet voice pulls me out of my thoughts, and I stare at him blankly. "Close your mouth, your jaw will fall off."

He giggles, pressing a gentle peck to my lips to make me close my mouth. I can't utter a word. I want to say it back, I want to scream it back, but the guilt is like a knife to my throat that'll slash it open the second I even dare to speak.
Jimin arches a brow, seemingly amused by my state.

"Well, since you seem so determined not to speak..." He sits up, and suddenly swings a leg above my waist before straddling me. "I'll have to make you speak, I guess."

Jimin suddenly leans down and attaches his lips to mine, kissing me deeply, running his hands down my chest. I can feel my body already responding to his touch, leaning into it and heating up, but it feels wrong. It feels too wrong.

"Jimin..." I whisper into the kiss, but he doesn't stop. He pulls away for a second before dragging his lips up my jawline, then he presses a soft kiss under my earlobe. "Jimin, please..."

He licks a stripe up my neck, and suddenly starts harshly sucking on the skin, sinking his teeth into it, and it drags a breathy moan out of my throat. I get back to my senses, and swiftly grab his shoulders to push him away.

A little too late, I realize I pushed him much more harshly than intended.

He stumbles back and almost falls off the bed. He winces, cradling his shoulder with a hint of shock on his face. I gasp, panic takes over my entire body and I freeze.

"I'm- Shit, sorry, I'm... just... not in the mood tonight." I stutter, hearing my voice crack at every words.

Jimin silently stares at me for a few seconds, still holding onto his shoulder. He holds my gaze for a bit, before looking down with a faint smile.

"You could have just said so..." He chuckles, though I can hear the sadness in his voice.

My chest hurts. It fucking hurts so much the pain is unbearable. I want to hold him, but I can't even move.
Jimin crawls up to his side of the bed without saying a word, and he slips under the blankets. He turns around, facing away from me, and pulls the blanket above his head.

"Good night, Kookie."

•••••••

After two months of never waking up to an empty space on the other side of my bed, it's strange opening my eyes to see nothing but creased pillows and blankets. I reach out to touch the mattress. There is no warmth, no cute chubby cheeks, no beautiful eyes, no messy morning hair, no wonderful lips curving into a smile as soon as his gaze meets mine.
Though the sun shines unusually bright for the season, this morning feels dull.

Jimin's smile was the brightest thing in my mornings.

I suddenly hear the sound of the shower coming from the bathroom. I quickly slip out of the bed and head towards it, smiling to myself when I find the door unlocked. We got so used to being around each other, he always forgets to lock the door, which resulted in quite the amount of accidental barging in while he was inside. At this point, I can even recall that one time when I was casually brushing my teeth while he was taking a piss next to me, and we were rating my restaurant's employees' looks.