Sixth Grade Beginnings

Chapter 2

"Oh Arnold... You have brought me along into such a bright and dazzling world! And in the midst of that light, my love radiates so that I can't see a thing. Blindly, I would follow you, my love! I bare myself naked in front of you, pure of thought, love and emotion... if only you would have me to. I would sing the song of our love to the night, to the morning, to the skies and the sea... and yet..." Helga clutched her locket to her heart as she gazed up at the large bright moon in the sky from her basement window. It had become late into the night and she grew longing for him. "And yet I let the ice build around me as some sort of fortress to the rest of the world. You beg to be let in and break it down but my hearts keepers say No! Why must I torment myself this way! Is it penance for the torment I have caused you throughout your childish life? My golden haired king; my muse; my beloved... How can I let myself let you in? Surely there is some way..."

Slowly she sunk to her knees, eyes still locked on the luminous orb. "If only you could hear this plea... Please, be the thoughtful and wise soul you are! Break me of myself and free the being within!"

Within her dreams that night followed flashbacks of her preschool years that tormented her. Kids laughing and pointing fingers. Her love being mocked like some sort of clown at a circus. Within that circus, her father; the ringmaster. He pointed them towards her and engaging the crowd, they all laughed as she lay naked in front of them all. Jeering, they threw things her way. At first, soft rotten fruit that splattered all over and around her, next harder things like rocks until she was covered in a solid foundation... the foundation of which her whole facade was built.

"You gotta come out..." She heard a familiar voice pillow into her ears "You can't stay in there forever..."

Her heart pounded. No... I must stay here, where it's safe! They can't hurt me anymore now... she sunk deeper and deeper beneath the rubble.

"Please..." It begged but she wouldn't budge. Outside she could still hear the crowd. Still see their ugly laughing faces. How silly it was for her to think she could be loved. She wasn't beautiful and perfect like her sister. She wasn't smart and skilled with various talents that would win her awards and scholarships. She was ugly and underdeveloped compared to that of her astounding sister and peers. "You're really brave and loyal..." It continued. "If you won't come out, why not let me in?" Her heart pulsated within her chest. Let you in...

"Yes. Let me in..." It sang back as some of the stones surrounding her crumbled. Light began to peer through and the crowd's voices began to die down. You want to come... in? Why would anyone want to come in? This is a fortress made up of anger and resentment. Of humility and self loathing. I must keep all this inside! She cried, if I open this barrier, then what will protect me from... from them! Helga shook from within and the crowd got louder again. She could feel more things being thrown even though they couldn't reach her and it didn't hurt anymore. "Let them see the real you!" The real... me?

"Yes, the real you... The real Helga that I know..."

The real me.

"Helga..."

The real me...

"Helga!"

"Helga, get your lazy butt out of that bed and come help with customers!" The sleeping girl suddenly awoke to the harsh loud tone of her father. "Criminy!" He yelled before she heard him stomp away from the door between them. What time is it..? She wondered as she picked up her alarm clock. 6:45 am. Rubbing her forehead, the girls head started to pound. When was it she fell asleep last night? It made her wonder if this is how Miriam felt waking up with her frequent hangovers.

Removing her bed covers, Helga swung her legs over her bed and dropped down to the floor. It was cold and only sent further signals to her head to hurt further. She walked over to the light switch by the door and turned it on. "Geez..." She moaned in frustration, still groggy and full of random memories of last night's dream. "What was that all about?" She spoke aloud, walking over to her dresser and pulling out her usual school attire. Slowly she adorned it, opened up her door and walked into the hallway leading to the beeper showroom where she knew her dad was bound to be. Standing there with his arms crossed and tapping his foot impatiently on the ground, Big Bob Pataki glared at his daughter.