Undone // hemmings

chapter two

"Y-your dad?" I stuttered, being taken aback by the statement.

"Yeah, they think he's back from wherever he was. No one actually knew where he went. The police are trying to figure out what set him off and why he did it."

"That's insane. Why can't your dad just leave you guys alone? I don't understand. It's his fault." 

"If I knew, I'd tell you, Hayds, but I don't. No one really knows."

"I hate your dad with everything in me."

"I know you do. I do too," He said, staring at the ground.

I fell silent for a while, pondering what my next thought was going to be. "Cal?" I asked.

"Yeah?" He looked up.

"What do you think life would be like if my mom was still here? If she never left us?"

"Well, I think that she would have taken wonderful care of you four, and our moms would still be best friends." He grabbed my hand, placing it in his own. "But your mom's not here anymore. Neither is mine. We can't change the past."

"Jackson is a nine year old boy without a mom. When kids ask him what his parents do as a job at school, what do you think he says? My mom left us for prostitution, and each one of my siblings have different dads. My grandparents are dead, and my older sister takes care of me, along with my sister's best friend's mom. The poor kid." 

"Hayden, Jackson doesn't even know what prostitution is, so you know that's not true." I actually laughed at what Calum had said. I'm overthinking things way too much. 

I completely changed the topic away from my mom. "Do you want to have dinner with us?"

"Of course. I haven't spent quality time with those kids in a long time."

"You and Hunt should play some FIFA, he's been dying to play!" Calum immediately sped up his walking towards the house. I ran behind him, laughing.

-

Regan sat on the kitchen counter and dangled her feet, asking, "Hayden, why did mom leave?" 

I looked at her affectionately, and said "She left nine years ago, Reg. I was too young to remember exactly why she left."  I wanted to tell Regan why she left so badly, but if she knew, she would be scarred.

"I don't remember her," she spoke. The poor girl has grown up almost her whole life without a mom. 

"I barely remember her either. I was only about 8 years old when she left. It's alright, baby, we're better off without her." I lied to my sister. We really needed our mom, especially now.

"We're doing good though, like Hunter gets good grades in school and so do I. Frankly, I think I'm smarter than Hunter, and he's 16!" 

"Yeah, Hunter's a dumbass," I said. I casually examined the kitchen area to see if Hunter and Calum had come upstairs yet, thank God they hadn't.

I walked away from Regan on the counter, and I walked over to take the pasta off of the stove.

"Regan, call Calum and Hunter up for dinner," I spoke. Regan hopped off the counter and yelled down to the boys as I continued to prepare dinner.

-

"So, Regan, hows school going?" Calum questioned while eating a mouthful of his spaghetti.

"It's good, I hate math. Multiplying is just way too confusing for me." 

Jackson spoke up, "Hey Cal, aren't you gonna ask me how school's going?"

Calum giggled. "How's school going Jack?"

"School's stupid." 

"Hey, Jack don't say stupid."

"Hayden, you say stupid all the time!" Jackson argued.

"But you're only 8." I spoke.

"Who cares. Calum's only 8 plus 1, so why does he get to say it?"

Calum looked confused. "Jackson, I'm not 9." He formed a crooked smile and laughed like any other teenager would laugh at an 8 year old's jokes.

"Yeah but you're 18. Get it? 8 plus 1?" I could tell Jackson felt very proud of himself for coming up with that.

"Jackson, that's like the stupid 2 plus 2 equals fish joke. It's not funny anymore." Regan said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Okay," I began. "Let's all just stop arguing and being mean to each other for once." Everyone got quiet, including Calum. I wonder if he felt obligated to spend these family dinners at our house.

We sat in silence for awhile, I guess everyone was really thinking deeply. I looked up from my spaghetti, and I could see Calum's eyes getting watery from across the table. This dinner table was probably the last place he wanted to be right now. 

"Hey, uh, guys? Are your rooms clean?" They all nodded no. "Could you put your plates in the sink and go clean them please?"

They all got up without a word. As soon as they were all upstairs, I walked over to Calum. I grasped his hand in mine and just stared at him. His eyes were so watery, but no tears had come out yet. "Calum, it's okay." And with those words, he leaned into my shoulder and cried.

And cried, and cried. 

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Regan peeking out from behind a wall at this. I waved her off silently, just needing to focus on Calum.

"It's all my fault, Hayd. We could have gotten away from my dad sooner." He said, between sobs. "We could have left and gone somewhere after the incident and my mom still would have been alive and well and I would have still been in school living a happy life. I fucked everything up."

"You were eight, Cal, eight. There's nothing you could have done about it then, and there's nothing you can do about it now. We'll miss your mom tremendously, all of us."

"I miss her so much, Hay." He put his head back in my shoulder and continued to sob.

I slowly moved my hand back and forth across his back, soothing him. Calum hasn't cried this much since the incident and I hated seeing my best friend like this. I hated seeing anyone cry like this, whether its Jackson when he cut his leg from skateboarding, or Calum when his mom died. I hate not being able to do anything about helping their pain, and to top it all off, I was horrible at helping people with their problems. Calum would rant to me about something and all I could say was 'sorry'. I always felt horrible about it but there was nothing I could really do about it, and it sucked.

He brought his head up from my shoulder and stared directly into my eyes. His brown eyes now red, along with the current color of his face. 

I reached my thumb up to his cheek and wiped away the falling tear. "Calum, I love you so much. Don't let this death define you. So many people fall during a death of a close family member, don't let that be you. I will always be here, and I will always love you. Just please stick around for awhile."

He sniffled. "What do you mean stick around?" 

"Don't go home. You'll only be more upset and I want you to be surrounded by people who love you. I don't want you to make any dumb decisions because people tend to lash out and get angry after the sadness stops."

Regan glided across the hardwood floor in her socks and wrapped her arms around Calum's neck. "Callie, don't be sad, I love you." She kissed his cheek. "Hayden aren't you gonna kiss Callie too?" Regan has called Calum Callie since she could talk. 

We both giggled. "Only if Callie wants a kiss from me," His eyes got wide. "A kiss on the cheek, I mean." I instantly got nervous. I've never been nervous around Calum before. I stood up from my chair, with confidence, kissed him on the cheek, and walked toward the kitchen sink with plates in my hand. "I love you alot, Callie." I said, using Regan's nickname.

"Since when are you calling me Callie?" He wiped his nose and the remaining of his tears.

"Don't worry I won't call you Callie ever again. That's Regan's thing," 

"No, you can, its cute."