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screw your regrets

The sunlight peeked through the shades of Bellamy's window. I woke up to a finger rubbing circles on my bare belly, my shirt ridden up.

I could get used to this. That was for sure.

I turned so I was curled up against Bellamy's side, my head resting on his chest. I nuzzled my face into his neck and kissed right below his earlobe. His little buddy was waking up. I could feel him against my thigh growing harder and thicker. My body was excited.

What was last night? I thought to myself over and over because as mind-blowing as the sex was, we risked our entire friendship. surely one night of sex wouldn't end everything, but a couple?

We weren't thinking about the consequences. And boy, were there many. For starters, Bellamy and my friendship would end which would make things awkward for Octavia and I let alone all of Bellamy's other friends like Murphy and Raven. And, ruining my relationship with him would mean getting on the bad side of an Arkadian police officer.

I suddenly started to think too hard, too much.

"Morning baby." I froze, unsure of what to do or say. His voice was so husky and I thought I was losing my mind.

"Hi," I replied as I rose from the bed and picked up my bra and panties from the floor. My sweater and skirt were downstairs. Shit. Aurora or Octavia could have seen it when they came home last night.

"What's wrong? You don't want to stay in my arms for a couple more minutes?" I decided to finally look at him. Beautifully disheveled hair, tired brown eyes, furrowed eyebrows, and a confused frown. Immediately, he could see the guilt and regret on my face.

"I should go home. You know, I have a lot to do with the wedding coming up," I said as I slipped on what I could.

He ran his fingers through his hair. "You've got to be kidding me?"

"What do you want me to say?" I asked. I knew what he wanted me to say, I just couldn't do it because I loved him too much to lose him. What would I do if I ever lost him? I had no clue, all I knew was that I wasn't going to risk it.

"I want you to say that you aren't coming up with an excuse to leave right now. I want you to say that you'll come back under the covers and let me hold you while I wake up," he answered anxiously.

"Bellamy, I can't lose you. I...I just can't okay? So you need to understand that we," I frantically pointed at the two of us, "won't work."

"You don't even want to try?" he asked. "And for the record, I would never cut you out of my life."

"You're just saying that," I reasoned with him. "We just can't risk it, okay?"

"So...you're telling me that you regret last night too, then?" How could I ever regret what we shared that night. It was definitely the best sex I ever had and with the best person.

".....Yes," I lied. On my head, I whimpered as I watched his face fall. He got out of the bed and rushed over to me.

"Screw you regrets. Clarke, even you know last night was special," he said, grabbing onto my shoulders so that I could look him in the eye.

"It was, but that doesn't mean I don't regret it. We are putting our friendship on the line, here, Bell," I kept pushing my concern. A part of me wanted to leave and pretend like it never happened. The other half is considering seducing him back to bed. Not that I would need to though, because he seemed pretty willing.

He nodded. "Fine."

"Fine." He gave up. That's okay. That's totally great.

"It never happened." He backed away so he could put some sweatpants on. "We're still best friends, see? Happy as can be."

"Yeah," I nodded, slightly confused. "Exactly." I turned around and pulled Bellamy's shirt off of my body. I heard his sharp intake of breath. Because he seemed to be looking, I put my bra and my panties on immediately, hoping he didn't see me naked for too long. Not that I really cared anyway.

Bellamy left the room.

Okay, so that's how he's going to play. I thought we might have had some closure, but I guess not.

He came back in the room seconds later with my sweater and skirt in his hands. "Didn't want anyone to see you," he said, handing over my clothes. I blushed, a little embarrassed. And I didn't no whether to thank him or to cry. Both options seemed pretty reasonable to me at the time.

"Thanks," I muttered quietly and threw my clothes on. "I'll call you later, okay?"

"Sounds good," he called from behind me.

I left his house without looking back.

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thank you guys for waiting! I've been experiencing writers block so my updates are going to be a little less often than usual for now.