My Imaginary You -- (I'm In Love With)

Chapter 14: Unraveled

"Strangled Candor". Ito agad ang nakita ko sa unang pahina ng aming folder. "Kapag sinuswerte ka nga naman." eksaherada kong sabi. Mabuti at kahit papaano ay nakapaghanda-handa ako. "Dark Theme or hindi, ka-career-in ko ito.", ani ko ng puno ng kumpyansa sa sarili.

Binuksan ko ang sumunod na pahina at ito ang bahagi ni Jojo, 

"As the dawn came and the light struggled to shine, here I am waiting, under the shade of our love shed. But this scenario everyday is just killing me inside. I waited and waited forever and ever. But no you showed up, not even a shadow. Not even the dust from your dirty slippers' sole. I am still believing and hoping that you'll look back. Thinking twice or even a hundred times before falling into another's arms. But the reality stroke, and it hurt me the most. That I still care for a person like you who abandoned me into this utmost pit of life. The truth, I want the truth. That truth that I've been covering from my own eyes. I want to be set free, but I am afraid to live my post for you might return one day and take me back to your arms again."

Hindi ko alam pero ang bigat ng dating sa akin. Personal na nararamdaman ba ito ni Jojo, dahil sa hayop na Red na iyon? Pinigil ko ang aking emosyon dahil meron pa aking isang dapat basahin. May kaba sa aking dibdib, pero ito na ang part ni Jacob,

                      "Shivering.                                Swaying.                                Wavering.                          Falling.  This suffocating truth that no one will ever choose to hold. This dying feeling of my endless nightmares. Her love that entangled me close to her heart. Her compassion that drowned me to her fantasy where I was locked. Caged. Imprisoned in this very thing called love. Choking me every time I see her, every time I see her smile. I want her to be out of my life, as soon as possible if this is alright. Her love. Her face. Even her shadow from afar.  I wish I could be someone whom she thought I always was. But  never was. Despising her is one thing that I must do to survive. So I am begging you don't wait anymore, because I won't be coming back. No more." 

Maikli, pero mabigat. Tumulo ang luha ko, isang bato ang ipinukpok sa buo kong pagkatao na dumurog ng husto sa puso kong luhaan. "Is this pertaining to me?" gulung-gulo ako ngaun. Kaya ba niya sinabi ang mga sinabi niya kanina? "Kaya ba sinabi niyang might be true or not?" asshole ka Jacob, iyan ang totoo. Sana hindi mo ako hinalikan if you despised me much. And who are you to criticize lahat ng sinulat ko patungkol sa iyo. I was wrong. So wrong. "Damn you! Jacob!"

"Last five minutes", paalala ng umiikot na volunteer ng SAC. "Shit!" I wasted too much time. Ipapakita ko sa iyo kung ano ang dapat. And I began to write...

"You're wrong to judge. You're wrong to love.  A person like you doesn't deserve to be loved. A strangled candor? A suffocating truth? You don't know anything silly boy, so don't you dare speak about the truth. There is only one truth. You are a coward blaming others for the suffering you are feeling. But those are misjudgment from your distorted point of view. Neither her nor the love suffocate you the most. But your excruciating ego that didn't want to accept her love. The strangled candor lies within you, not on her. Not on love. I reall..."

"Time is up", at kinuha ng lalaki ang folder mula sa aking desk. Nakakapagod. Gusto ko ng umuwi. Hindi ko pa alam kung tatagal pa ako ng ilang segundo dito. Sana mag-announce na sila ng makauwi na ako.