Collide With the Flair of Selfish Machines

IV

(Y/N)'S POV

Graduation was a success. My life, however, was not. As fast as things got better they spiraled into a relapse twice as fast. A few days ago my dad pushed me into a bunch of power saws and I had to get stitches in my back, leaving me without the boys. They never came and visited me. The only visitors I had was my mom...only to scold me about hospital bills. I started cutting with the blade I kept in my hospital room's shower. I stopped eating...again. Hospital food is shitty anyways. I'd order it and then throw it in the trash. When I went home, I started abusing my pain medication, always asking for more prescriptions. I stopped writing with the boys and rarely saw Vic again. He didn't guess anything. He thought his job was done now that I was better. I was lying to everyone and they accepted it. I finally had enough. I've been defeated. Why go on in a Hell like this? Life was just a constant recovery.

"Jesus Christ, it's as if ink grows out of your skin, Tony!" I heard Jaime complain outside my front door.

"I just like getting tattoos, shut up!" Tony yelled back.

I peered out the window and saw them heading towards my front door. I answered it before they could ring the doorbell.

"How may I be of service?" I sarcastically asked.

"Do you want to come record with us?" Vic asked, blushing.

"I...I don't really feel good, so no. I'm sorry." I tilted my head in an apology.

"No worries, baby. Feel better, I love you." He winked at me as the others started walking away in defeat.

I was holding them back anyways. I was in the way of my best friends' success, even though they were finally signed. There was no point in life anymore.

I bolted to my bathroom cabinet where my pain meds were. I opened the bottle frantically, not leaving a note. They would've helped if they gave a shit. I made it blatantly obvious I wanted to die for the past few weeks. I figured I should at least warn them of my leaving.

I tried calling them at Jaime's house four times. I guess their music is just really loud. Finally, the fifth time, Vic picked up.

"Hello?" He wondered who it was.

"Vic, it's (Y/N)." I mumbled.

"Oh hey, love, are you okay?" His voice rose a little.

"Gag me with a spoon!" I heard Mike shout from behind the phone.

"No. I just called to say goodbye." I told him.

"Baby, no. Just hold on. I'll be there!" His voice was frantic as he hung up the phone.

I downed as many pills as I could, hoping Vic wouldn't be in time. I've had enough. I sat in my bathtub, waiting for the purging.

"(Y/N)?!" I heard my door burst open and Vic's voice was breathless.

I heard him running down the hall and I slammed the shower curtain as fast as I could. I could feel something bad coming on, my vision was blurring.

"Baby, stop, what's happening?" He opened the curtain and I was becoming woozy.

"P-pills." I pointed weakly at the sink where the open bottle was.

"Shit." He said through his teeth as he dialed for emergency.

"Vic. No." I mumbled. He shook his head as he conversed with the operator. I started choking and Vic stared at me in shock as I purged in front of him.

"Promise you won't leave me." He rushed to my side as the call finished. I shook my head.

With less drugs in my system I was gaining consciousness. I furrowed my brow at the sink and started getting up to get more pills. My eyes were hungry again.

"Baby, no." He gently pushed me back down.

"Will somebody believe me?! I want to commit fucking suicide!" I cried. "Can't I just have one more to finish the job?!"

"Am I the only one who thinks you should stay alive?!" Vic cried and grabbed my shoulders hard. I shut up and became scared, visions of my father crept into mind.

"I let you down." I whimpered.

"No, no baby. I know you're being tortured." He wiped tears that escaped from my face. "I know this is my..."

"Don't say you had a part of it." I interrupted him, angry. "I'm the one who never meant to be your pain." I looked down. What have I become?

The paramedics arrived. They started tending to me and getting the drugs out of my system. I glanced at Vic between vomiting. He was gently holding my hand and rubbing it with his thumb, eyes pained. I was his nuisance. I had to be taken care of constantly. With me, he'll never make it big.

"I'm not going anywhere." He whispered.