Collide With the Flair of Selfish Machines

XVI

(Y/N)'S POV

Our kissing became heated. I was scared, but I felt ready. I had to make sure that I loved him...and that he loved me. That was without question. Maybe we were having too much fun.

"(Y/N)?" Vic moaned into my mouth.

"Yeah?" I moaned back.

"Do you want to?" He paused, staring at me angelically. 

"I mean, there's a hotel down the street." I whispered, worried about waking the guys.

"Don't threaten me with a good time." Vic smiled crookedly. "We'll stay here." He leaned in and connected to my lips. Suddenly, I didn't know where I was going to sleep that night.

Vic took the flannel he was wearing, off , and climbed over top of me. He pinned me to the couch we were laying on. I arched my back, the feeling closing in around me. I panicked and pushed him away.

"I'm sorry." He looked down, breathlessly.

"No, just continue." I leaned in fast. I needed to get this over with even though the feeling of suicide lingered on.

Vic helped me take my shirt and bra off. It wasn't a surprise to him since the farthest he'd ever gone was seeing my breasts. He massaged and toyed with my nipples. I grimaced at the slight pinching from my chest. I moved my hands down and started unbuttoning his skinny jeans. I was struggling and Vic paused to help me, unbuttoning at the speed of light. He never left my lips as he awkwardly kissed me standing up and pulling his pants to the floor. I unbuttoned mine as he sat back down. I bucked my hips up and threw my pants away. His first two digits played with the hem of my panties, making my heart race.

"Are you ready?" He wondered, pausing and breathing deep. I nodded furiously.

His fingers moved to the thigh hem of my panties and the moved down to my area, making my legs tremble. He pushed my underwear over my folds and his index finger slid down the side fold before moving over and pressing into me, adding his middle digit. I arched my back and moaned at the slight pain. Vic's fingers pumped hard and fast. Suddenly they curved and there was a stinging sensation like when you press into your belly button too hard. He was grinning through kisses. Vic slid his head past my hair and trailed kisses down my neck and stomach. I jumped at the feeling of his tongue sliding over my clit. He moved his fingers down a little and stuck his tongue in with them. I nearly lost it with his tongue and fingers all moving at once.

"I'm doing a good job." He was full of himself as he licked his fingers clean. I pulled my panties off all the way. 

"Shut up." I rolled my eyes vulnerably. Vic removed his boxers and my eyes widened at his member. 

I moved closer to him as he stayed standing. I grasped him firmly and began pumping. Vic threw his head back and sighed in pleasure. His fingers tangled into my hair and didn't push my head in, knowing it would make me stop. I licked his tip gently and puckered my lips at the new flavor. I got over it and took as much of him in as I could. Before he hit the back of my throat I pulled back up and tightened my lips around his member to swallow pre-cum. 

"Okay, you need to stop if you want me in you." Vic giggled lightly as I took him out of my mouth. I nodded gently.

I laid back with my legs slightly up. He knelt on the couch with one leg standing firmly on the ground. Vic took my legs on his shoulders and went to push up position. He lined himself up with my entrance and slid in slowly. I gripped the leather of the couch and bit my lip at the new pain. I was sure I was bleeding at this point. Vic's thrusts became faster as I got used to the pain. It turned into pleasure. I started screaming out. I was sure the guys were awake. They were being respectful enough not to come out. I moved my hands from the leather to Vic's forearms and dug into his skin. He grimaced through moans in response of my fingernails. Suddenly, he became sloppy and frantic. Then again, I felt something coming on. Before I knew it my walls clenched around him and I felt throbbing. Vic cried out and collapsed onto my shoulder as I felt him fill me up. He thrusted lightly to ride out our highs. 

"Thank you." He whispered breathlessly.

"Don't." I got up and went to the bathroom. I left him sitting there, alone and confused.

I couldn't handle it. It was too much at one time. Tears poured from my face. I grabbed my shaving razor and ripped it's blades out. I looked at my scarred wrist for a split second before diving in. Blood poured from me and into the sink. It was a sweet release from staying strong for too long. One swiped vertically and I could end it all that night. I started ripping my fingernails on my free hand and spit them on the floor. I was traumatized. The blade trembled in my palm. He was about to miss everything.

"(Y/N)?" Vic knocked on the door gently. "Are you okay?" I locked the door quickly.

"I'm sorry if I mean anything to you but I've made up my mind. I'd rather end it all tonight." I responded, voice trembling.

"No, I'm sorry!" Vic jiggled the handle. "Right now you're the only thing keeping me alive."

I paused. Thinking about it over again I put the blade on the edge of the sink and let the water clear the red away. I wrapped my wrist and opened the door. Vic was on the ground, bawling his eyes out in his underwear.

"I'm sorry, but I can't see that you truly love me." I whispered as he looked up at me.

"No, (Y/N)." He stood up and embraced me. "I love you so fucking much." 

"Vic." A lump grew in my throat. 

"Do you hear me? I love you." He squeezed me. "I want you to stay."