Living with the Dead.(twd)

'Dad.'(196)

CARL'S POV.

Yesterday was a mess. A damn mess.

I don't even know what other word to use. So many unnecessary deaths. Part of me wonders if Eugene is still alive, another part of me wants to forget that he was even taken. How could one person, just one person fuck everything up for us? There's only one of him and he's still beating our asses.

Honestly, I used to feel bad for my dad because I knew how bad he had and how responsible he feels for all the deaths, even if they're not his fault.

But now... I don't feel sorry at all. Dad stood there and watched as Madison was dragged away like a wild animal and he didn't do anything. He didn't even try to bargain with Negan, and now she's gone and something tells me that I'll never see her again, for real this time. And it hurts. It hurts bad, like having your heart trampled by bulls and scorched by a fire at the same time but somehow you survive, but it feel harder, it makes you feel old and crippled .

Dad has been gone all day, working outside to repair the mess that Negan purposely made. Spencer was buried this morning along with Olivia and the woman who died as a result of Madison's outburst. Apparently, her name was Josie. The little boy that cried next to her yesterday was there today, standing next to a man who I can only pray is his father.

Now, I'm in the kitchen trying to make lunch for Dad and Michonne for whenever they come back. Judith plays with her stuffed animals in her high chair at the table, unaware of the disaster that's constantly at our door. I suddenly hear the front door open and slam closed sharply, making Judith drop her stuffed animal. I bend down and pick it up for her, giving it back to distract her from whoever is about to unleash hell with their mood. Of course it's Dad, who else could it be?

"What's your problem?" I sigh.

Dad kicks out a chair from under the table and sits down next to Judith with a huff.

"Not now Carl." He warns.

I roll my eye as I turn back around to stir the contents on the pan on the stove.

"Where's Michonne ? I thought she said she was coming home for lunch." I say, trying to ignore the growing frustration inside me.

"I said not now." he fires back.

I slam the spoon down on the counter next to me and turn to glare at him straight in the eye.

"I don't know what the hell you and Michonne fought about, but whatever it was, she's right. Look at you, you don't even look like my dad. Your gun isn't in your holster, your collar is inside out, you still look like you haven't slept in days and Negan pushed you around like a puppet yesterday and you didn't do shit about it, you know why? Because you're Negan's little bitch now!" I shout at him.

"You cant say that you don't understand what I-"

"Don't you dare say what YOU'VE been through. We've all been through shit. Yeah I get it, people look up to you to keep them safe and you're doing a shit job but it's because your so damn afraid of him and what he will do, BUT GUESS WHAT? HE'S ALREADY DONE IT !! He killed Glenn, Abraham, Spencer, Josie, Olivia! Just because you listen to him and do what he wants you to do doesn't mean he's gonna kill any less people. Don't you think it's time to fight back ?"

"Carl....we can't. People will get hurt and he'll-"

"People are already dying Dad!!! How long until it's me? Or Judith?"

"Don't say that."

"That's reality now dad. This is a kill or be killed situation here and Madison and I have targets on our backs because Negan knows it would kill you if something happened to us and he won't hesitate. Things need to change dad."