Living with the Dead.(twd)

Twisted Dream. (123)

Madisons pov.
His body lay on the ground. Two bodies lay on the ground dead but I went to the one I care most about.

I sank to my knees infront of Luke, trying to grasp that he's not here with me anymore. I feel an unbareable weight on my heart. The weight was too much and too painful and at this stage my heart was much too fragile. I could feel the effects the weight had on my heart. At first it left a small fissure but as minutes passed and I saw his pale face it began to crack and when I saw the wound in the side of his face where somebody entered a knife it suddenly shattered. The weight had won against my heart and I could feel its victory and triumph as it settled against my chest and made my head foggy. It swarmed around my body making my whole being dead and heavy. I somehow knew that that weight was never going to go away, it would never vanish. It would always be there. I slowly slid the arrow from his neck and watched as cold blood ran from the wound. Somebody was making deep and loud heaving, sobbing noises and I want them to stop. I realise it was me. I was making those noises but when I tried to stop, I couldnt. They only got louder and more desperarte.

When I finally broke away from looking at Luke, I looked back at everyone who flusters over my fathers body. They obviously didn't get all the answers that they wanted, but I got all the answers I wanted and I dont care if that makes me selfish. I couldn't take the pain anymore. I still can't take that pain.

I look back to Luke and I see another pair of knees beside me. I look up to see Carl. I see wet glisten in his own eyes but he refuses to let them spill over and I wish I had the will power that he has. But i'm useless, i'm a mess and my brother is dead. Carl holds my hand softly in his own, but softly isn't good enough for me. I grab on tight, so tight that my knuckles go white. If he feels im about to break his hand, he doesn't say so, he only tightens his grip. I have to hold on tight because I feel like im drowning in water that is far to deep for me and the waves roll effortlessly over my head, making it impossible to breath and Carls hand is the only thing keeping me afloat. He pulls me up just far enough to the surface that I can manage to gulp in a few breaths but those few breaths are the ones that help me, that are saving me from sinking to far under.

As minutes tick by I begin to notice feet shuffling around me. More people kneeling infront of Luke and a few people rubbing me back or patting my shoulder, trying to comfort me. But I couldn't feel it really, I just felt numb. I couldn't register anything. My eyes were adjusting to the darkness around me and I find a few trails of light thrown around by torches.
I vaguely remember someone saying
"Mads, its too dark. We have to move. We have to go."
But I couldn't respond and I couldn't react. It felt as if my knees became part of the mossy ground beneath me and I couldn't move. I only look away from Luke and finally aknowledge everyone around me when Carl gently tears his hand from my own.
I look to him but instead he just picks me up so im standing, but holds onto me tightly as if i'll fall and never get up again. Most of my weight is balenced on Carl but he doesnt work up a bead of sweat trying to hold me. He just rubs my back which only sooths the smallest fraction of pain.

Rick pulls me into a hug. My face was surrounded in his coat and I could recognise his familar earthy smell. It comforted me and I expected tears to come but nothing happened. I just felt empty inside. We helps me stand straight and begin to walk away until I tear away from him.
"No we cant just leave him here. He deserves to be burried. He's my brother and i'm doing this for him." I croak.
I walk over to Luke and try to pick him up but he's too heavy. Daryl comes to help but I push his arms away.
"NO! I can do it. I can do it by myself." I yell and somebody pulls him away from me as if im crazy.
Hell, I am crazy.
I grab under his arms and pull his weight. I continue dragging him this way through the woods by myself with a few worried glances until my fingers had no feeling and my arms gave out. This time Rick tried to help.
"No! No! No! I can do it. It needs to be me. I dont want your help." I scream.
"But you need it." He whispers to me.
I carry on hauling his body. I needed to do this myself. I wanted to be the one to bring him back and burry him in a safe place so he can rest peacefully. My arms start to shake and my knees ache from pulling the extra weight, my foot slips and I fall to the ground with a 'thud'
"DAMMIT!" I scream while repeatedly punching the ground.