Living with the Dead.(twd)

Smile through the Storm (152)

MADISON'S POV.
I told Beth last night that I would answer her questions in the morning when I limped through the door. Maggie and Glenn were there waiting too and I presumed Beth told them. During the night I had the worst anxiety and things were starting to sink in.

I am actually pregnant.
There is a little person inside me.

I spent the rest of the night freaking out in my new room. I had broken sleep and tossed and turned when I did eventually fall asleep.

A knock on the door woke me up and my eyes snap open.
Glenn walks in and smiles at me apologetically.
"Sorry didn't mean to wake you."
"It's okay, I should be getting up anyways."
He places a tray of food on my counter.
"What's all this for?" I ask raising my eyebrows in suprise.
"I just want you to know that I care too. I know that you and Rick are still... dealing with things but if you need male advise, i'm here. And the breakfast is because well... you're feeding for two now, so I figured you should eat." He explains gesturing at the food. He sits beside me on the edge of the bed. I smile at him.
Glenn has to be the nicest, most understanding and least complicated person on this planet.
"I barely used to eat enough for one." I chuckle.
"Yeah that should change." He laughs back.

Suddenly I don't feel so well and my hands fly to my stomach.
"Glenn can you pass the bin over and then look away?" I gasp.
He hands over the bin but doesn't turn away until I get sick and he suddenly understands what I meant. He recoils and turns around quickly.
When i'm finished I wipe my mouth and sigh. "Sorry." I whisper.
He turns around and I place the bin on the ground away from us.
"What's going on with you? How are you dealing with this?" He asks.
"I'm just barely coping. I know everyone thinks that there's a way around this death sentence, child birth thing, but there's not. I'm gonna die. If I can accept that then so should everybody else. If Carl doesn't want this baby then it's yours. But I think I already know his answer. I've been so selfish for the past few months and I want to blame it on something else other than the truth. And the truth is I was afraid of rejection and facing the reality of having to care for another being when I can barely care for myself. I need to get my shit together." I express.
"You're pregnant Madison, you're allowed to be selfish. All you have to worry about from now on is you and the baby." He tells me.
"I don't wanna leave this world like this. I need to change. I'm not changing my attitude, thats impossible, but I need to stop getting myself into this messed up shit. I nearly died because of it. No more secrets." I say to myself but the voice in my head tells me that i'm going out to find Jenna again. That's a secret.  I Want to yell at the voice to shut it.
"Thats good. Anyways I should let you get dressed. Rick told me to tell you that Deanna wants to talk to you. She's already talked to Carl and she's talking to Beth as we speak." he informs me.

Oh shit!

"Thanks Glenn." I smile.
"You didn't happen to talk to Carl today, did you?" I ask trying to act uncaring when I was really dying to know.
"Haven't seen him all day. He won't talk to Rick either according to Michonne." He informs me.
"... okay, thanks anyways."

When he leaves I get dressed and eat the breakfast he left and pray to God that it stays down.
I sigh and grab my bow walking downstairs. I wave at Glenn and Maggie in the kitchen and then go outside to make my way to Deanna's. My muscles and bones don't feel as sore today which is a plus. I pull back the material at my collar and look at the stitching on my stab wound.

Hot damn, she got me good.

When I get to Deanna's I see Beth on her way out. She rolls her eyes at whatever happened inside and then murmurs a
"Good luck with her." in my ear.

I watch her as she walks past me towards someone. I recognise the hat. Carl and I make eye contact and he immediately looks away and walks with Beth back home.
"Ms. Smith" Deanna calls from the doorway behind me.
I sigh and turn around.
"Come on inside." She says and dissapears into her house.