Vampire Romance: My Heart has Lost Direction

Chapter 6 -- Midnight Snack

At the beginning of my enslavement, whenever I slept, I dreamed about the train wreck. It had been as if my mind was trying to piece together the memory. Then when what felt like a month went by and the auctions became a regularity, my dreams started to change to recollections from my past, and I had them more than not. It was another way for my mind to drive me crazy. It wouldn't let me get rid of the past I so desperately tried to escape. And that night, as I slept in a bed not meant for a slave, the memories were there to greet me.

"I'll be right back." I glanced over at Taylor before looking at the house littered with garbage piles in front of us. I knew the house belonging to a dealer we went to if we wanted to buy cocaine.

"Hurry up."

Taylor went in while I stayed out in the truck. I knew all he had to do was wave fifty bucks at the man inside, and he would get some product. Taylor came back out with the plastic bag hidden in his pocket, and already I could my heart rate race increase. My breathing became shallow and erratic. My body whispered to me that I wanted to feel that high again. My mind told me life was depressing without it.

I could say I wasn't addicted, but I would be lying. I tried going cold turkey once and failed miserably, but I was trying it again, and I was proud to say that I was able to stay clean for almost a month. But I was edgy as hell, my thoughts rolled into a numb or depressive stupor that was hard to shake. I had to resist it though, because I wasn't going to give in.

I don't really remember when I first tried the stuff or really any drugs, like over the counter medication and things like that. All I knew was that the first time I tried it was when I was drunk, because coke oddly made me feel sober. Since Taylor was the one who convinced me drinking was the solution to my problems, I knew he probably got me to try it, but if I ever found out that one of my dad's visitors got me addicted, I would hate myself.

At first, I started doing drugs because it brought such a sense of surrealism that I wanted to keep going back, and it always made me feel like I was living that dream life I wanted. Like most people though, I gained a tolerance to the drug, and it became something I did out of habit and addiction rather than liking it. That's why I wanted to stop. Taylor thought it was because I wanted to test if I stopped then my tolerance would go back down. Truly, I wanted to prove to myself that I could do something. That I wasn't going to become some washed up person like my dad.

He nudged the bag toward me in a silent question. I shook my head, "I told you I'm trying to quit."

He rolled his eyes at me before putting the bag down between the two of us. "How do you expect to forget today then?"

I scrunched up against the door with my knees against my stomach as I tried to get as far from the bag as possible. My hands were trembling from merely looking at it, wanting the substance even knowing it could be the last line. The whisper of death almost just as promising as the intense high.

But I was not going to betray myself. Taylor prepared himself a line and I could feel my body wanting the fix, but I kept my eyes focused outside the window. I was not free from imagining myself drag in the line of white even after he put the bag away and started up the vehicle, but at least with the passing scenery I was distracted from the thoughts of being high. Caught up in my wandering thoughts, I didn't notice that we drove for some time and that Taylor parked the truck in front of a loud raucous party.

Just like most of the parties we went to, this one was out in the middle of nowhere in some sort of barn. Taylor got out the bag of coke while I got out of the truck. I didn't want to enter the party without him, but I was afraid if I stayed in the truck he would offer again, and I wouldn't be able to refuse a second time. I knew he had to snort one more line to get to the point of bliss since he didn't have that much room to make his first line. So I waited outside the truck until he was finished.