Vampire Romance: My Heart has Lost Direction

Chapter 10 -- Visitor

The next time I woke up, I found myself on the ground again, but this time it was involuntary. Nightmares were to blame for my falling off the bed. I couldn't remember the exact details, but most of my dreams could be considered night terrors so I wasn't surprised.

I went straight to the bathroom. Showers were going to become a daily routine as long as one was available. Also part of my daily routine was keeping an eye on my figure. I was glad to see some improvement, but I was still too thin. Trudging out of the bathroom in a towel, I started to think about what outfit I was going to wear.

The variety and ability to dress myself was a change from the Slave Trades so I couldn't help but want that freedom back. It was intimidating at first since it had been so long and they weren't clothes I was used to, but while I had the chance, I was going to make my own decisions. It made me feel independent and in control of my life again.

I ended up putting on one of the ensembles that I liked. The jeans were a faded black with a couple bleach spots. The top consisted of a long sleeved black shirt with a white turtleneck vest made from the same cotton material on top. It was simple compared to the other outfits, but simple was what I wanted. I towel dried my hair, causing it to be wavy and ratty.

I left the bathroom feeling clean, but looked around my room wondering what I was going to do. I wanted to explore a little since I only saw a few select rooms, but then the book I marked up yesterday caught my eye. I didn't know what it was about Kaylyn, but he was able to get under my skin in a way that no other Amaranthine could. I never let my emotions control my actions in the slave trades – I was numb, but something about his giving me the book, unleashed something vengeful inside of me. I didn't regret it, and actually, I felt a bit of excitement run through my veins.

There was a feeling of satisfaction at the prospect of seeing the expression on his face when he saw his ruined possession. As much as I wanted to put the book where he would find it – I remembered that I signed a contract with Quinn stating that I was going to work for my room and board. Quinn wasn't in my room like yesterday, but I assumed that I should report to him first. He had given me clothes after all. Grabbing the book, I headed out of my bedroom. Walking down the dark hallway I went straight for Quinn's room and knocked on his door. There was a sound of movement behind the door followed by a faint curse.

"Quinn, it's Sam."

"Hold on, Toots!" He called just moments before he opened the door. He had three different kinds of fabric hanging off each shoulder and a few needles stuck into the pocket of his polo shirt. His disheveled hair and black smudges under his eyes made me wonder if vampires needed to sleep.

"Can we do a rain check? You can have the day off or whatever. I'm trying to get some last things finished for a show."

"Anything I can do to help?" I couldn't hide the slight desperation in my voice. Having the day off felt relieving since I could do some exploring, but at the same time, there was an unexplained tightness in my chest. The idea of not being able to keep myself busy sat heavy on my mind. Once I was done exploring, what would I do then? Would I sit and let thoughts plague my mind like they did when I sat in the pin at the Pound.

"Thanks Hun, but no, I'll call for you if I need anything. Go get food and watch some television or something." With that he closed the door grinning at me.

That tightness in my chest was still present as I stood staring at his door for a moment. Feeling memories of being in the Pound pressing in on my mind, I willed my feet to move. I didn't know why my mind was trying to suffocate me with thoughts of being alone, bored, and wrapped in my own thoughts. I was no longer in that cage, and I had freedom to move around. So I was not going to let my mind control me. It was time that I took charge, even if that meant distracting myself from my thoughts. Walking toward the stairs helped the claustrophobic feeling, and I kept my mind busy with thoughts of what I was going to do.