Swapped

Chapter 48

Khalil

My mother was screaming into the phone! “She was hit oh my God! We're on our way there!” She said and then the phone hung up. “Joy, Natasha was hit by a truck.” I said to her. She looked at me confused.

“I will be right back baby” I said darting out of the room and running toward the emergency room lobby. My mom was standing in the middle of the lobby looking completely distraught. “Ma, ma! What happen” I said grabbing both her arms. She looked at me and laid her head on my shoulder.

“She just stepped off the curb Khalil right in front of the truck. Khalil she killed herself. I’m sorry son.” I felt like someone sucker punched me. “Ah nah nah nah” I couldn’t talk I just fail to my knees.

“Khalil listen to me. This is not your fault son! Do you here me” she said shaking me? I heard her but I was numb at this point. How, why does this keep coming around to me. Why, I felt broken? The only thing I wanted was Joy. I found my way back to her room. She looked up and saw me and held her arms open. I felt like such a bitch as I crawled in the bed beside her and lay my head on her pillow and cried. Joy lay kisses all over my face.

“Baby I’m here its going to be okay.” She wrapped her arms around me and we cried together.

"I feel like such a failure. This was my chance to save her Joy and to make things right, instead she's dead! I hate myself." I buried my head in her full breast.

"Khalil listen to me. You are not God! Baby you can't fix everything that is broken. I know you wanted to help her but baby she had to want to help herself to. Khalil look at me baby," she said pulling my face up to look in my eyes. "I need you to be strong. You lost something and I understand your pain but you gained something too. We both did." She placed my hand on her belly.

"Your going to be a Daddy, baby." I smiled at the thought. Still I couldn't focus I just needed time to mourn.

"I have to make funeral arrangements. She was not speaking to her family." I said swiping the tears from my eyes.

"Khalil you have to give them the opportunity to do right by her. She is there family." I nodded she was right.

"I will call them-" I started to say but Joy cut me off saying

"No baby that is not a good idea. Maybe you should call and let Rock break the news. It will not go over the same coming from you." Joy said. Again I agreed with her. I knew right now I should be strong g for her but I felt weak to my core. I kissed her softly then I rose up. I felt like walking I just couldn't be still.

"I'm going to take a walk Joy I need to clear my head." I told her when I went to rise she grabbed my shirt.

"What you won't do is shut down on me. What you won't do is stand on that ledge again. I know your going through it Khalil but this is not the time to wallow in your self pity and it is not the time to bail." She was shaking and I knew she thought I was going to do something stupid.

"Joy I have wanted you forever I mean someone like you and what we have. I'm not going to do anything that is going to take me from you. I love you. Relax I just need some air is all." She exhaled, "I'm going to call Rock I will be back shortly." She nodded and released her grip on my shirt.  I walked out into the lobby and spotted my mom. She looked like she'd aged over night. I went and sat beside her and grabbed her hand. "This to shall pass mom." She looked over at me and smiled.

"Come on mom let me take you home." She gave me a weak nod. I helped her up and she leaned against me as I led her to the car. I told her  what Joy said about letting Rock tell Natasha's family.

When we got to my mom's I saw her into the house fixed her some tea and then sat with her long enough for her nerves to calm down. She called her girlfriends over and once I knew she was in good hands I left. I started driving and it was like I was on autopilot because before I knew it I was heading toward the interstate. I heard Joy's voice in my head saying "I need you. So I got off on the next exit and headed back to the hospital." I stopped at the gift shop and got her Roses and a stuffed pink elephant. She looked so relieved when she saw me standing in the doorway.

"I just knew you were out there driving away from me." I shook my head no although she was so right. I loved her though and in another time and place I would of jumped tonight I know I would have. Joy gave me life though she was my Queen and I could never cause her harm or pain. So I pushed my pain to the side and sat in the chair beside her. She needed her man right now and I would be right there forever holding her hand she was my second chance. If only we could all have a do over. One more chance to make the right decision.