Swapped

Chapter 20

Joy

I opened my eyes and he was sitting next to me in a chair. He grabbed my hand as our eyes met and we both began to cry. "Did you see him" I asked through my tears. He nodded at me

"Joy the nurse told me you would like me to make the arrangements for him" he said. I shook my head yes. He cleared his throat. "Joy you need to see him honey. You need to say goodbye and you need to make arrangements. You will not forgive yourself if you do not say goodbye to him" he said softly patting my hand. This was hard for him I could tell, but he didn't understand that I simply did not have the strength. Earlier that morning I had to go to the morgue and identify Marcus's body and because he had no family I had to make all the arrangements. My parents refused to see me better yet help me with arrangements.

"I had to go identify Marcus today and I... I had to-" I broke down into tears.

"Joy I no your hurting and I don't mean to be insensitive but I saw him Joy and there is something you should know" he gave me a sympathetic look.

"What is it? I asked bracing myself for the worst.

"Joy he looks like his father. Very handsome boy but Joy he does not look like me" he said. I was confused I just stared at him. I wasn't getting it when finally he said "Joy the baby looks like Marcus honey not me" As soon as his words registered I burst into tears. I through the covers off of myself and tried to get up but Rodney held me back. That's when I noticed the nurse. She had him bundled in a blanket. She passed him to me. Oh my God it was true! There was no denying that he was Marcus's. He had his whole face. "Ooooh I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry" I cried as I held the tiny body close. Marcus said he didn't remember much about his parents but he was told he couldn't have children at a very young age and he ran with it. He told me the whole story but he was obviously misinformed. I was so angry at myself because had I not have had that indiscretion we would be celebrating the birth of our miracle boy in a few months. We would have had a family. Rodney stayed with me for awhile then he left he had to go back to Winter. I was left alone with only my thoughts. I would have Marcus buried with his son and I prayed every night that they were both together in heaven even though I was raised to believe there was only hell after suicide. I lay there staring off into space for a while when i heard movement. I gasped because at first I thought I saw Summer standing in the doorway but once she moved closer I knew it had to be Lauren from the flat chest. My goodness they could pass for twins.

"I only have a few minutes so I'll get right to it. I hope you burn in hell I hope you rot. My mother has not quit crying since they told her she was gone and my father has taken to the bottle and he hasn't had a drink in nearly thirty years. And you and Rodney get to keep living after everything. Watch your back bitch because if you think your living in hell now wait until I finish with you whore!" She spat on me and walked off. I was kind of afraid after that. Summer always said that Lauren was unstable and how cruel she had been to her and now her focus was on me, great!
I did not attend Summers funeral, how could I? Everyone knew who I was. I sent an anonymous bouquet of flowers instead with a poem attached regarding our friendship. I missed Summer so much. The day I was released I went by and saw her little Winter. She had taken a turn for the worse and Rodney was beside himself. I wanted to comfort him because in truth we understood each other's pain. The stares from the staff was to much though. People were constantly staring, judging us and I just could not take it. So I went home to my big empty house and locked myself in. The day of Marcus's funeral I was surprised at the turn out. Most people came to the casket and completely ignored me. Others stopped and gave there condolences out of politeness. I ended up at the grave site alone. It was a light rain which fit my mood as they dropped his casket. My mother said she was too embarrassed to come. Too holy to even support me I could hear Summer saying in my head. As I stood there I felt an arm around my shoulders. I looked over to see Mariah of all people. "Thought you might need some moral support" she said. I just nodded I was grateful at this point for anyone that could look at me with kindness without judging. She invited me for coffee and I accepted. There was a Starbucks about a half a mile from the cometary so we went there. We set across from each other studying each other "You look like shit" Mariah said.

"So do you" I replied. We both laughed at that and then I felt guilty for that brief moment of happiness.

"What are we going to do now" Mariah said instantly getting teary eyed? I reached across the table and held her hand. She swiped at her tears saying "She died hating me. I never got a chance to say sorry for hurting her. We spoke just about every other day and I feel so alone now" she said.

"I know right. This is my entire fault I never thought it would end like this" I said.

"Sorry about your husband and son. You have lost so much" she said.

"I just hate going home. I'm alone in that house. My parents have practically disowned me" I complained.

"Sorry to hear that. This has been the craziest time hasn't it" she sighed "You know when I first met Joy she sucker punched me" she laughed.

"Why what had you done" I asked scooting closer.

"So there was this guy name Robin that we were both seeing and of course we had no clue. So she see's us coming out of a book store and she runs up and sucker punches me. Honey we tore that book store up it was a mess. He walked off and left us both looking like fools and we both ended up getting locked up for disorderly conduct" she laughed and so did I.

"She never told me that story" I said.

"Neither one of us wanted to relive that moment. They stuck us in the same holding cell which is when we found out the guy had lied to us both. So we became the best of friends and vowed never to fight over a guy again. We preferred tag teaming" She smiled.

"You mean-"

"Absolutely, We shared everything, but Rodney was off limits. I was jealous not of him of her. I just thought maybe if she would be down for it things would be like the old days but I guess she was living in the present and I was still living in the past" she said. We both set silently lost in our own thoughts. I guess they did have a "special" friendship like we did.

"I met her in the bathroom. She was drunk as a skunk she had even pooped her pants" I said frowning up my nose.

"Oh now if there was ever someone that appreciated a good drink It was Summer" she reached in her coat pocket and pulled out her flask. She poured a little something in her cup then mine. She held her cup up "To Summer rest easy baby" she said tapping my glass.

"Yes love rest easy" We both took a drink then another and another.

"I should be going. I have to get up early I offered to help Rodney make funeral arrangements for Winter" My heart ached for him.

"When I left she had taken a turn for the worse" I said.

"Yeah she passed last night. He is just tore up. His family was there though so he is not alone. I hope they will stick around because it feels awkward being there" I nodded understanding. Everyone recognized me and people are not friendly.

"I'm thinking about moving" I said.

'Where to, where would you go" Mariah asked?

"I don't know any place where people don't know me" I invited her back to my place and gave her a room so she wouldn't have to go to a hotel and two days later we both attended Winters funeral. We both got stared at like the wicked witch from the west. When we came out our tires were flat and I had whore keyed on my car. Murder and a lot of nasty other names. That was all the encouragement I needed I put the house on the market immediately and it was sold about three months later. I ended up relocating to Virginia.
I didn't know what was next for me but I was already at Rock bottom there was no place else to go but up, right?