All For One (Depression)

Part 14 - Lilo In Hosptial

Louis' eyes adjusted slowly as he opened them. Bright white lights shone above him. His eyes peered over to the side, seeing a bag on a steel machine. Two bags in fact. One was half red and the other was all clear. He got confused. He could hear strange beeping noises coming from behind him. And when he lifted his hand, a strong burn of pain shot inside him. A sword of medicine was drawn into his arm. He couldn't move. He blinked slowly before looking over to the other side, seeing Liam sitting on a small chair, reading a book. Looked like a pretty decent one too. Liam caught Louis' eye, looking right back at him.

"Hey, buddy." He said, putting down his book. Liam was very calm. When something happened, he was usually a bit off edge and scared. I guess he didn't want to upset Louis. "How ya feeling?"

"Eh, I've been better," Louis answered, barely able to speak. "Where.....where am I?"

"You're in the hospital. You're safe. It's okay."

Liam's POV>

I saw Louis look towards me and I knew. Thank the lord he was ok. I don't know what I'd do if he wasn't. Niall and Harry had been out in the waiting room for hours. I'm sure they felt as bad as I do. With Louis, who knows what could happen. But when he goes off and attempts to kill himself, things change. I knew I had to stay calm but inside, I was shaking. To know that my best bud was literally seconds away from dying really made me mad. I should have seen this coming. I wasn't there for him. I pressured him a bit as well. I guess I just don't really know how to deal with someone who goes through such traumatic events. I wish I knew the whole entire story. Like I could time travel back and see what went on in his life. What truly happened that kept Louis in the dark for so long. I just can't piece together all the right info. I need more. There has to be more to the story.
Anyway, I asked Louis how he was feeling and he didn't say too much. He didn't even notice that he was in a hospital. Crazy lad. Seeing his eyes so lost in everything made me want to cry. For a moment, I almost thought he forgot who I was, judging the look on his face. It kinda scared me. Hey, I was just relieved that he was alive. That's what was so important. Louis asked me where everyone else was and I stopped in my tracks. "Well, Eleanor and Freddie are at home. She's taking care of him. Niall and Harry are out in the waiting room. I can go get them if you'd like...."

"No, it's alright," he sighed.

I never felt so down. Seeing Louis in the state he was in, shook me. I felt frozen. And poor Louis......ugh I felt horrible. I felt like walking out of that room, sliding down the wall, onto the floor and crying. And I don't normally do that kind of thing. I'm not very emotional all the time. Well, there was that one time in Ghana, Africa. Now that was pretty upsetting.

Louis's POV>

"shoot! I think Liam's onto me." I say in my head. He's giving me that look that he gives when he knows somethings up. Well obviously he knows something isn't right. After all, I just tried to kill myself. Oh wow! Why the hell did I just mention that? Oh god, I'm a terrible person. Awful! Ahh I'm doing it again! I keep doubting myself for simply no reason at all. Why would I do that? I lay there in a hospital bed, in a hospital gown, all bruised and broken, and I keep having thoughts of hurting myself. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? I can't think straight. And poor Liam is completely worried about me. Ugh I feel like I let the whole band down. I can't keep doing this. The worst part is, I don't even know what's wrong. All I know, is that I've been feeling lonely. Even when I'm surrounded by the lads. It just doesn't make sense. I feel like no one understands me. Yeah, that's probably it. Nobody understands what I'm going through. Certainly not the lads. God I hope my son never has to go through this. I'm just driving myself wonky. What if I can't escape these feelings ever? I keep telling myself it's all an illusion but I just don't think it's that easy to part from. I'm being eaten by my own fears, I guess. Ugh this just gets worse. What am I supposed to do? And with us starting up touring again.......oh no! Touring is not gonna end well, is it? Maybe it's for the best that I......I.....call it quits for now. I need to worry about myself first. Maybe I should talk to Liam about possibly seeing if One Direction can stay on a break for a little while longer. I'm just not ready yet. It'll be too much for me to handle.
As I kept talking about One Direction, the pain in my head grew far more intense than I expected. I thought I was turning into Harry Potter when his scar started burning. The sensation was almost unbearable for me. But I didn't want to tell Liam. I just couldn't. So my mouth remained shut for a few hours. I might have pretended like I was in a coma so the boys didn't try and talk to me. Whoops! I just wanted to be alone. The only problem is, when I'm alone, I have the urge to go off and attempt something bad. What do I do? I just don't have the answers. Damn, I really wish she was here. I'm trying so hard not to cry. I miss her. She always knew what to do. It's painful that I can't even go to her for help anymore. I can never hug her again, or make her breakfast in bed like I used to. She's just.....gone.

Liam's POV>

I felt horrible. Like I was such a terrible friend. There was really nothing I could do or say that would make much of a difference. Poor Louis. I wish there was something I could do to make him feel better. My heart raced fast, as I knew Louis was honestly struggling. I just didn't know how to handle the situation. Usually, I was so good at this kind of thing. I guess I changed a little as I got older. Well, duh! Yeah I changed obviously! What was I thinking? Oh I'm losing it. I'm completely losing it.
And what am I to tell Niall and Harry? No, worse, how am I to tell Louis' family? Mostly Lottie. She would be devastated if I told her that Louis was about to kill himself and that he was placed here in the hospital. Wow! I'm full of emotions right now. But I can't let that shake me. I have to do something. I have to help Louis in any way that I can. I was sure I thought I knew what to do, but now I'm questioning my actions. I can't pressure Tommo anymore than we already have. It's just not right. Nothing seems right. Louis is at his last wits and I feel things might still get worse. I just have no clue what to even do anymore for this lad. I can't stand to see him like this. To see him all broken inside.