BARTON WTF

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"ALEX!"

"Yes, Gabby, my bestest friend in the whole wide world?"

"WHY IS THERE ICE CREAM ALL OVER THE KITCHEN?!"

"My dog. She wanted ice cream."
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This always happens. Whenever I go to the Barton residence, Alex does SOMETHING that makes me go 'wtf?', and it normally concerns her pets. One time I found her cat in a Christmas sweater.

That was more of a "How the actual f*ck did you do that without dying?"

But something incredible happened.

To be specific, NOTHING happened.
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Cora and I walked up to the Barton residence, message from the new director to Barton in my hand.

"ALEX!" I yelled, knocking on the door. Cora looked confused.

"Why'd you yell?"

"11's early for her to wake up. So I yell. It effectively wakes her up. And in 3, 2, 1-"

"Gabby, you didn't need to yell!" Alex poked her head from the window above our heads.

"How else would you have woken up?" I yelled back.

"The grape and mustache thing." Cora muttered under her breath.

"Is that Cora? DID YOU SERIOUSLY BRING CORA?!?!"

"More like the Director sent us." Cora said, just barely loud enough that Alex could hear her.

"Here, y'all can help yourselves to food and coffee." She threw her lanyard with her keys down to us. I unlocked the door, and prayed silently that I wouldn't die.
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I expected chaos. Nothing. Went to the kitchen. No ice cream all over from the dog. Cat walked in. No sweater.

"Oh my god, Alex is sick."

"How do you know?"

"It's quiet. It's only quiet on Father's Day, Mother's Day, and when she's sick. So, she's sick."

"No I'm not." Alex yawned from the doorway, still half asleep.

"See? She's fine." Cora sighed.

"What. The. Fu-"

"Steve! She's gonna say a no-no word!" I looked up. In the doorway stood Tony Stark.

"No-no word?" Cora and I asked, confused.

"Tony swore and Cap told him to watch his language. He's not living it down. Ever." Clint said, walking into the house.

"So, she's not causing chaos because there's company!" Cora said.

"Who's here?" Steve wondered aloud, looking at Cora and I.

"I'm Agent Cora Newman. This is-"

"My name is none of your business." I glared with all my might.

"C'mon Ro-"

"ALEX YOU SAY MY LAST NAME I MURDER YOU!!!!!!"

"Gabby. Chill." Cora said, terrified. Her tone of voice reflected the look on everyone else's faces.
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"Cora, what's wrong?" Nathan asked. We had recently got back to HQ.

"Don't, under any circumstances, reveal Gabby's last name."

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