Reality Over Expectation

Soul Searcher

Soul Searcher

I didn't sleep much last night, how could I? I had to process all of the events that happened in my life over the last few days, and laying there in Corey's bed gave me a lot of time to think. I hate to admit it but Corey was right about everything. I'm not 100% and now I'm even more far away than I was a couple of days ago. He was right about me needing to talk to my dads, but I should talk to Dwayne before I talk to Tony. I still can't wrap my brain around what he did! Mom and dad seemed so perfect for each other; they'd been married a solid three decades! Why, would Tony cheat on my mom? Everything about him seemed so perfect, he told me stories about him providing for his mom and 3 brothers when he was just a teen, trying to protect his brothers from becoming like his dad, drug addicts and a thousand miles away from home. My dad rose from the slums of Riviera Beach, and did what no one thought he could, started a successful chain of restaurants. And in order to fill his wife's wishes of having children, because mom was infertile, they adopted me. He and my mom raised me, and no matter how much I love the fact that Dwayne Johnson is my biological father, Tony didn't abandon me, well at least not as a child. I sat up in the bed, to see Corey with a cup in his hand.

"Hey princess" Corey said with a smile, "I brought you some tea, I hope it makes you feel better."

"Thanks." I said with a faint smile, and took the tea from Corey.

"Wanna talk about it?" He said, while sitting on the bed and brushing the hair out of my face.

"You were right." I said quietly.

"I know, but right now I need to let you vent, so let it out."

I sighed to try and calm myself down, but the anger started to rise up inside me. "I don't freaking understand! Do the men in my life hate me? My biological father gave me up for adoption because he rather play football then raise me! And my adoptive father, after being married for 30 years decides to go on cheat on my mom with some whore almost 30 years younger than him? Does he not even realize what he is doing? I trusted him with everything, I told him everything and he goes and does this to me and my mom! But he wants to be a damned hypocrite and disapprove of CJ after hearing the story, but he's off doing the same damn thing!" The pain came back again, and I started to cry again. Corey embraced me, and kissed me on the forehead. He started to rock me from side to side, he stopped when I looked up into his eyes.

"Corey, will you be there for me?" I asked.

"I will do anything to be by your side."

"Always?"

He shrugged, "Sometimes you'll need a little space, but I'll be there afterward."

"Corey-- Do you love me?"

Corey then looked down at me and released me from his arms. "Listen princess, I haven't loved in awhile. Don't get me wrong, you're an amazing woman, but I don't know if I can."

The pain was fading, but because it was being replaced by anger.

"Please don't get mad princess. Its just that, well-- We have only been together for awhile, yeah I know I did drive 4 hours just to see you, but it was to protect you. I'm not gonna be your boyfriend or anything, but I will always be your guardian. Besides, I got broken a long time ago by a girl that wasn't 100% and I can't make the same mistake with you." Corey said trying to caress my face, I swatted his hand away. I pushed myself out of his arms, and got up from the bed.

"There you go proving my point." I said angrily.

"Please don't start."

"No, Corey. I open up myself to you, drunk and sober, and all I ask is for a little love after this dark time in my life and you give me NOTHING! You give me EXCUSES!" I was yelling at this point.

"I'm not making up an excuse for anything. I can't love you right now Bianca! I will love you later."

"What is later? Huh? Anything can happen that can make "later" really complicated." I was pacing back and forth, trying to do anything to soothe my anger.

"Damn it, Bianca! I may not love you, right now, but I obviously care a lot more about you than the other guys in your life!" I stopped in my tracks and looked down at the ground, because what he said was true. "Bianca, listen. I know, in my soul that we will be together. But we are still relatively young and have a career ahead of us. I want to be free, that's the nicest, most polite way I can say it to you. Trust me, you are great, amazing, maybe even perfect. But I can't make a commitment right now, I tried to a while back and it horribly failed and I don't want that to happen to us because we have so much, alright?"

I nodded my head. "I understand." I grabbed my phone from the nightstand. "See you around, Corey." I then darted through the door. I walked down the long hotel corridor, making my way to my room. I approached the door and just when I was about to open it, I broke down. I felt so much sorrow in my heart. No man loved me, because if they did, they wouldn't have done all this stuff. Dwayne didn't want me, Tony wanted to get rid of me, CJ wanted to hurt me, and now Corey wanted nothing to do with me. The first two I could cope with, the third one didn't really bother me, but the last one did. My soul hurt, hearing what Corey said. Its all true, but not being able to be with the person you know is your soul mate, hurts. I spent about 10 minutes on the ground in front of my hotel room crying, but then my phone started to ring. I took it out my pocket to see who it was, and it instantly made me smile.