confessions to jake

chapter four

~29th May~

Dear Jake,

Today we have drama rehersal for this competition tomorrow and something inside me makes me feel like it's my last chance at life. Not the competition, just arts in general, it's the only thing I've ever loved and that's made me feel alive ever since I was little. There's just something about being someone else, acting like them and thinking like them and you're basically choosing life and as someone who completely rejects it, choosing life is a huge deal and I better not screw this up. If I don't have this I'm back to being completely numb even though I still am. I'm alive but then again, not like a ghost with a beating heart and theathre gives you an oppurtunity to be someone who's alive, who's human. I feel like I'm just rambling on and about again as technically I'm just about the furthest thing from dead, completely alive however I seem to not feel alive, just breathing. I bet you'd understand. What a shame you're the ghost I long to be.