confessions to jake

chapter sixteen

~9th July~

Dear Jake,

Today our tour guide told us about his tattoo of a mermaid on his left arm and his experience whilst getting it, he said he was in so much pain he was begging the tattoo artist to make it stop and in his own words "I think I preferred ending the pain to seeing the end result." Although everyone found it quite funny he'll never know how much what he said truly affected me because that's exactly what I do on a daily basis, I'm probably over-dramatising this as always, I mean the guy was getting a fucking tattoo a needle going through your skin oughta hurt but the thing that's so relatable to me is that I try ending the pain right away when I could be living my life waiting to see what the ending brings but the thing is, more than anything I want to fast forward my suffering. I've realized that it's not my life that I want to end, it's all this pain. What even is the point of all this? Why don't we just plant a shitload of atom bombs and let everyone "rest in peace" as they call it.