confessions to jake

chapter ten

~5th June~

Dear Jake,

Do you think I'm a pathetic loser? I know you do, that's what everyone else seems to think and why you left right? Everyone calls me that, even one of my best friends and it annoys the living hell out of me I mean why would you say that? I'm bullied a lot at school and constantly told to kill myself in a very detailed and visual way and not to mention, starve myself and purge..etc. I've literally been advised anorexia as if it's a diet or something! It's a mental illness and the least people could do is try to help out the people who suffer from it or at the very least take it seriously? Anyway, when I'm told to commit suicide because appearantly that's what everyone wants me to do I basically have two options either stand up for myself against the bully or stay quiet and not do anything until later in the night when I start crying like a moron and hurt myself just because some idiot convinced me that's what I should be doing. Normally, I actually have one choice because standing up to a bully takes more courage than you can imagine and to be frank, more than I have so the one time I stand up to my bully I'd like my friend to not make me feel like crap about it, but no! My friend had to call me a pathetic loser and when I start to cry she suddenly cares. Everyone in my school are manipulative monsters and I hate every single one, why would my bully tell me to stop hurting myself when he saw my scars and then five minutes later he just continues to be a dick as if nothing ever happened! Jake, please please come back I know I'm a pathetic loser who doesn't deserve to live but please I need you, more than you know..