confessions to jake

chapter nineteen

~11th July~

Dear Jake,

Well, today I tried drugs for the first time, it's very ironic considering you fucking hated them but at this point it was the only thing that made the pain go away though I'm not trying it again, I felt guilty enough doing it once knowing you'd be dissapointed in me once again. The worst part is that I forgot about it for a while, even if it was nothing but a slip second I simply forgot. Forgot that you would have hated what I'm doing right now, forgot that I haven't been anything but a dissapointment to you ever since you left and I don't feel like I can handle all of this much longer. All I ever wanted to do was continue your legacy as you would've wanted me to but once again I have failed.

{A/N: In this chapter I'm most certainly not glorifying drugs actually I fucking hate them and advise absolutely no one to do it for the obvious reasons and I don't feel too strongly about the last couple chapters tbh just like this one. The reason I took on writing a chapter about usage of drugs is because it is a way some people deal with pain whether you like it or not. The main character is confused as to what they want to do in life and slowly tries to let go of Jake knowing he's not there anymore but also is attached to him strongly}