My Artwork and Shit #2 (Cringe Warning)

oh yay

lmao wattpad deleted this entire chapter and i completely forgot what i wrote in it oops

im pretty sure it just me complaining about the drawing i was doing that was sucking my soul out but idk

speaking of which

heres the drawing

this is the same character as thIS

iMPROVEMENT

gettin that out of the way

i had a rough night last night

so i was trying to fall asleep but i wound up thinking too much about how im not good enough for chloe and she'll likely find someone better than me and how much i love her n stuff so i started crying

then i got up, stuffed my face with random food i found, took a sleeping pill and fell asleep on the couch watching the great british bake off at 1 am

i really wanted to talk to someone but i didnt know who the hell to talk to

it was like midnight thirty and i mean

mother is probably talking to her boyfriend, trinity is probably sleeping, i cant talk to chloe about it, plus betcha and julia have both been single pringles for like eternity so idk

i thought about talking to some old friends from california but they're in different time zones so for them its even later

theres a lot more to it but im like pretty sure chloe reads this so hi i dont really wanna go into it

one time in language arts i was about to have a mental breakdown from exhaustion and i started crying a little so i closed my eyes and thought about chloe before realizing she was in the same class so i just looked at the back of her head until i felt better

wattpad needs to stop bein a hoe and freaking out and blocking me and shit like could you nOt

its my dads birthday today and he asked if we could go out for dinner tonight and i was like "sure where" and he said texas roadhouse and im gonna cry

boi 

texAS ROADHOUSE IS A STEAKHOUSE AND IM A VEGETARIAN HOW COULD YOU-

did i tell you guys once i had a bad dream that we went to texas roadhouse and ordered a blooming onion bc yum but it was actually chicken and i ate it bc i didnt know and i felt really bad

update after dinner: i felt like everyone was judging me because who the fuck goes to a steakhouse and orders a salad

next day:

boy oh boy do i just heckin loVE when my dad guilts us about not leaving our rooms and accuses us of not loving him because we forgot his birthday its just heckin gREAt

i told him "yo dad you do realize when i was told it was your birthday yesterday i literally had just woken up i didnt like ignore you when you came home i was fast asleep"

"yEAH BUT DID YOU KNOW IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY NO YOU DIDNT"

like jfc i forgot my own birthday what do you want

he also said "all i wanted was a happy birthday from you guys-" which you got btw it was just after i woke up ffs- "like doesnt it make you feel good when i say happy birthday to you??"

nO father it doesnt actually i wish we didnt fucking celebrate birthdays because a. things like this wouldnt happen where just bc its your birthday you feel fucking entitled to guilt trip us for not leaving our rooms and b. i hate my birthday with a damn passion its literally the worst day of the year for me ok i dont care how much we celebrate and shit its just another damn day no one cares about so why should i care about it 

i find it dumb that he assumes we just dont care about him because we forgot another trivial day of the year

and he also guilted me because i didnt want to watch a movie with him today but agAIN

its not his birthday anymore so why should i feel obligated to when i could be getting work done

sounds mean but the day after my birthday was just a normal day again nothing special so tf why cant we do the same with yours??

i literally went to a steakhouse even though i dont eat meat and stood around loitering as he watched the football game in the front before we left while i was bleeding my guts out with no pad or anything sO shut iT

plus he went out to play poker after we ate cake n stuff on my birthday i dont??? get??? the difference??

"all you guys do is stay in your rooms i rarely see you guys i only have you once a week"

bro we've always been hermits just because you fucked up your relationship choices doesnt mean we're gonna change our lifestyles 

so we're having this talk (in which my brother is super pissed and would rather beat my dad with a stick than have this conversation) like "whats the difference between when your mom is and here and when im here??"

i told him "you guilt us about us never leaving our rooms and she doesnt"

theres other things too but my brother got too angry and left

like

we have seriously never fought with mom honestly never its always been you

or

doesnt say things like "i told you to do the dishes and they're still not done" and while i start doing the dishes you say "oh so now you're doing the dishes" liKE THE FUCK DO YOU WANT??

on the bright side yO DUDE MY FAVORITE ASMR YOUTUBER JUST NOTICED ME NOICE

she uploaded right after my dad left the house bc hes bein a little brat and i commented thanking her for the timing and how i needed to relax and it was perfect aND SHE REPLIED AND I LOVE HER

also before you snort like "omg emerson you watch asmr what a weirdo" shut up 

asmr is really relaxing and helps me sleep since i have a very loud mind at night

top reccomendations are gentle whispering asmr, gibi asmr, tingting asmr, fredsvoice, and goodnight moon asmr

mostly gentle whispring and goodnight moon they're my favorites and gentle whispering is the one who replied to me ahh 

update: my dad came home like three hours later and apologized like yeah bitch you better be sorry