My Artwork and Shit #2 (Cringe Warning)

be careful chirren thats a lot of sodium

well i woke up depressed again thats fun

good thing i sorta anticipated this and hid some food in my bedside drawer so i dont have to get up

i also got water and everything man

update: its after school and im supposed to be doing homework but instead im just listening to blackpink and thinking about death

my motivation be zAPPED

eeeeeeek

im tireD

this marketing project looks hard mate i just wanna go to bed

im kidding the marketing project is literally just make a thirty second long video composed of pictures and text

but idk what topic to do so-

also i entirely fucked up my biology experiment and didnt realize til now when im at home and cant change anything or redo it :)))

literally everyone: your mental health comes first!! take a break, its okay if that thing doesnt get finished, get some sleep and start again :)

my depressed ass: wait what if i never have any motivation and waste all my time sleeping and watching kpop videos

i think im starting to reach that next level of depression where you dont just wanna die now but you also panic about having a future bc your lack of motivation and constant self-deprecation could get in the way of having a career or going through college wow this is great

im googling the benefits of crying since thats what ive been doing for the past 20 minutes and i think this only applies to people who arent depressed

like crying isnt relieving my stress or making me feel better im just crying, feeling not like self imploding for like two seconds, and then crying again

ya know how i said my friend has been checking up on me and all and taking care of me??

yeah thats still true but i also feel guilty checking in and saying something negative i just want people to be proud of me because i cant be proud of myself

i remember once freaking out once a while ago bc i was a happy person but i heard all these stories of people who developed mental illnesses and eating disorders even though they were happy when they were young and i thought "fuck im happy what if i end up with a mental illness???"

well-

next day:

sup hoes i went to bed at 10:30 and didnt do my homework bc i realized:

"hey i get to school like an hour early so i can just do my biology homework at school"

then i realized

"hey i have first lunch one wednesdays which means i dont have marketing 1 til after anD i dont have any friends to distract me so yeet"

10:30 doesnt seem like a late time to go to bed but i wake up at 5 am so-

i also woke up and my first was "goddamnit" bc i woke up

highkey sick of waking up and thinking "damnit why didnt i die in my sleep"

wow i love being almost physically unable to get outta bed i just wanna go back to sleEP

people out here like "you tell family and friends about physical illnesses and problems so why not mental ones??"

like because hoe i dont even tell my family about my physical issues

theres this one problem i have (unrelated to the ER incident but im not gonna specify this one either) that ive had for a good four or five years now??? and i still havent told my parents lol

ive had that ringworm thing for about a year and still havent told my parents about it

i mean my dad figured it out bUT STILL HASNT TAKEN ME TO THE DOCTOR OR I THINK REMEMBERED THAT I HAVE IT

its not his fault but i only tell people about my physical problems once they notice them eek-

also people at my school keep saying stuff like "dont do alcohol or drugs" and i just feel awkward like "shit m8 ive been told that all my life and i still drink lol"

hey so im at school now and im tired and sad but at least im not crying like i have been all morning and night

sleep deprivation and depression why you gotta tag team me like this

next day:

wow woke up tired but not like drained so thats cool

i went to bed at 8 pm and im still tired wh y

update: after school now eek

tired still

in the mood for phil lester to strangle me ya know the usual

seriously tho its been four months and i still dont believe that he actually said "fuck" in a video

she emo

next next day:

fuckin yoonmin stans gettin fed so well meanwhile im a jihope stan and havent eaten since 2014

I JUST READ A BALDI X READER FIC AND I WANT DEATH

so there was this bts reader insert and the first chapter was intro: him and the final chapter was outro: her anD I SNAPPED LIKE THEY DID THAT I CANT FUCKING HANDLE THIS GUYS

bitch im writing fanfic and i actually got so sad from what i wrote that i started crying and had to take a break from writing it for a sec

i really need to go to bed soon its 11 pm which doesnt seem that late especially for a saturday night but im tryna get my shit together and flix my sleep schedule

next day:

hEY HERES ART

its leslielu marie again wowza i love her so much-