Diary of a College Senior

Jan 15 - Sleeplessness

Monday, January 15, 2018

Okay. So it's 1:30 am and I can't sleep. I've got to wake up at 6 am tomorrow so I'm gonna be so screwed for that, considering I have 9 hours of school plus two hours on the bus and one hour of tutor work to get through.

But everything aside, since I don't have anyone else to talk to, I might as well talk to the diary. A famous person (whom I can't seem to remember right now) once said that paper is more patient than people, so I guess right now, my phone is my forever-so-patient best friend.

I don't know why but I have been feeling so anti-social lately. I see facebook messages come in and I don't bother to reply to them until like ten hours later. Addie invited a bunch of people last week out to ski and I just flat out told her I didn't want to go because I am tired of large groups of people. (She told me, half-jokingly, to stop being anti-social as a result).

I had to dig through my little box of childhood pictures today to add to my Childhood map. As I examined those photos, I started thinking about how happy of a childhood I had and how happy I felt all the time. Everything changed when we moved to Alberta it seems. The move, coincided with my rebellious teenage years, made my life feel like a living hell.

I tried my best to erase those years from memory but they are still quite recent that it's hard to forget. No wonder I have always felt a strong urge to go far away.

I don't know what favour I am doing for myself by bringing the past up. Dr. B always said it's important to examine these very things but I already forgot her reasoning behind it.

I don't know. Maybe I need more professional help. I honestly don't know what else to do on sleepless nights like this but to contemplate life.