Diary of a College Senior

Feb 15 - Heart-to-Heart

Thursday, February 14, 2018

Lately, I have been feeling a lot of changes, most of it internal.

I can feel that I am not so jaded and idealistic anymore. Perhaps watching the movie Coco gave me some more ideas about the things that truly matter in life - family, friends, and love. It's hard to choose between these things and striking out on your own in a hip city like Toronto. I want to watch my sister grow up and be there for Oreo when he gets old.

       

I think subconsciously, when I was first deciding on whether to go to the east coast for university or not, I chose my family and Oreo (who was just a puppy at that time) over my own 'dreams'. But everything turned out okay despite me having serious doubts about this decision all throughout my university years.

Perhaps deep down, I know it'll really be difficult for me to leave home, especially permanently or for extended periods of time. I often think about dad and his boarding school days when he had to leave his home. At that time, the boarding school was his only way out of poverty, and he had no choice but to leave knowing that a better life lies ahead. And now he is the wealthiest out of all his siblings but the downside to that is I had to grow up far away from my grandparents.

Fast forward to now, I have such a nice life compared to when dad was younger. Perhaps going away isn't the solution to all my problems. I have all the resources I need at my doorstep to make something out of my life.

Life-wise, I've also grown enough to know more about myself. I realized I am quite a private person, and quitting social media like Instagram has been the best decision I've made. I value intimate, one-to-one connections over superficial ones crafted for the sake of show. And if I can help it, I'd rather live my life offline (and semi-anonymously online).