A LOST LOVE FOUND • alec lightwood [COMPLETED]

CHAPTER EIGHT

I don't leave a/n at the top of a chapter, but this is a warning: grab some tissues.

***

It’s been two weeks since my emotions came back on and Alec has woken up. By now, Alec is fully healed and back to normal. Me and him, however, not so much. When we came back, he kept asking me why Jonathan so much and I told him because it was the Demonic Morgenstern who sent the Rogue pack after us. And it wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the truth either. Thing was, Alec knew that too. He’s not stupid and he knows me better than Jace and Izzie combined.

I know I owe him an explanation, but everything I think about it I get angry. Angry at Jonathan, angry at Valentine but mostly at myself. That I didn’t do more to escape. I’m also afraid that Alec is going to hate me once I tell him the truth and there is nothing that scares me more than Alec hating me. So, I kept quiet and my husband is not happy with me.

Which brings us to now.

“Just tell him, Sammy.” My brother said in a whiney voice. “I’m tired of looking into my parabatai’s mopey face because his wife won’t tell him what is going on with her. Besides, nothing can make Alec hate you.” He had a point, but he couldn’t know for sure. There was always the possibility that he could.

“I can’t, Jace, I’m afraid that he’ll hate me.” I told him, standing up from his bed to pace up and down the room. My brother sighed and then asked me two questions that made my blood run colder than the North Pole.

“What if this breaks the two of you and Alec leaves you? So ask yourself this, what idea frightens you most: Alec possibly hating you or Alec leaving you?”

***

Remember how I said that nothing scares me more than Alec hating me? Well, lets just I found something that scares me more. Alec leaving me. Those words have been echoing around in my head ever since Jace spoke then. So, I’ve decided to put on my big girl panties and finally tell my husband the secret that is slowly tearing us apart.

But saying you’re gonna do something and actually doing something, is two very different things. But each time I want to chicken out, a picture of Alec and Lydia Branwell enters my mind and it gives me the confidence to move forward. Currently I was standing outside Alec and I’s room, wanting to go inside. I knew he was in there. I looked for him everywhere in the Institute but couldn’t find him and the guards who watches the elevators told me that he didn’t leave. That leaves our bedroom.

After getting another image of Alec and Lydia in my head, I opened the door. A soft smile lit my face when I saw my husband’s sleeping figure laying on our bed. I closed the door and made my way to my side of the bed when his voice startled me.

“I’m not asleep, you don’t have to move so quietly.”

“Angel!” I exclaimed as I jumped. Alec rolled around to face me and a laugh slipped through his lips. I smiled, mesmerized by the sound. I sat down by the foot of the bed and Alec sat up and leaned against the head rest. “Can we talk?” I asked softly, looking down and fiddling with my fingers out of nervousness.

“Yeah.” I didn’t have to look up to know that Alec was nodding his head.

“But first you have to promise me that you will not hate me or leave me after I tell you?” I finally look up to see my husband looking at me with a stunned looked. I probably sounded insane to him, but I couldn’t help it. The fear of losing him has settled deep into my bones.

I felt the bed move as he made his way to me, “Look at me.” He commanded softly, taking my hands in his own. “Look at me, Samara.” Finally, I looked up and saw nothing but love and devotion shining in his eyes. “I will never, ever, hate you or leave you. You are the love of my life and we are going to grow old together, and make fun of Jace and Izzie for the rest of our lives. But if you need me to promise, then fine, I promise that I will never hate you or leave you. I love you, Samara Lightwood.”

Feeling like a some of the weight has been lifted from my heart, I moved away from him again, needing to gather my thoughts. He just sat in front of me, waiting patiently. I sucked in a sharp breath of air, trying to swallow the rocks in my throat memories flashed in front of my eyes. Eventually, after breathing in a few more times, I choked out brokenly, “I was pregnant.”

The dams broke and I started crying. Raw sobs escaped from my throat, racking through my entire body. Tears fell down my cheeks like a never ending stream. I was picked up and wrapped up in an warm and familiar embrace. Alec. I fisted his t-shirt in my hands, needing something to hold on to so that I don’t lose all sense of being.

After lots of crying and calming down, I got of my husband’s lap and went into our en-suite to get some toilet paper to blow my nose. Walking back into our room, I noticed tear streaks on Alec’s cheeks. I quickly walked back to him and when I was in reach, he stood up and wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug.

We just held on to one another, eventually he spoke, “What happened? You don’t have to tell me.” His assurance made me smile into his chest.

“No, I want to tell you.” I sighed and unwrapped myself from him, “I found out the day I was kidnapped. I wanted to tell you that evening,” I sighed again. “But I never got the chance. It was three days after they captured me when they found out. They got the warlock to speed up my pregnancy and within two days, I was nine months pregnant. The warlock helped me give birth. When I saw her, Alec…” I trailed off, trying to swallow the rock came back and was once again stuck in my throat. “I swear she was the most prefect little thing I’ve ever seen. My blue eyes and your dark hair.” My voice broke and quiet tears fell down my cheeks.

Alec stepped forward, but I stepped away from him, needing to finish this. I saw the understanding in his eyes, “Then…” This was the hardest part. “Then Jonathan came, and he…he took her and he snapped her neck with his hands.” I forced the words out as quick as I could. Alec’s expression was nothing what I expected. But what I saw, hurt me so bad that I wished I kept quiet for longer but I knew in my heart that I wouldn’t change it even if I could. Heartbreaking pain was showing in his eyes, over is face and in his body language.

This time it was me who walked forward to comfort my other half. My heart was aching, more than ever before. I wrapped my arms around his tall and muscular frame and his body started shaking as he cried into my neck and held onto me for dear life. My own tears started falling down my cheeks once again but all of the weight that was crushing my heart disappeared.

My biggest and darkest secret was out, and a certain sense of peace fell over me as I realized that I’m not hurting alone anymore. I never wanted Alec to hurt like I did, but somehow it felt as if now we are both carrying the weight of the hurt and somehow, that doesn’t make it hurt so bad. Even when it hurts like hell. It doesn’t make sense, but at the same time it does.

“He’ll pay. He will pay for what he did.” Alec told me after he’s stopped crying, his eyes bloodshot and puffy and I’m a hundred percent sure that I mirrored him. We untangled ourselves from each other and I saw determination and hatred burning in his eyes, but not for me. For that monster. For Jonathan.

“Together, for our baby. For her.” I agreed, taking his hand and lacing our fingers. I stood up on my toes and kissed him deeply for a world rocking, toe curling kiss. When we pulled apart, my head layed on Alec’s chest and my mind started functioning again, a though hit me hard. “We didn’t even get a chance to name her.” I whispered.

“What about Angelica?” My husband suggested, softly. “She would have been our angel and now she’s a real one, watching down on us and keeping watch.” I choked back a sob as I moved to look up at Alec. Both of our eyes where glistening with tears.

“Sounds perfect.” I answered in the same tone before yawning. Crying drains me of energy every time I do it. It’s been an emotional day and all I want now is to forget for a while by sleeping.

As if reading my mind, Alec said, “Let’s get some sleep.” I nodded in agreement and followed without protest when he tugged me to the bed. Quickly, I fell into a deep dreamless sleep, finally being able to fully relax around my husband for the first time in the four months that I’ve remembered who I am.

***

Dear the angel, this was the hardest thing I've ever had to write. I cried and my heart broke with salec.

-Mixie