Broken: a Sequel

Chapter 18: Murdoc's POV

    I missed Stu. I loved him. I still love him. He's the only thing that had made me feel real happiness in my whole life. I mean, the band is great. The fans are great. But having thousands of fans cheering me on didn't make me feel less lonely when I went to bed at night.
    I sat in my bed at the hotel I'd crashed at until I found a place to live. You never realize how shitty being alone is until you watch daytime television. I didn't care about the dramatic soap operas or the news.
    I cared about Stuart. I laid down and lit a cigarette, hating my life. I got up and opened the window, staring out at the grey sky. They just didn't make me happy anymore. Nothing did. I couldn't be with Stuart, though. I only hurt him. I'm sure he's got someone else now anyway. Someone taller and smarter and more handsome. Someone sweet and kind and younger. Not an old piece of shit like me. Tears began to form in my eyes.
    This was so odd. I never used to cry. Thinking about that letter didn't help, either. I knew Stu didn't write it. Well, he wrote it but Paula told him what to say. But the horrible words and seeing them in Stu's handwriting was just devastating.
    I flicked my cigarette out the window and shut it. I should've probably eaten. It's been a few days. I looked at myself in the mirror and I looked worse than usual. I scared myself. I was emaciated and sickly looking. I needed a drink. I decided to head out to a bar.
    As I pulled up in the parking lot, I thought I saw Stu. I had to be imagining things. You know how when you miss someone, you think you might see them in public but it's not them? It was kinda like that. Except, this was Stu. Walking to an unfamiliar car with a man's arm around him. I hopped out of the car quickly and rushed over to them.
    "Who the fuck are you?" I yelled as I push the man away from Stuart.
    "Oh my god!" I heard Stuart gasp weakly. He covered his mouth and back away.
    "I'm Jude. Who are you?" He asked, walking up to me, intimidatingly.
    "You don't need to know my name. But Stuart is my boyfriend and if I ever see you come near him again-" I began to yell as I pulled a knife out of my back pocket and opened it towards Jude.
    "STOP!" Stuart yelled. He got inbetween Jude and I.
    "But Stuart I-" I began.
    "You are the one who left me, Murdoc. Not the other way around. I'm not yours anymore. You can't just attack anyone that wants to come near me.  Goodbye, Murdoc," Stuart grabbed ahold of Jude's arm and they sped away in his car. I fell to my knees, defeated. I couldn't believe what had just happened. I stood up again and realized it was freezing. I was going to get drunk tonight and nobody was going to stop me. I was going to return back to my old habits and addictions and nobody was going to stop me.