Broken: a Sequel

Chapter 15: Murdoc's POV

    We drove home in silence, leaving my bike in town. I don't even care. I'm just worried. I love Stuart but I hurt him too much. He deserves someone better and younger and less damaged. I'll never be normal enough to have a normal relationship.
    Being loved doesn't feel right. No matter how many times Stuart says he loves me, I can't believe it. Nobody has ever loved me. I'm Murdoc Niccals. I'm evil and heartless and I don't care about anyone but myself. Right? Who fucking knows anymore.
    Russel shut off the car and he and Noodle both look back at me.  "Ready to go in?" Noodle asked.
    "I think I'm gonna hang back for a bit," I said.
    "Okay. But if you run off again, we're not coming to find you, Murdoc. Stuart deserves better than how you've been treating him," Noodle said sternly. I closed my eyes and nodded.
    "Okay," I sighed. I had some thinking to do. I sat and smoked a cigarette as I thought about my blue- haired boy. I hate seeing him in pain but I keep hurting him. I can't help it. I guess it's just who I am. I saw a stream of light come from behind me as I heard the door creak open. I had a feeling I knew who it was. My eyes started to tear up.
    "Hey Mudz," Stuart said timidly. Almost like he was a gazelle approaching a lion. I didn't say anything back. I only nodded. I knew if I said anything, my voice would sound weak. He sat down next to me and I looked away. My heart was already broken, knowing what I was about to do. "Are you Okay, babe?" Stu asked. I took a shakey deep breath and then burst into tears.
    "Stuart, I love you. So so so much and I keep hurting you. I'm a broken, damaged, piece of shit. You deserve so much better than me. And since I love you, I'm going to let you go. I want you to be happy. I think everyone would be happier without me in their lives right now. So, um, I guess I better go. I'll go stay at a hotel or something until I can find somewhere to live. I love you, Stuart. Forever," I sobbed. Stuart began to break down. I grabbed him and held him so tight. I can't believe it would be the last time.
    "You can't do this to me, Murdoc! I don't understand! I love you! Please don't fucking do this!" He wailed.
    "I'm sorry. I have to. You'll feel better. Everyone is right. I just hurt you," I shook my head in shame.
    "No! You're different now!" He grabbed onto my leather jacket.
    "Look at all the pain I've caused and it's only been one day. I can't stay here. I'm sorry, Stuart. I love you," I hugged him one last time and got up, walking to the Stylo. Stuart laid down and sobbed violently. His cries will be the last thing I hear from him. I couldn't handle it anymore. I pulled out and drove away..