THE FORGIVEN BITE

Chapter 22- I Just Learned A New Status Of Friendship

 

Mysterious love, uncertain treasure,

Hast thou more of pain or pleasure!

Endless torments dwell about thee:

Yet who would live, and live without thee!

-Joseph Addison

 

~Chapter 22- I Learned A New Status Of Friendship

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Dear Diary,

Do you know how it feels when your heart breaks? I know, because I am going through one.

Nothing is been hidden from you. You know how much I love Steven. How much he means to me. How much

A tear dropped over the page of my diary, smirching the ink. I didn’t attempt to clean that off the page, as the damage was done. No amount of effort would remove that stain. Same was the condition of my heart. My heart was broken and even if it mends with time, it would leave marks.

The memory brought a wave of pain that hit my chest mercilessly. I brushed away a tear off my cheek and continued writing.

I love him. It feels like there is a hole inside me, I feel empty. It is a funny feeling, I can’t explain. I even doubt if I am growing insane. May be I am and my stupidity proves my insanity. I did a stupid thing I could have ever done. I kissed Steven right after the confrontation. I had my first kiss today, can you believe it? And I must be the happiest person in the world right now, because I gave my first kiss to the person I love, Steven. But why am I not feeling that happiness? Why am I not feeling that thrill? Though he didn’t respond immediately, he did kiss me back after a moment. That does mean something, right? That must mean he loves me? Or was it an act of moment, like I had served him a candy and he couldn’t deny it? Guess that answers everything. Steven, clearly and without any emotion, rejected me and I, instead of running away from him to prevent more bruises on my heart, kissed him. I don’t know what I was thinking. How should I justify my act? A kiss I waited so long, a kiss I had dreamed about, a kiss I always woolgathered as my own fairy tale came to an end on totally different grounds. In all those dreams, never even once I had seen me as the one to lead the kiss. It was always that faceless, nameless yet intimidating guy, it always was him. And now I can see face of that person; I know his name too, but, sadly, he was not the one to take the lead, it was me.

Though my first real kiss didn’t happen like my oneiric kiss, it was not unaesthetic. In fact, it was anything but. It was almost insidious. My whole body was on fire when he kissed me back, deliciously. The floor felt like air beneath me, as I let the veil of modesty drop. I would have committed that sweet sin too, if he had known my intentions. Somewhere in the background a music had started to play, or was it just in my head? I don’t know… the whole thing feels as unsubstantial as a dream. I don’t regret kissing him. I would never regret kissing Steven. I am still having tingles on my lips. I still feel his lips on mine. It’s incredible; you know what I mean, but it

I stopped writing when my phone buzzed. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

Who can call me at, I wondered as I glanced at the wall clock, this late at night? It was past midnight; I couldn’t force my eyes to shut, so I had rather opted to pour down my sorrows into my diary. Gran was probably fast asleep by now and this buzzing phone was making too much noise as it was on vibrating mode. I didn’t want to disturb Gran’s sleep, so I quickly jumped to the edge of the bed and grabbed my phone off the bed-side table.